How To Solve The Nastiness In Election Campaigns

Forty thousand slot machines. Three Senators or Three Congressmen.....JACKPOT on any machine

Simple… elections.

Yep……I’ve finally figured out a way to solve all of our problems when it comes to dealing with those nasty political campaigns and television ads.  It came to me in a vision while I was watching candidate after candidate talk about what a slime ball their opposition was and after writing yesterdays blog about what candidates actually said.

If you forgot what I wrote…go back and check it.  I’ll wait.


Ok, now that you’ve got the picture, here’s my brilliant plan. I’m so excited about this that I’m urging all of you readers to forward this idea to your friends, neighbors and countrymen. Lend me your ears.  Wait,…….I think somebody already used that line. May have been the Romans.

Ok….here it is.

First we get rid of every single congressional representative in congress. We don’t need them.  What the heck do they do? They travel to Washington, sit around smoking cigars, telling jokes, taking junkets, introduce bills, then each political party either votes for or against the bill or law depending on their party affiliation or the bucks thrown to them.

So, if we simply do the following, we won’t need the Democratic, Republican, Independent, Libertarian, Tea or Tupperware Parties.

Wait!  We might still need that last one to keep a lid on things.

So you ask.  How do we get bills and laws and all of that other stuff passed.  Well I’ll tell ya.  WE….make the laws and WE pass them. 

Those of us with computers, will, on a once a week basis, introduce bills and any other legislation on our own national secure web site.  The entire nation will see what’s on the agenda and vote accordingly from their computers, phones, by snail mail or, actually go to a designated polling place if they don’t have a computer, phone or mail service. (like in some far out wooded remote animal infested area of West Virginia or Tennessee)

This thereby eliminates the need for Senators and Representatives, and possibly cigars. People could actually go to a restroom and not fear being hit upon by a congressman. There would be no blue dress stain scandals anymore.  No party crashers at the White House.  Newt Gingrich could get married a gazillion times and no one would care.  Mark Sanford, the Governor of South Carolina could fly to Argentina and be with his soul mate and not make headlines.

And the best part…….the capitol building could be turned into a money-making museum by hiring Madame Tussard’s wax museum to make wax figures of former congressmen which would then be propped up in those seats in congress for all to see.

Then, the president, who obviously wouldn’t be fighting with any members of congress, could just go around the country and the world as kind of an ambassador of good will, like Queen Elizabeth does.  Except he wouldn’t have to wear any dowdy hat like she does or dress frumpy.  Gotta keep up appearances.

Then, with all of the taxpayer money we save paying those congressmen there would be a gazillion dollars saved and it could be used for other programs like Social Security, healthcare, roads, education and hookers.

Oops….sorry….not hookers…..that’s only if we scrap my idea and congressmen were still in power. As far as the hookers are involved, obviously without any congressmen they’d be losing revenue and have to relocate from Washington to the suburbs to make up for the loss.  Which isn’t really a bad thing due to the fact that they’d be contributing more money to local and state coffers if we vote to legalize prostitution, which, obviously we would if it meant more money for our cities and towns.

Hey….who cares if regular people use hookers anyhow. At least we’d be contributing to the cause.  Not only that, but it would be legal so if we got photographed with a hooker it wouldn’t appear on the front page of some sleazy magazine which would then allow magazines and newspapers as well as TV to report the really important news.

Great idea don’t you think?

So let’s recap this plan.  Scrap all congressmen. Vacate the Capitol building and make it a museum charging admission which would bring in more revenue.  Vote on all legislation from our computers, phones, snail mail or in a voting booth. Legalize prostitution for even more revenue. The President would only be a good will ambassador thereby eliminating any flap over his birthplace, ethnic background, and possibly freeing up the White House.

Oh yeah, the White House could be then used for establishing the first ever casino in Washington with all revenue going towards supporting those programs I mentioned earlier. 

Finally, with no campaigns, candidates, debates, or congressmen we could all once again claim our lawns back and not have to display those unsightly candidate ads in our front yards.

Which is good…..because this will help create more jobs for the people who make those pink flamingo ornaments that used to be so popular on our front lawns.

Sooooooo, friends, Romans and countrymen…..lend me your ears….um….support I mean

Push for this reorganization of government by supporting our new political movement…………..”UPUASSP”

Which stands for, “Unified Public United Against Stupid Slimeball Politicians”

Kinda catchy don’t ya think.

For short….we’ll call it, “Up Yours.”

Copyright 2010 MisfitWisdom RLV

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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