I’m not a fan of ANY reality show. I have enough reality going on in my life so why in the world would I want to watch anyone else’s reality. The only difference between my reality and the reality shown on the tube is that I’m not being followed around by TV cameras watching my every move….which is a Godsend considering the number of times I go to the bathroom.
But if I were going to watch a reality show, I’d be watching something that might be called, “How To Make A Complete Ass Out Of Yourself If You’re A Politician.”
You just can’t make up this stuff.
In an article by Dick Polman, a columnist for the Philadelphia Inquirer, he put together what he called, “The 2010 Crazy Quiz” which is a salute to this years sordid election season.
In case you missed it, here’s some of the weird stuff going on in the campaigns across the nation.
Delaware Republican candidate (once again) Christine O’Donnell, (the I’m not a witch lady) said, “We’ve got to take back our country from the masturbators and socialists.”
Sooooo, before you vote for ANY candidate, make sure they haven’t been masturbating and they’re not socialists. I really have no suggestions as to how exactly you’d check that out however. Gnarled hands and poor eyesight of a candidate maybe.
Alvin Greene, who won the South Carolina Democratic senatorial primary despite having no money, no job, having been arrested for showing porn to a non-consenting female college freshman, recently said he wants a toy maker to create “little action dolls” adorned with his face as a way to create jobs.
“Heh heh……. “Hey little girl….wanna nice little dolly to play with….here, just pull this string attached to my pants and watch what happens.”
Nevada Tea Party candidate Sharron Angle said that it is “God’s will that raped women should give birth to their rapists’ babies.”
My guess is that Ms. Angle lives in a heavily guarded gated community and has no idea what the outside world is like other than occasionally venturing outside of her sanctuary to buy an ice cream cone from the passing Good Humor truck.
“SHARRON!!! Get back in this house immediately!!!”
“But mommy, I’m only buying a virgin white vanilla ice cream cone from this nice ice cream man.”
“Don’t you know that’s dangerous honey…you could get raped.”
“Oh don’t be silly mommy…..besides, if I do, the ice cream guy is real cute.”
New York GOP gubernatorial candidate Carl (who?) Paladino acknowledged that he and his buddies liked to swap spicy e-mails. Such as a doctored photo of Obama clad in a stereotypical pimp outfit, and a legit photo of a woman having sex with a horse. When asked about this he offered these explanations.
1. “I’m in the construction business. We get all kinds of nonsense like that on a daily basis” and 2. We were paying very little attention,during the heat of the day.”
Yeah Carl, so how come your office has a lot of hay strewn around the floor and a bunch of oat bags stacked up to the ceiling?
Sing along with me Carl…………..
A horse is a horse of course of course, and no one can have sex with a horse of course, that is of course, unless the horse is the famous Mrs. Ed. (Mr. Ed, the horse, ex-wife)
According to Newt Gingrich’s second wife, the GOP’s brain told her that he was leaving her for another woman (his future third wife…..gasp) because in his words, “I can’t handle a Jaguar right now. All I want is a Chevrolet.”
Good ol Newt’s trading down from an automatic to a stick shift so he can stick it to his ex. Varooooom!!!
Then there’s Ben Qualye, a U.S. House candidate in Arizona and son of Former Vice President Dan (potatoe) Quayle who said. 1. “Obama was an arrogant potatohead.” 2. Ran a TV ad calling Obama “the worst president in history.” 3. Was outed for writing tawdry prose on a sex-themed Web site called “Dirty Scottsdale.” and 4. Sent out family values pamphlets featuring his wife and kids telling voters that the kids were loaners because he doesn’t have any kids.”
My kinda candidate. A total crispy French fry with a potato stuffed into his pants which explains why he doesn’t have any kids.
“Ooooooh Dan……your thingy almost feels like an onion ring”
Finally….and there were some I had to pass up on in Polman’s article because my eyes are tearing up from laughing so much that I can’t continue to write any more other than this last one.
In a new poll by the Pew…..( I don’t smell anything…do you) Research Center: 43 percent of Americans didn’t know that Franklin D. Roosevelt’s agenda was called “The New Deal.”
Probably thought it was asking a blackjack dealer for a new hand.
And……43 percent didn’t know that the holy book of Islam is called the Koran.
Most likely they thought that someone misspelled Korea.
And……41 percent didn’t know the name of the current vice president of the United States.
Isn’t it Glen Beck?
So there ya have it…..the face of todays candidates and the public who are going to the polls in a few weeks to decide our future.
What better reality show could anyone ever wish for.
Scuse me while I go check out my local candidate listings to see if perhaps anyone running for office has a brain.
Eureka!!! Here’s one.
Harvey Scarecrow, formerly of Kansas, now residing in the land of Oz. Wife, Dorothy. Children Tinny and Lion. Dog Toto.
Copyright 2010 MisfitWisdom RLV