Ah, the comfort of a nice park bench. A cool breeze, squirrels gathering nuts, children playing, a hot dog vendor off in the distance and…
“Hey, what the hell do you think you’re doing feeding those damn rodents!”
“Um, excuse me…who are you.”
“You mean you don’t recognize me. I’m the famous and almighty Oz….um….strike that…the famous and almighty Rush Limbaugh and you’re breaking the “do not feed the squirrels law you dumb pinko ass. And dittos from my listeners who will be all over your case unless you cease and desist right now!”
“Oh, sorry Mr. Rush….I….I….w-w-w-on’t feed them anymore.”
Hmmm, there’s a nice water fountain over there. Think I’ll stroll across the neatly cut green grass, take in the beautiful flowers on the way, and get myself a nice cool drink.
“Hey you damn Nazi communist lawbreaker….what the hell do ya think you’re doing?”
“Huh…..who are you?”
Glenn Beck you damn liberal Islam loving jackass. You’re walking on sacred ground here…..there’s the damn sidewalk you know. Where the *F**K is your patriotism?”
“I’m being non patriotic by walking on grass that’s supposed to be sacred….why?”
“Geez, do I hafta spell it all out for you……dumbass. Don’t you know that in India cows are sacred and therefore eat grass and therefore the grass you’re walking on is sacred too. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Um, sorry, I guess I just didn’t know….I’ll take the sidewalk.”
Oh, a pigeon looking for a handout. “Come here little birdie, I’ve got some peanuts for ya.”
“Stop, you stupid insensitive animal abuser!”
“What….what the. Who are you?”
“Damn, another one of those idiots out of the loop. I’m Andrew Breitbart….THE…..Andrew Brietbart that took down that lyin’ racist woman who worked for the Obama administration…..God save us all.”
“So, now what am I doing wrong?”
“Wrong! Wrong! You mean you can’t see what the hell you’re doin’ wrong you Al Quida operative! You’re feeding what could possibly be communication avenues for those damn terrorists. You know pigeons carry messages and God knows to what terrorist organization.”
“Oh, yeah, I forgot about that…sorfry Mr. Breitfart……I…”
“That’s Breitbart son, and bow when you say that. Incidentally, I have all of this on tape……portions edited”
Gee, I’d better watch what the heck I do. Let’s see, where should I go next. Hey…I’ve got it….I’ve always like that TV show, “The View” so maybe I’ll just get out of the fresh air and go watch a taping of the show.
“HALT! Where the hell do you think you’re going fella?”
“Um, I just wanna go in and watch “The View” taping.”
“Yeah sure….look at the way yer dressed….jeans, a stupid American flag T-shirt, and….God…..loafers. What the hell are you anyway, some kind of pervert? Elizabeth Hasselbeck, (no relation to the other Beck type person forementioned….but damn close) is in there taping and we don’t want no flako disagreeing with her because you know how sensitive she is to people’s problems. So get lost you dickhead.”
Hmmm, so much for that. Think I’ll just stroll through the park again and go back to my bench and mull over things. I’m getting kinda thirsty and I see a water fountain over there and I have a tea bag in my pocket so I can improvise and make myself a nice cold iced tea.
“Ah…..nice iced tea, minus the ice, on a hot summer day.”
“You SOB racist. What the hell are you doing with that teabag? You should be ashamed of yourself. No wonder people like me have to stand up for other people’s God-given rights.”
“What……I’m sorry….who are you….w-w-w-w-hat did I do this time?”
“THIS TIME! You mean you’re an habitual law-breaker that’s insensitive to people’s rights. As sure as my name is Sean Hannity, you must be one of those John Stewart Comedy Central followers….damn Nazi. I’m here to save you boy! Surely you’re aware of the fact that a tea bag in any open public space indicates that you are a full-fledged tax hating give me back my overspending bail out those damn bank and auto companies Obama wasn’t born in America God Bless Sarah Palin Tea Potty true American. Therefore…..you need to display your undying patriotism by taking that used teabag and pinning it on your lapel.”
“B-b-b-but I’m not a member of the Tea Potty or any potty….I’m an independent!”
“WHAT! A freakin’ can’t make up your party affiliation type pinko! My God…..Here….give me that damn teabag and get the hell outta here. Damn flake!”
Guess I’ll just go home to the sanctity of my own peaceful living room and watch some TV.
(turning on the tube)
“Welcome to the Michael Savage show folks….today’s topic……pinko, liberal, Nazi, Islam, Medicare, Health Plan, Obama supporting extremists take over the park on a peaceful Sunday and how to stop these MotherF*****Rs from ruining our country. My first guest, an expert on sensitivity, Dr. Laura Schlessinger……….”
This just in from Fox news. The body of an unidentified male dressed in jeans and an American flag T-shirt with a tea bag stuffed down his throat, apparently a gagging suicide victim, has been found in…………………….
Copyright 2010 MisfitWisdom RLV