I’m Knot A Very Good Riter

"Um...er....um...F....WAIT...I got it.....F...U....C........."

I’m the first to admit that I do not have a master of the English language when it comes to writing.  If it weren’t for the spell check function on my computer, I’d be spelling cat with a “K”….like in kat.  

It’s all due to my inattentiveness in school.  As I’ve said before, I was much to busy being the class clown and more intent on becoming a disc jockey later on in life to pay attention to what the hell was going on in class.  

I did, however, become some sort of an expert in pointy bras while in class.  Ya see, all the guys thought that boobs were pointy, but that was due to the pointy bra effect.  It took me years of research until I finally discover that boobs are not really pointy….just the bras. Hence, another reason I flunked English.  

Anyhow, I kinda feel it’s not all really my fault that I’m so dumb when it comes to the correct spelling of words. Whoever created the English language had to be nipping at booze at some point.  

For instance.  The national park Yosemite.  It’s pronounced..”Yo-sem-mit-tee.”  But to me, it should be pronounced “Yose-mite.” If they wanted it to be pronounced Yo-sem-mit-tee then they should have spelled it that way, the damn fools.  

Here’s another one.  “Psalm.”  What the heck is it with that?  To me, it’s P-salm.  I would have spelled it, “Somm.” We don’t need the stinkin’ “P”.  

Here’s another wasted use of the letter “P”.  “Psychiatrist or any other Psy that’s used.  As far as i’m concerned it’s a waste of a good letter “P” that could be used somewhere else. Psychiatrist should be spelled Scichiatrist for God’s sake….gives me a break!  

How about the simple word “knife” or any other word starting with a “K”.  Why can’t it be, “nife”.   Seems quite logical to me.  We probably wouldn’t even need the letter “K’ anymore.  except in the ending of some words like…um……in the “F” word where the K is at the end. THEN that makes sense to me.  

Take the word ‘damn.”  Why the hell do we need that extra “N” at the end of that word?  It’s useless.  If I said “dam it” you’d sure as hell know what the heck I meant wouldn’t you.  Unless of course I was talking about a dam that holds back water, the dam it, I might have to use the “N” in the damn word…oops….I just did,  dam it….or damn it!  

Then there’s those words the medical community like to use. Look at this one for instance. “Electroencephalograph”.  21 damn…or…dam letters in that one word. Far too many as far as I’m concerned.  By the way, that word, (I’m not going to type it again) is for an instrument that records the strength and character of electrical impulses in the brain.  So why can’t they just call is a freakin’ brain scan thingy?  

My final complaint is with the company Xerox.  To me, this is a blatant attempt at screwing with the mind of anyone who flunked english. Not only that, but who the hell needs the letter “X’ anyhow?  Xerox should be spelled Zerox.  Geez, at least the company that makes Zerex anti-freeze knew that.  It’s not “Xerox” anti-freeze.  Hmmm…..they probably did that because Xerox used the “X” and not the “Z”.  

I could go on and on about all  this, but I think you get the point by now. It’s not easy being a writer. But I just had to get this off of my chest because it’s been bugging me for so long.  

So, in conclusion, if you’re having the same problems riting, don’t fret, becasue spel chek will always, in most instances, pik up on moste of the errors after you’ve finished riting your book, blogg, manuscrit, letter or resumay.  

Hey, it works for me……no errors in THIS blogg!  I think.  

Copyright 2010 MisfitWisdom RLV

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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