I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Job!

"Martha, come here quick...this guy sez if we vote for him we all get a free year's supply of Viagra...whoo hooo!"

Every election cycle there is one hot topic that each and every candidate hops on…..kinda like it’s the holy grail to get them elected.

This year’s mid-term elections holy grail is…..”JOBS.” Call out Indiana Jones for this one folks.  Maybe even Laura Croft the job raider.

It goes like this.  “Elect me and I’ll create a gazillion jobs.”  “Vote for me cause that other guy is responsible for losing jobs, I’ll, on the other hand create jobs.”  Etc, etc, etc,

Ok, first of all, I don’t need no stinkin’ job. When I did need a stinkin’ job, I got it myself and not through the efforts of any politician or the fact that he created that job. That said, if any of you out there think that ANY candidate running for office is going to create ANY stinkin’ job for you…..don’t bet the farm on it.

So let’s look at this somewhat logically….at least as logical as my own demented mind works.  How exactly do you create a job?

Well, if you’re a bank robber, I suppose you could “PULL” a job, but not exactly create one, unless you hire assistant bank robbers to help you.  But then again, it’s only a temporary job, so, in fact, you haven’t actually created a long-term job have you?

Now I can only imagine how a prospective candidate for office might be able to create a job…..or jobs.

Candidate:  “I promise, if I’m elected, I “WILL” create jobs.”

Reporter:  “So how many jobs do you estimate you’ll actually create?”

Candidate.  “Well, honestly, (cough) I think it may be in the amount of 50 to 60 perhaps…”(clears throat)

Reporter:  “50 or 60 thousand?”

Candidate:  “Um, not exactly that high of a number.” (cough)

Reporter:  “Well exactly what is the number then?”

Candidate:  “Um, kinda like 50 or 60 permanent jobs.”

Reporter:  “50 or 60!  That’s not very many jobs considering the unemployment rate.”

Candidate:  “Well, yeah I’m aware of that, but I didn’t exactly say in my campaign just how many jobs I’d create.  I just said I’d create jobs, so I’m not lying.”

Reporter:  “Ok, Ok…so where are these 50 or 60 jobs going to come from?”

Candidate:  “That’s the easy part.  When I get elected, I’ll fire all of the former office holder’s staff, which are about 50 or 60 people, and then hire my own, thus, creating 50 or 60 new jobs.”

Reporter:  “Brilliant!  So you weren’t lying after all.”

You gotta read between the lines my little lemmings. If a candidate says he’s going to create jobs, find out how the hell he or she is going to do that.  Besides that, what’s with the people in office now?  Don’t they know how to create jobs?  I mean, if their opponents know how to create jobs, how come they don’t? Is it like a big secret that only those out of office know about?

I don’t get it!

You’d think once the people in office saw the ads on TV about their opponents creating jobs, they’d all go out and immediately create jobs. Maybe they could even fire their own staff and then re-hire a new staff and then be able to say they too created jobs. 

Boy am I glad I don’t need no stinkin’ job.  I’d be hard pressed to decide which candidate to vote for if I did.

Nope, this mid-term election I’m keeping my options open until I find a candidate whose platform has nothing to do with creating jobs.  Cause, like I said, I don’t need no stinkin’ job.

Now….money….that’s what I need.

Show me a candidate who says he or she will send me a check for $500 for every one I can get to vote for them, and they’ve got my vote.

How simple is THAT to get elected.  Geez, it’s a no brainer.

Copyright 2010 MisfitWisdom RLV

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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1 Response to I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Job!

  1. Tom says:

    You seemed to leave out the other part of the oath of candidates. “I will reduce government spending and slim down the departments.” That means on one side they are going to lay off a lot of people, by slimming down government. In the final count, even if they do create jobs, they’ll be offset by the unemployed they will create.

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