Men Beware! Cosmo Magazine Is Out To Get Us.

Geez...all I said was she looked fat in that dress and she sics the dog on me

I’m glad I spotted this article at Cosmopolitan.com. It’s entitled, “Secret Signals Men Give When They Lie.”

I couldn’t find an author’s name attached to the article, perhaps because Cosmo doesn’t want a lynch mob made up of lying men at the author’s front doorstep.

I have to assume that the author is a woman.  Do you think any self-respecting lying SOB of a guy would ever write such a blasphemous article?  No way Jose.  Um, unless the guy had a sex change and is now a woman.  That could be it.  Otherwise how would a woman know when a guy is lying.

Let’s take a look at the info provided by Cosmo and see what the hell they think have on us guys.

1. “He looks up and to the left when you ask him a sticky question and he’s attempting to explain himself.”

WHAT!  So we can’t look up and to the left anymore?  Geez, and I suppose if we look down and to the right we’re screwed too.  Ok, so let’s do this fellas.  Stare them damn women right in the eye if they ask you one of those sticky questions.  Like if she asks you if you’ve been fooling around with another woman.  The best way to combat this up, down, left right movement is to simply wear dark sunglasses and stay focused. 

2. “If he toys with his ears and nose he’s being deceptive.”

WHAT!  Here we go again.  If they don’t catch ya looking up down and left and right they get you with the ol playing with the ears and nose ploy. Fake em out.  Play with something else while they’re firing those questions at you.  (no, I’m NOT going to go there)

Screw it, yes I am.

Play with her nose or ears or better yet, one of those other body parts that will make her forget what the hell she was asking you in the first place.

3. “He shifts in his chair or taps his fingers.”  Immediately, and I’ll repeat this loudly, IMMEDIATELY upon sensing that you are going to be questioned, turn on a rock station, THEN sit in the chair and shift around and tap your fingers at your heart’s content. 

“I’m not lying’ baby, just keepin’ up with the beat.”

4. “He covers his mouth with his hands.

WHAT!  Gimmie a break here Cosmo.  Now this last one here proves that all of these tips to tell if a man is lying is a bunch of dog in the park doo doo.  We’re supposed to be lying if we cover our mouth with our hands!  There’s a simple explanation why men cover their mouth with their hands when women ask them questions.

BAD BREATH!

Whaddya think…….we always carry around a bottle of Scope with us!  If you’re gonna question us about things face to face and up close, hey……we’re only trying to be considerate.

(tip to lying men…..if perhaps you actually are lying and you’re going to be confronted at home, it might be wise to woof down some garlic food prior to going home, then, when she confronts you face to face, breathe heavily when giving your explanations thereby proving my point as to why we cover our faces)

So there you have it.  The real reasons men do what they do when their being questioned. 

In conclusion, it might be a good idea for you men to practice your honesty skills with this simple exercise.  The next time she tries on a new dress and turns to you and says, “Honey, does this dress make me look fat?”

Your reply should be, “Yes dear.”

Then when she gets all ticked off at you as she stomps out of the room, just yell out……..”See, I’ve always been completely honest with you sweetheart.”

Most likely she will never doubt or questions you again.  Heh Heh.

Copyright 2010 MisfitWisdom RLV

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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