Well, if you want the “real” answers to life’s 25 most toughest questions, you have to buy a copy of “Readers Digest” and read Jeanne Marie Laskas article.
I’ve listed Jeanne’s questions that apparently are the toughest to answer, and have added my own personal perspective. You can either accept her answers as the best response by reading Readers Digest, or the MisfitWisdom version of things.
Please keep in mind that I failed the sandbox test in kindergarten.
1. CAN LOVE LAST A LIFETIME? It depends what you’re in love with. A sure bet is if you’re in love with yourself. A no brainer.
2. WHY DO MARRIED PEOPLE LOOK LIKE ONE ANOTHER? Because they share the same bathroom and sometimes their medications get mixed up…..hormone pills, Viagra, etc.
3. CAN A MARRIAGE SURVIVE BETRAYAL? For this one you have to ask Benedict Arnold, the famous traitor, who I believe remained married to his wife after going over to the British.
4. WHY DOES SUMMER ZOOM AND WINTER GO ON FOREVER.? Because obviously those of you who believe that live somewhere else other than Florida or California. MOVE!
5. DO ANIMALS HAVE A 6th SENSE? No, absolutely not. If they did, they would all be at casinos playing the craps tables and slot machines and purchasing winning Powerball tickets.
6. WHY DOES THE LINE YOU’RE IN MOVE THE SLOWEST? This mainly is due to the fact that most lines are optical illusions when you’re in any store. When you look at a line from a distance they look shorter, such as when you’re in the desert and see water, but in reality, they are not. Especially if you happen to be shopping at an oasis.
7. BY WHAT AGE SHOULD YOU KNOW JUST WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE? Well, speaking for myself, I’m way over the hill and still don’t have a clue. I’d guess that if you don’t know by the time you’re in your 60’s, just accept the fact you’re a loser.
8. WHERE DO TRAFFIC JAMS COME FROM? My guess would be from too many damn people driving on the same road. Duh!
9. WHEN IS YOUR FUTURE BEHIND YOU? Well, if your future is ahead of you, my guess would be that it would be behind you tomorrow, unless you’re in a different time zone and it’s already tomorrow.
10. DO YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOUR JOB? Not unless you’re Donald Trump, Sarah Palin or the head of BP. Oops, strike that last one. I think the CEO at BP is seriously thinking that he hates his job. Those other two absolutely love their jobs….wouldn’t you if you were making a gazillion dollars?
11. CAN A MAN AND A WOMAN JUST EVER BE FRIENDS? Sure, if they don’t get married.
12. WHEN DO YOU TAKE AWAY GRANDPA’S CAR KEYS? Simple, the same time you take away grandma’s. Or, when too many unidentified road kill residues that do not resemble any animals appear on their vehicles.
13. DO SIBLINGS WHO FIGHT REALLY END UP LIKING EACH OTHER? Well, Larry, Darrell and his other brother Darell did on “Newhart.” Until the show was cancelled and they lost all that TV appearance money, and now hate one another.
14. HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN TO END A FRIENDSHIP? A pretty good sign is if your best friend steals your wife, girlfriend or dog. Well…..maybe not the wife or girlfriend, but definitely the dog.
15. WHY DO WE TURN INTO OUR PARENTS WHEN WE WERE SURE WE WOULDN’T? The bad news is because it’s a dirty job and your kids aren’t gonna do it so we eventually have to. The good news is that you’ll die before them so they eventually get screwed too.
16. CAN A HALF EMPTY PERSON BECOME A HALF FULL PERSON? Sure, depending on how much you wanna spend at your local bar.
17. WHEN DO KIDS BECOME ADULTS? Easy, when they discover the existence of the IRS.
18. CAN A MOTHER BE FRIENDS WITH HER TEENAGE DAUGHTER? Only if her daughter is butt ugly therefore allowing the mom to always be the center of attention.
19. DOES MONEY REALLY BUY HAPPINESS? Simple response……does a bear S**T in the woods?
20. CAN SPENDERS AND SAVERS STAY MARRIED? Well that depends whose spending and whose saving. The obvious solution to this is to take turns spending and saving. Save one week, spend the next and so on. Works for my relationship. I save and she spends…..um, wait a second here…….(making notation to check into this arrangement)
21. IS MONEY THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL? I personally have no idea but I’d sure as hell would like to give it a shot.
22. WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU SEE A PARENT BERATING A CHILD? Just steer clear of the situation. Any parent that wants his or her’s child to wear a French beret is none of your damn business.
23. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO SAY THAT YOU’RE WRONG? My apologies for not being able to answer this question due to the fact that I personally have never ever been wrong.
24. WHEN SHOULD YOU REVEAL A SECRET THAT YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T? When you’re in the Federal Witness Protection Program.
25. Finally, the most burning question from the Readers Digest article……DOES THE TOAST ALWAYS REALLY FALL BUTTERED SIDE DOWN? I really didn’t know the answer to this question, so I had to conduct an experiment of my own involving butter and toast. However, after numerous attempts at dropping buttered toast on the floor, the results were inconclusive due to the fact that I was yelled at for wasting an entire loaf of bread.
My own 26th question is…..who the hell comes up with the idea of writing this stuff anyhow?
Copyright 2010 MisfitWisdom RLV