TV Pop Up Ads….A Solution

"Where's The Beef!"....um......Boobs.

I could write about politics today, because there’s so much hatred going around Washington circles these days. But I’m writing comedy here and I think that’s what’s missing in our society right now. So I’m not even going to comment on how the children are acting in our nation’s capitol. Pacifier anyone?  

However, I decided that the bozos in DC will all eventually evolve into a Ringling Brothers full-fledged circus and I can then write about them when they visit all of the local fairgrounds in my state during campaign time.  

Nothing better than watching elephants and donkeys not only make complete asses of themselves, but observing the crap they all dish out not only in DC, but at the fairgrounds.  Kinda like watching a horse poop during a parade. 

Nope, I’m staying away from politics today. Today my main bitch is those damn TV pop up ads.  You know, the ones that suddenly pop up while your watching a show completely obscuring the action that’s taking place on the screen.  It’s bad enough there are 20 minutes of programming during a half hour show and the rest of the time is devoted to commercials.  

But what really pisses me off is when those pop ups appear during dialogue that’s in a foreign language and the ad blocks the written translation at the bottom of the screen. 

“So American spy, you know what’s going to happen to you now…..well I’ll tell you.  Lt. Hiackzawaa here is  gonna take your (POP UP AD) and boy will that bring tears to your eyes as you scream for mercy while holding on to your (POP UP AD) 

Or how about a scene when the detective opens up a crucial piece of evidence written on an envelope, stares at it, the camera zooms in on the envelope and, (POP UP AD)  

Of course today’s television dramas are concentrating on male audiences by the number of boob shots I’ve seen lately.  CSI Miami, The Ghost Whisperer, Fringe, Two and a Half Men etc.  We male slugs love boob shots but it seems pop up ads are beginning to infringe on our titillating moments.  For the longest time I thought that Marg Helgenberger had a tattoo on one of her boobs until I discovered it was a pop up ad for the George Lopez Show. 

Those ads are everywhere.  Not only during regular TV programs, but in sports events too.  It’s all about making money.  How many ads can we get in during a program and how many ads can we insert on top of the ads that we’ve already inserted into the ad that’s currently running. 

Well, let’s figure out a solution to this on going problem folks.  

Reality TV is the big thing now.  So why not an entire network devoted to commercials and pop up ads?  You know, on those boring re-run nights when nothings on TV we could all tune in to the 24 hour commercial station and vege out on ads.  It’s gotta be better than watching “Clear and Present Danger” for the 26th gazzilionth time. 

I figured out why they do this too.  It’s because a lot of us pre-record our TV programs so that we can avoid those commercials by watching them later and skipping thru the commercials.  So those smart ass Madison Avenue guys figured they’d insert pop ups during the show so that we couldn’t hit the fast forward button.  

But I’ve got them all beat.  Heh Heh.  

Yep, I finally figured out a way to avoid those pesky pop ups.  It’s very simple…really. 

Simply get a 32″ by 2″ strip of duct tape, paste it along the bottom of your TV screen and…….Eureka!…..no more pop up ads.  Of course the size of the duct tape depends on the size of your television set. And, um…if you’re going to watch anything with subtitles….you’re basically going to have to take a Foreign language lesson, or say, “screw it” and try to figure out what the hells going on someway else.  Maybe hire a translator to sit and watch TV with you. 

So, until those SOB’s figure out the duct tape ploy and move the pop ups to the top of the TV screen, we’ve got it made.  

Tomorrow’s tip:  How to get Wolf Blitzer of CNN from pausing every three seconds with, ums, and ers, and how to correct Barbara Walters problem with pronouncing the letter “R.”  Silly weporter.

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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