Surprisingly, I found that today did not present any earth shattering news items or experiences that one could effectively find a lot of humor in.
When that happens, what you have to do is think back over the past week and reflect on what has happened. This of course requires much thought, considering our minds are for the most part mush after the weekend. My mind is no exception, in fact, much worse due to the fact that I’m retired and mush is an extreme part of my brain makeup these days.
So let’s see what we can come up with. There’s always the big news story from last week, Massachusetts elects a Republican to fill the late Ted Kennedy’s seat. I’ll never understand their logic in that, but then again, what did Ted Kennedy ever do for Massachusetts. EVERYTHING!!!!!!! (sorry, I just had to blurt that out) Let me see if I understand Massachusetts voters. Ted Kennedy was their Senator for many years and did many things for the state that many other senators couldn’t come close to doing. When he passed away last year, throngs of Massachusetts residents lined the streets to pay him homage for a job well done as his funeral procession made it’s way through the streets of Boston. Then they all went home and said to themselves, “Alice.” “Yes Walter.” as the couple sat in their Back Bay home mulling over the future of Massachusetts and who should replace the late Senator. “Alice, I think we should vote for Ted’s replacement based on his experience, what he can do for all of us here in Massachusetts, and s***w the rest of the other state Senators and Representatives who want to give their constituents health care. After all dear, we already have mandatory health care so what the hell do we need more for?” “Yes dear.” Alice replies. “And furthermore, wasn’t that Ted’s last wish, that all of us have health care?” “Yes Dear” And didn’t Mitt Romney, our former Governor make it mandatory here in Massachusetts?” “Yes Dear. “So what the hell do we need to vote in another Democrat for when we already have heath care here in Massachusetts. Didn’t Senator Kennedy get his wish?”
“But Walter, Senator Kennedy wanted to get health care for everyone.”
“ALICE! Damn it, one of these days, POW, right to the moon. You just don’t get it. We already have health care!”
“But Walter sweetheart, Senator Kennedy wanted health care for all of the other people in all of the other states.”
“F**k all them other pinko high flatootin wealthy SOB’s in them other states. They have enough money already to pay for their own damn health care. I’m not going to fork over one red Massachusetts cent to contribute to someone else’s health care in another state like, um, say Florida for instance.”
“But Walter, our daughter lives in Florida and you know she has some health issues and it’s hard for her to keep up with her medical bills.”
“Oh yeah, I forgot. Well then, lets call Senator Brown and ask him if he can change his stand on health care and vote for it because our daughter in Florida needs it.”
“But Walter, it’s too late. We already voted for him and he already said he would vote against the health care bill.”
“OK, then screw her too. She never comes to visit us, her kids are a couple of brats, her husband is a dork and I hate their stupid dog too. Besides all that, she lives in Florida and both of us know that those old retirees in Florida don’t know their hanging chads from a free discount at Dunkin Donuts. On top of that Alice, like you said, we already voted Scott Brown in, so what the hell. How bad could he possibly be?”
“You’re right dear. And he does look really sexy in that nude photo spread in Cosmo Magazine.”
“Yeah, a lot better than Ted Kennedy would have.”
“See Dear, there “WAS” a reason we voted for him.”
(I told ya it was a slow news day)