Yep…that explains everything.  But, voice aside, there seems to be nothing else that would indicate that Fran’s claims that she was once abducted by aliens might be true. However, she’s very attractive and of course talented as well.  So maybe the aliens just scared the bejesus out of her, she lost her original voice, and then they let her go when they realized whenever she spoke her voice shattered the windows in their spacecraft.  My guess anyhow.

Nee-nee-na-na-na-na-nu-nu. (secret message to Robin Williams who was also abducted and was originally from the planet Ork)

Fran claims that back when she was a child attending junior high school along with her former husband Peter Marc Jacobson, who has a normal voice……. I think…….anyhow she said they were abducted by aliens and have the scars to prove it. AND….that the scars are from chips implanted in their bodies so that she and Peter would be brought together later in life.

Which obviously means to any schooled scholar on alienism (my word) is that aliens sole purpose is to run matchmaking services that link up people when they are children so that they will meet later on in life, get married, and then get divorced.  An obvious cruel and sinister plan by aliens to destroy our planet.  OR…maybe proof positive that aliens are attorneys who specialize in divorce cases.

Having been through two divorces myself I can just about attest to that fact.

Now here’s the strange part, if we are to believe that Fran is correct, or just smoking some really great stuff. Her ex-husband says that Fran must be sniffing some alien dust or something because the scar that she has on her, (didn’t day where it was on her) was actually from a drill bit or the result of Fran burning herself with a hot cup of water.

BUT…..that doesn’t hold much hot water, (his story and not the cup) that the scar came from that or the drill bit because most people drink hot water usually with a tea bag in it and while they are dressed, so how would you get a scar? AND….I’m sure Fran, if she were drilling something, would be totally dressed as well. UNLESS, she likes drinking hot tea and drilling stuff when she’s naked. OR….her story IS true and while those aliens were exploring her body and implanting chips, THEY spilled hot tea water on her thereby becoming distracted and dropped their drill and caused the scar.

Most aliens, as we all know, aren’t very good with tools because they only have two or three fingers on their hands. So, one of them could very well have dropped a drill bit onto Fran’s body.

Peter on the other hand never mentioned if he had the same such scar on his body. Which I think needs further investigating by a reliable source, like Fox News for instance…..or at least a Congressional committee, or The Discovery Channel.

Now I’m not going to go out on a limb, mainly because  I’m terrified of heights, but I’m not going to say that Fran’s story may be a bit off the wall.  I’ll leave that up to the “Huffington Post” people who posted on their website a “Psychometer” graph that placed her story at, “approaching insanity.” Which isn’t too bad considering on that same graph they rated Newt Gingrich’s moon base idea. “batshit insane.”  GO NEWT!!!

Huffington Post's "Psychometer"

Finally, when asked about the fact that her ex husband doesn’t buy into her alien abduction story hasn’t phased Fran at all. Her explanation for doubters, including her ex, who find her story hard to believe is that, “that’s what aliens programmed us to think.”

So if all this is true and aliens actually abduct us, take us to their spaceships, and then implant chips into our bodies while drinking hot tea and using a drill, maybe we should all be checking our bodies to see if we have similar scars such as Frans’.

(checking my body)…….Hmmmmmm.   (checking my other half’s body)…..Hmmmmmm.

OMG!!!   We both have scars on our bodies!!!  WE WERE ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!!!  WE WERE ABDUCTED BY ALIENS!!!

Um wait a minute here.  On further examination, my scar is from an old hernia operation and my other half’s is from one of those woman type operations from many years ago. RATS!!  I guess we both weren’t abducted by aliens like Fran was. (sigh)

UNLESS…..aliens are also into hernia and hysterectomy surgeries.

I’m really gonna take a very close look at my doctor the next time I have an appointment. If he so much as offers me a cup of tea or is fiddling with any type of drill….I’m outta there.

(DONATE)  The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted (blue) copy and paste it into your browser to go to the PayPal site. Once there you will be instructed to donate the amount of your choosing then be implanted with a micro chip, which will only leave a very small undetectable scar,(on your wallet) but will be used later to hit you up again for a donation by implanting your bank account information into PayPals alien banking tracking system. You can also opt for hernia surgery or a hysterectomy if you wish.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=QCT9YHP597EJN

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

Chief....did you say Lindsay Lohan?

"Hello Mork....yeah listen up, while you're down there on Earth scoop up Lindsay Lohan, bring her back and we'll take that chip outta her. Obviously it's defective.

How small is this car. I thought you’d never ask. It’s 1.5 meters long which is about 5 feet. (Texans, or anybody on Weight Watchers do NOT buy this car)

Yep, a small car developed in Spain with the assistance of MIT’s Media-Lab in Boston, Massachusetts has come up with a car sooooo small that you can fold it up and take it with you to the office instead of parking it. Um, if you have an office on the first floor or a really good-sized elevator.

Der Volkssinrollerskatin mobile

The new car is called the, Hinko” which is the Basque word for “urban” which is where the developers think this car will be driven the most.  I personally would have, given the size of this car, called it the “Ant” because it’s so small that if you leave any food in the car while it’s parked outside, it might attract an ant colony who could very well call in ant reinforcements and haul it off to an ant colony for future consumption.

Besides, Volkswagen’s nickname is the “bug” so why not attach a cutesy name like the “Ant” to this new car.

The car is electric and seats two people, very thin people I would think, has no doors, which could pose a problem on a rainy day or if you want some privacy, say like if you have one of those itches that needs scratching below the waist.

The “Hinko,” (is it me or does this car sound like it should be manufactured by the Japanese) as you can see in the photos is verrrry small and can fold up. I would assume that before you fold it up you have to make sure your spouse or mother-in-law is out of the car first.  Then again, who cares on the latter.

HellllP! Hellllp! I folded up my car before I got out!!!

It folds up just like a child’s collapsible stroller for easy parking, or, I guess if you really want to pick it up and tote it off to the office. Which would open up another revenue source for local municipalities, office parking meters.

It can go 75 miles without a recharge and is only $16,400 in American money.  I said “only” for anyone who just happens to have $16 thousand dollars lying around doing nothing as most of us do.

It will go on sale starting in 2013 in Europe.  Now the most interesting aspect of this car is that the motor is located in the wheels.  Yep, the wheels.  Which means that it has no front hood, which means you save on all that unnecessary optional stuff like a hood ornament, extra chrome, and deer repellent sensors.  If you hit a deer in that car they’ll simply fold you, the deer, and the car up into one neat package and haul you off to a cemetery.

I personally like the idea of the motor being located in the wheels for a number of reasons. Car gets banged up…hell, scrap it and keep the motor, which, as I said is in the tires. Not only that, but if that car is so small that the motor is in the tires, hell, take them off at night, haul the motor into the house and use it to run some appliances. Waste not want not….my motto.

The only down side I can see to this is car thieves. You all know what happens when you park your car in a seedy neighborhood….kinda like the one I live in. Turn your back for one second and your car is stripped. This new car makes it a lot easier for thieves. No longer do they have to strip one of these new “Hinko’s” but all they have to do is stroll up to one of them, slip it into a pair of those baggy jeans, and off they go.  And, if they totally wanna avoid any suspicion, just leave a baby stroller in its place and no one will know the difference.

Next invention on the horizon at MIT…..a super diet pill that makes you lose weight overnight so that you can fit into that “Hinko” car.  I see sales of these cars skyrocketing, along with a rush on diet pills…………and baby strollers……….for those of you who don’t wanna fork out the $16 thousand for the car but are willing to have your old kids baby stroller converted to a “Hinko.”

(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted it might be due to those engineers at MIT developing a anti-highlighting spray that protects blog readers from having to be subjected to the MisfitWisdom donate link posting. However, I have developed an anti anti spray to counter their sinister efforts. All you have to do is spray your computer screen with Windex and then copy and paste the PayPal link into your browser. Works every time. Foiled again MIT!

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=P7UEUSMWW8R36

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

This led me to think about why they started giving out those prayer cards back in the 70′s in the first place.  Maybe they knew something passengers didn’t know. Like, “Geez….how the hell are we gonna get this damn plane off the ground.”

I’m thinking that maybe they had sort of a tight budget with which to operate on and cut some corners. Like maybe using lawnmower engines on their jets or something. Or instead of using a lot of fuel to taxi down the runway they simply towed their planes to a big Alaskan hill and pushed it over the side and hoped it would take flight. Hence those prayer cards that were give to passengers. My thought anyhow.

Thnx: Cartoon by David Farley

Alaskan Airlines President Brad Tilden and Chairman and CEO Bill Ayer said that the decision to eliminate prayer cards was due to various religious beliefs.  In a statement they said, together I guess, “Religious beliefs are deeply personal and sharing them with others is an individual choice.”

And of course they’re correct.  Religion should be a personal choice and I can see their point. Say for instance an Alaskan Airline airplane encounters trouble while flying at 30 thousand feet and it looks like there’s no option but to attempt a crash landing.

Panic sets in and the passengers, in reaching for their prayer cards, discover that their particular religion is not covered. Obviously a lot of resentment is going to take place between passengers who are covered by the prayer cards and those that are not.  Suppose you pray to a different God and He’s not listed in the prayer cards? Then what? You’re basically screwed, that’s what!  Nine outta ten times the only passengers who survive a plane crash are those who were issued a prayer card with their religion on it.  It’s a known fact. Trust me on this one.

So this is a slippery slope when it comes to Alaska Airlines dropping prayer cards if ya ask me.  I sure as hell, oops, sorry, didn’t mean to use that word when talking about prayer cards, but sure as um, shootin’ this will most likely make passengers feel a bit more insecure.  The least they can do to make up for the elimination of prayer cards is to have one of those plastic Jesus’s on the back of each passenger seat, or, at least have the captain announce that he has one on his cockpit dashboard.

What provoked this action by the airline was that a lot of customers, obviously atheists, complained that religion was not appropriate on the plane. Unless of course the plane was at 30 thousand feet and in a nose dive and everybody is in unison screaming….GOD!!!!!

Personally I think that Alaskan Airlines did do the right thing considering that there are many religions.  However, jusssssst in case an emergency did occur on a flight, they should have a backup plan should passengers feel the need to pray while the plane is plummeting towards the ground at 300 MPH.

Perhaps a non-sectarian service that all passengers could feel comfortable with. Or something that would cover all religions.

“Attention all passengers. This is your captain speaking.  I have some good news and some bad news.  The bad news is that we’ve lost all engines and are plummeting toward the earth rapidly………….The good news is that we’ve printed up some new prayer cards in 55 different religions should you care to start praying before we slam into the ground at 300 MPH and you’re all reduced to smithereens.”

Thank you for flying with Alaska Airlines.

(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal link is posted below. If it is not highlighted in blue, copy and paste it into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal site.  If by some remote chance you’re planning a flight on Alaska Airlines and you’re very superstitious due to the lack of prayer cards, you might want to donate to MisfitWisdom BEFORE your flight….jusssssssssst in case.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=X4WC2WP2NUXCQ

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV\

Header: chickart@cox.net

"One of these days Alice, POW...right to da moon....and I ain't waitin' for Newt to get us there either."

Instantly a giant lightbulb, most likely the size of Newt’s head, illuminated as he thought to himself:  “YES!  That’s it. Send Alice to the moon….along with everybody else by the year 2020, um, after I’ve been reelected and into my second term as President.”

He immediately headed down to the debate and presented his plan for moon colonization.

“‘Friends, Romans, (he’s converted to Catholicism) countrymen and Floridians, who by the way are extremely worried that the space program might be in the sewer, fear not……the Newt is here to save the day. Just think of him as “Underdog!!!” Or was that Mighty Mouse here to save the day? Either way folks, he can fit into any one of those super hero outfits, after a few minor adjustments around the waist.”

Pausing a moment to reflect on the audience who by then was extremely curious and salivating on the possibility of once again having a space program in Florida, the Newt continued,

“Yes Floridians, you heard me correctly. I, The Newtster, will bring our space exploration back to its grandiose state by proposing, after my second term as President that is, that we head off to the moon, colonize it, and begin exporting cheese as our first commercial enterprise.  Then, we will develop the moon into a robust commercial space industry and from there launch other space ships to explore Mars, and perhaps the planet Almond Joy as well.”

The crowd, in excess of 700 people were visibility thrilled at the thought of possibly living on the moon and then be able to continue on and explore Mars to see if they actually make that candy there.

He even hinted that possibly the moon could become a state.  YES! A state, with its own flag, (a wedge of cheese superimposed over a Ritz cracker) and a state government. Not only that, but totally self-dependent with power for homes and industry coming from the moon itself in the form of moonbeams.  Which obviously could be managed by California Governor Jerry (moon beam) Brown considering his vast experience with moonbeams.

Once again the crowd showed its approval with applause, especially when the debate caterers began passing around more Ritz crackers and cheese.

Newt, now on a roll, which is very easy for him to do considering his “Pillsbury Dough boy” shape went on:

“I’m sick of being told we have to be timid.  I’m sick of being told we have limited technologies that are 50 years old”

I think myself , that he may have been sick and tired of eating Ritz crackers and cheese and was hoping the debate would end quickly so that he and Callista could beat feet to the nearest steak joint.

Meanwhile, his closest opponent for the Republican nomination, Mistso Romney, stood by waiting for the opportune moment to comment on all of this space/moon exploration stuff proposed by the Newt.

Then…..seizing the moment, Mitso chimed in: “If I had a business executive come to me and say I want to spend a few hundred billion dollars to put a colony on the moon,  I’d say, you’re fired.!”  Or, I’d hire Donald Trump to say it for me. He does it so much better than I.

In other words Newt…..”WHAT! Are you a nucking fut!” (just rearrange the words and you’ll get it)

Obviously what all of this means is that Newt was telling the people in Florida, (space country) just what they wanted to hear so that they would vote for him. Either that, or he really is nucking futs.  I’d go with the latter. Unless of course there really is chocolate on that Mars planet, then I’d be all for it.

HEY!  We all know that the “Mars” company makes such delicious stuff as Snickers, M&M’s, Twix, and Dove candy bars.  What better place to manufacture them then on Mars.  The only problem I see with Newt’s plan after we’ve colonized the moon and head off to Mars is that the Mars Candy Company also makes pet food.  Stuff like “Whiskas” and “Pedigree” dog food.  Why is this a problem you ask?

Because this could all be a sinister plan by the Mars Candy Company to lure us all to Mars where, once we get there, we discover that the planet is inhabited by dogs….bigggg ferocious dogs with bigggg teeth and verrrry tall. So the plan by the Mars company all this time was to lure us unsuspecting humans to that planet, and then eat us.

And Newt is playing right into their hands….or paws.

FORGET IT NEWT!  I for one am not falling for that idea of yours to go to the moon and then to Mars.  The moon I can understand. We all love cheese and I have no problem with the Ritz cracker company.

But…the “Mars” company!  How do ya trust a company that on the one hand makes all kinds of chocolates for humans, BUT, on the other hand, or paw, makes dog food!!!! It’s a damn trick NEWT!!  Wake up for Gawds sake!

AND….if you’re gonna insist that we go ahead and explore Mars, that is if you’re into your second term, (dream on) at least send all those stupid Floridians there first.  because nobody in their right mind is gonna care if THEY go and get eaten up by a bunch of wild Martian dogs.

Heh heh heh heh heh...those unsuspecting humans have fallen right into my trap....heh heh heh

Besides, Florida is already way too overcrowded with one foot on a banana peel seniors anyhow and we really need the room for the next wave of baby boomers.

M&M anybody?

(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted (blue) copy and paste it into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal site which Newt Gingrich has proposed that we explore if we do not get the funding to go to the moon or Mars.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=84W86GQXCSQCJ

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

Yes Mr. Bill, Yes.....Twitter is censoring!!!

Yes….Yes….Twitterbeings, Twitter, not to be confused with s**tter such as bears do in the woods, on occasion, when no one is looking, is actually going to basically do the same thing, when no one is looking, by refining its technology so that they can censor messages on a country-by-country basis. OMG!!

TWITTER!!!  CENSORING!!! Cripes, that’s like taking Lewis Black and gagging him every time the “F” word comes out of his mouth.

This can only mean one thing, besides censoring that is.  It means that we, as users of Twitter can no longer tell any ethnic jokes. Like, “Did ya hear about the Polish terrorist who tried to blow up a car but burnt his lips on the tailpipe.”

OMG!!  No more ethnic jokes. The Mayans were right! Here’s the first sign! OMG.

Damn, and I had so many ethnic jokes in my brain. Now what the hell do I do?

(thinking)

I’m sorry folks. My apologies to all ethnic groups, including myself, (Italian) I have to purge myself of all ethnic jokes before Twitter pulls the plug and censors me and everyone else. Forgive me. This may be my last chance to do it.  Damn you Twitter.

Soooooooooooo, two Italians, Luigi and Giovanni were building a spaceship in their backyard when Guido approached them and asked them what they were doing.

“We building a spaceshipa and Giovanni and I are gonna go to da sun.”

“Luigi, yousa buildin a spaceshipa and youa gonna go to da sun. Whaddya yousa crazy…..you gonna burna up!”

“Ha Ha Ha, Guido…da jokea isa on yousa, we gonna go at night.”

Ok….Italians outta the way….onward. Hmmmm, lets see, oh yeah, the ever popular Jewish jokes.

A widowed Jewish lady was sunbathing on a beach at Ft. Meyers, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. “Hello, sir, how are you today?”

“Fine, thank you.” he responded, and turned back to his book.

“I love the beach. Do you come here often?” she asked “First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago.” he replied and turned back to his book.

“I’m sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is very lonely.” she countered. “Do you live around here?” she asked.

“Yes, I live over in Cape Coral.” he answered, and again resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, “Do you like pussy cats?”

With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to her, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!

When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, “How did you know that was what I wanted?”

The man replied, “How did you know my name was Katz?”

Onward……

Oh yeah……What do ya say to a Muslim with his arm all the way up a camel’s butt?

“Having car trouble?”

Sorry, but I didn’t write that one either. Well, um, actually I DID write that one but I wrote it here after someone else wrote it somewhere else and I just re-wrote it here.  HEY….I’m tryin’ to get as many ethnic groups in here as I can so that at least EVERYBODY gets offended, including my own Italian relatives. Fair is fair ya know.

Onward……yep….Mexican time.

A U.S. border patrol agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes by the border fence, he pulls him out and says, “Sorry, you know the law, you’ve got to go back across the border right now.”

The Mexican man pleads with them, “No, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!”

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I’m going to make it hard for him and says “Ok, I’ll let you stay if you can use 3 English words in a sentence”.

The Mexican man of course agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, “The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence.”

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, “Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?

On to Chinese:

A single Chinese man owns a Chinese restaurant, and one day a beautiful Chinese woman walks in. He immediately walks over and asks her out on a date. She agrees. They go out for a while, and soon, the man proposes to her. She says “Yes, but before we do, there’s something you must know. I have never had the sex, but I’ve read about it.” He says that it’s not a problem, and they are married.

On their honeymoon, the man tells his wife that since she’s a virgin, she can choose what they do first. She says “Oh, most honorable husband. I am honored to be your wife, even though I have never had the sex, but I’ve read about it. So, I have chosen to have the 69.

The husband looks confused, and after thinking about it, he says “You want.. the beef and broccoli?”

Ba-da-boom-ba-da-bing………….

I bet you all thought I forgot The Irish…heh, heh, heh….take THIS Twitter!

A bar is empty except for two patrons. One of them staggers over to the other and says, “How’s it going? Where you from?”

The other guy says “Ireland.”

The first drunk says “That’s cool! I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have a round for Ireland!” They both drink merrily.

Then the first guy says “So where in Ireland are you from?”

“Dublin.”

“Dublin? Awesome! I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another round for Dublin!” Once again, they both drink merrily.

Then the first guy asks, “So where did you go to school?”

“St. Mary’s, class of ’62″ answers the other guy.

“Incredible! I graduated in ’62 from St. Mary’s, too! Let’s have a round for St. Mary’s!” Once again, they suck down another round.

Just then, one of the bar regulars walks in and sits at the bar. He asks the bartender, “So what’s going on today?”

The bartender answers, “Nothing… The O’Malley twins are drunk again.”

Finally, a bit of Greek humor………………..with an Italian thrown in for good measure.

A Greek and Italian were arguing over who had the superior culture. The Greek says, “We have the Parthenon.”

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greek retorts, “We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics”

The Italian, nodding agreement, says, “But we built the Roman Empire.”

And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. j With a flourish of finality he says, “We invented sex!”

The Italian replies, “That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women.”

OK TWITTER…….BRING IT ON……CENSOR ME, CENSOR ME……I CAN TAKE IT!! (Scene from an old Jimmy Cagney movie) Ok ya dirty screws….I ain’t afraid to die….do ya hear me coppers……..comeon’ and get me ya rotten low down ratfinks!”

You been workin' for them rotten Twitter screws all along haven't ya...TAKE THIS !!!!!

Um….jussssst in case they do come after me, I didn’t do any ethnic native American jokes…………..only because I still wanna be able to go to a casino.

OK Twitter….sock it to me.

(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted it might mean Twitter censored it because they might think it was some sort of ethnic joke disguised in code. Can’t slip anything by those guys. Damn! Anyhow, try to copy and paste it into your browser and beat feet to the PayPal site before Twitter gets there first.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=4SA7CC8Z5QBGE

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

Actually writing this stuff doesn’t take much contemplating.  You simply scan the news of the day and contemplate what the heck it is that deserves contemplating.  Which is what I did this morning when I began to contemplate….after a bit of meditation, which I usually do in the bathroom…….sitting…….which is just about all you can do while sitting there. A perfect place for contemplating I might add.

So, I contemplated about writing about Demi Moore, her breakup with Ass-ton Kutcher, her weight loss, and her 911 call to paramedics because she was suffering from a case of extreme exhaustion.  Which is understandable considering that she’s 49 and Ass-ton is 33 and he probably wore her out, which, is why he decided to dump her. Damn ratfink.

Then I contemplated a bit more on that and said to myself, “Misfit, why even bother contemplating about Demi’s weight loss and her pulling out of the movie “Lovelace” when there are so many other things to contemplate about.”  Besides, why should I waste good contemplating time on that when there are much more important things that deserve contemplating.

Like are those solar rays from the sun going to affect us earthlings. Or, should I just contemplate about the Tampa Bay Rays and the effect they will have on the earth….namely this years baseball lineup.  Hey, rays are rays and there’s not much I can do about the sun’s rays except get a tan while watching the Tampa Bay Rays.  Seems logical to me.

But, I felt that both those were not worthy of any serious contemplating time.  So I went back to my computer and contemplated writing about Newt and Mit, but with all that’s going on between the two of them I contemplated that it wasn’t worth wasting a good blog on. At least not until Mitt admits he’s actually eaten a McDonald’s hamburger and Newt responds back to Mitt, “What the hell is a McDonald’s?”

See folks…..it takes a lot of serious contemplating to write this stuff. You just can’t sit down in front of a computer and contemplate about what you’re going to write about without contemplating about contemplating in the first place.

Now “Dante,” the Italian poet, did a lot of contemplating himself.  Unfortunately he died at a rather young age, (56) from doing too much contemplating, which is why you see a lot of statues of him in a contemplating pose because it took a few months for the Italian authorities to realize that he was indeed dead because they were so used to seeing him in that same pose for long periods of times. I personally think he died due to starvation because he spent waaaay too much time contemplating, or, he may have lost considerable weight after having an affair with a younger woman.  Either that, or he contemplated a lot in the cold weather, and, as you can see by his photo, walked around naked much of the time and froze solid while contemplating.

Dante, the Italian poet, in his contemplating pose shortly before Italian authorities discovered he had been dead for some time.

So, in conclusion, I’ve basically determined that I myself should not spend too much time contemplating on what to write when I sit down each day and contemplate this blogs subject matter. Lest I wind up losing weight and freezing to death and my other half has to contemplate calling 911 because I was too stupid contemplating what to write and forgot to put some clothes on. (she keeps the house thermostat set at 45)

So, I’ve done enough contemplating for today and have decided that rather than tax my brain further by indulging in any more contemplating about what to write about in today’s blog, I’ll simply skip writing a blog today and contemplate on what to write tomorrow.

See…..that didn’t take much contemplating at all!

(DONATE) I contemplated about posting my MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link below because nobody ever donates, but, upon further contemplating, I decided that, what the hell, I’ll post it anyhow just in case someone contemplates about actually making a donation. So, if it is not highlighted, simply copy and paste it into your browser, go to the PayPal site, and then sit for a moment to contemplate on just what you’d like to donate.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q2WBTJ2SHGCTW

Why contemplating sometimes takes a bit of time

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

Which touches on the term kicked around a bit, “class warfare.”  Which, having attended many schools during my childhood and dealing with bullies in class, I know a lot about.

Um….WAIT!  I think I may have that wrong. Maybe it’s a different kind of “class warfare” the President was talking about. Damn….and I already had a stash of spit balls all ready to launch……RATS!

All things considered, they "were" and still are.

I think I’ll get a lot of flack, or arrows on my view of the President’s State of The Union speech, but, what the hell, I have a flack jacket left over from my first marriage, so I dug it out just in case.

Now folks, the way I see it, in light of the fact that Mittso Romney released his tax records the other day and basically pays the same amount of taxes as most of us working class slugs, is that “YES,” I personally think that’s a bit unfair.

Yes, I know, all of you rich people, if there are actually any rich people reading this blog, are saying, “WHAT!  Are you nucking futs! We worked hard to earn all of the millions of dollars we have, so why the hell should we pay more taxes! Quit your damn whining and pay your fair share you damn jerks.”

Um…..I thinkith that is the problem, me being one of those “jerks.”  We don’t have much of a “fair share” to give.  So let’s look at what Obama said and what the Republican response was.

First, the Prez:

1. The speech focused on “fairness”
Obama presented most of his proposals — higher taxes for the super-wealthy, tax breaks for manufacturers that employ Americans — “in terms of fairness,” says Adam Sorensen at TIME. The “defining issue of our time,” Obama said, is keeping the American dream alive, restoring “an economy where everyone gets a fair shot, everyone does their fair share, and everyone plays by the same set of rules.” Obama’s “biggest new idea was attaching a number to his previously articulated ‘Buffett Rule’,” says The Washington Post in an editorial: Anyone earning $1 million or more a year would pay at least 30 percent of their income in taxes. “Think of this as a new version of the alternative minimum tax.”

Below: Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels (R) response to Obama’s plan that there should be “fairness” by taxing the poor rich people:

Daniels took particular aim at Obama’s efforts to raise taxes on the rich and castigate them for not contributing their fair share to the nation’s burdens. Joined by Republicans on Capitol Hill and the presidential campaign trails, the GOP goal was to both blunt and shift the focus away from Obama’s theme on Tuesday of fairness, which included protecting the middle class and making sure the rich pay an equitable share of taxes.

I particularly got queasy at the word, “castigate,” which immediately gave me a sort of knee jerk reaction to grab my crotch. I’m assuming that Governor Daniels means that if the wealthy, (those who make $1 million or more a year) are required to pay 30% more in taxes than say the average person who might make, say, $50 thousand a year, then that queasy feeling might come over millionaires as they reach for their Pepto Bismol bottles.

I don’t get it.  Daniels sez that we all shouldn’t play by the same set of rules?  Damn it, I’m never playing blackjack at a casino table with THAT guy!

Daniels went on to say:

“No feature of the Obama presidency has been sadder than its constant effort to divide us, to curry favor with some Americans by castigating others,” Daniels said, speaking from Indianapolis. “As in previous moments of national danger, we Americans are all in the same boat.”

Oops…there’s that “castigate” word again.  Hmmmm…..did they do that in Sherwood Forest during the days of Robin Hood?  Come to think of it, a lot of those merry guys did have rather high-pitched voices.

Soooooooo…..is Obama Robin Hood, taking from the rich and giving to the poor and Mitch Daniels the Sheriff of Nottingham?  I suppose it depends on your perspective, which is, how much money do ya make Little John and the rest of the Merry men of Sherwood D.C. pay in their fair share of Sherwood Forest taxes.

Recent photo of Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men prior to being taxed. A photo taken shortly after they paid their taxes was too horrible for this blog to print.

Quote from the Associated Press….which is a news service that has a lot of associates I guess. “It remains unclear how the detail of Romney’s fortune will play among American workers, (us) who on an average earn less in a lifetime that Romney paid in taxes in 2010 alone. Meanwhile, the typical taxpayer, (us) pays a similar share of his income to Uncle Sam as he (Romney) does, roughly 15 percent.”

Hmmmm…..let me see if I can put this in a better context for ya.

If I make $50 thousand dollars a year, I get to pay 15 percent tax.  If Mitt or Newt for that matter, make a gazillion dollars a year, they also get to pay 15 percent.  So what’s the big deal here? What’s the problem?  I don’t see no stinkin’ problem with that! Fair is freakin’ fair!  Aren’t we all paying our fair share?

Um…..except, as far as I can determine, after I pay my 15 percent I really don’t have much left over, say like Newt who earned more than $3.1 million or Mitso who earned around $20 million. Which is why most of us lowlifes can’t afford to run for President.

So what’s the solution to this problem?

The answer.  There isn’t any solution because it will always be business as usual in D.C.

Which is, Democrats vs Republicans and Republicans vs Democrats until a real Robin Hood and his Merry Men come along. So far it looks like Warren Buffett and Obama are the only ones in Sherwood Forest willing to change things. Or even DARE to suggest that fairness should prevail.

But, in conclusion, we must remember that corporations are people. And just like Jill, who took advantage of a situation and made a few bucks and built it into an empire, we should all cut Newt, Mitt and all other wealthy people some slack.

Oh…who’s Jill?  You remember Jill. From a meager childhood she parlayed a few bucks into millions and to this day pays only her fair share of taxes….15%.

Remember?  Jack and Jill went up the hill, (capital) to fetch a pail of Evian Water. Each had one dollar and a quarter.

Jill came back with two-fifty, which raises the question, did they really go up that hill for water? Did she pay taxes on that transaction?  And, was it her fair share or did Jack get it up the ol kazoo?

With a little help from "Bain Capital," Jill was able to take her acquired two dollar and fifty cent profit and invest in a "Evian" drive in water franchise.

I’m throughly confused.

(DONATE) Oh subjects of the forest, reach into your pouches and click on the MisfitWisdom Sherwood Forest PayPal link which is posted below.  Yes, below, under that big tree over there where Little John is taking a nap. If it is not highlighted, it might be due to the fact that Little John is so fat he’s blocking the highlighting light. In that case, copy and paste the link into your browser and you will be magically transported to the PayPal site where you can donate a pittance which Robin Hood will give to the poor……namely ME!

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=FJ4ZTLCJUEEVL

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

Of course I’m referring to the annual Oscar nominations that were just announced yesterday.  It’s ok for Hollywood to want to honor their achievements and that of the stars and all the rest of the individuals who contributed to a great movie. BUT……who actually, other than the stars and those individuals gives a rats ass?  Me…..nope.

The regular "Oscar" award statuette

Do I care enough to sit in front of my TV to watch the endless stream of award winners prance up to the podium and thank everyone for their Oscar down to the family dog? No!

Now you might think I’m being sort of cold-hearted, but ya have to think of it from my perspective.  Besides the entertainment industry, what other industry has a television program that honors people in the workplace?  After all, acting and producing movies is actually a “workplace” where actresses and actors go to work each and every day.

So, if you kinda take that out of context, don’t we, as normal everyday people do the same exact thing when we go to work each day…..except that we, for the most part, don’t get to dress up in outlandish costumes or wear makup……except for women that is.

Well, actually some of us do actually get to wear costumes. chauffeurs, UPS and FedEx drivers, the mailman, servers at Dunkin Donuts, McDonald’s, Burger Kings, Wendy’s, and street hookers, who, obviously should be number one on the list of people who should be awarded with an Oscar or something, simply for some of THOSE outlandish outfits.  Not to mention the acting performances both before and after soliciting prospective patrons. Worthy of an Oscar don’t ya think?

The other "Oscar" that should be given out for some of the garbage Hollywood puts out

See, you never hear of normal everyday people getting awards for great performances.  It’s always Hollywood this and Hollywood that.  It’s time we honored EVERYBODY who gives a great performance.

How about that FedEx guy who tossed that package over a fence containing an expensive computer monitor and kept us all in stitches.  Or the pepper spray cop who kept his cool while spraying a bunch of protesters. The action scene in that was totally worthy of an Oscar. Or those perfectly choreographed dance scenes that highlighted the exquisite moves of former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Burlusconi at those Bunga Bunga parties. Best Oscar award for a foreign dance film.

Best Oscar For Choreographing and Performing in a Dance Scene: Silvio Burlusconi (knog.google.com)

The Captain of that cruise liner, Francseco Schettino, that sank off the coast of Italy should surely get the “Best Actor” award for his performance. That heart wrenching scene where he says to authorities, with tears in his eyes and full of emotion, “Looka, I dida not abondona da shipa,…….I wasa helping da passengers and fella off da boat and into da lifeboata anda beforea ah knowa it, ba-da-booma, I’ma ona land.”

I cried myself at all of the emotion in that one touching scene. My heart went out to the captain in his valiant attempt to remain on that ship. The shear emotion depicted in his facial expressions as he told his heart wrenching story while sitting at police headquarters sipping a latte. Oscar award for the best actor.

How about an award for the best actress. Surely one can’t forget that emotional scene when former Tea Potty candidate Christine O’Donnell said, “I am not a witch.” I put down my eye of newt sandwich and applauded that speech. Yep….best actress.

There are a lot of other categories in the Academy Awards that regular people deserve to be honored for as well.  Make up artists. Yes, I know we don’t care about THOSE awards, but this year one particular person stands out and should receive that award.  If I were on that nominating board I would have chosen, in the category of best makeup for a performance, Callista Gingrich.  My gawd…..have you seen her!  It must take hours and hours of hair spray and Elmers glue just to prepare her to stand by Newt’s side and hope the sun isn’t strong enough to melt her makeup and hair.  Fascinating if ya ask me.

Can anybody say….”Barbieeee Doll?”

I think it’s about time we all get together and establish our own Oscars.  Perhaps call them something else, so as not to infringe upon the name “Oscar.”  Something really catchy and worthy of honoring all of the people who never get honored right down to normal everyday people.

Hmmmmm…………

HEY!   How about “SLUG!”  YES!  A gold covered slug!  Slugs never get any recognition and this would be their shining moment as well.  Present it to the mailman, that UPS or FedEx driver, that pepper spray guy and all the rest of the people who never get any appreciation for their accomplishments.  Who knows, this idea might just take off and next year at this time we’d be watching the first annual “Slug” awards on national TV.

Best Costume Award.........Lady Ga Ga (weiner-dog-blogspot.com)

I’m gonna make my list right now for next years nominations.

Starting with best actress and actor.

Best Actress: My other half with her famous, “I have a headache” line when I’m feeling frisky.

Best Actor: Obviously myself, when I reply to her, “Do ya really wanna waste a good Viagra pill…………………do ya punk?”

(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom daily, weekly, monthly, annual donate link for PayPal donations for the cause is posted below. If it is not highlighted it is most likely due to the fact that most of the highlighting has been used up by the Oscar people in highlighting their achievements. In that case, just click on the link, copy and paste it into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal site where you can then make a donation and receive a bit of applause….from me.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=5N2728AKU3PWC

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

Am I suggesting that Newt is somewhat on the portly side?  You betcha!

The Newt. Obviously posing for a balloon of himself to be used in the next Thanksgiving Day parade in New York city.

But, I’m not alone on this call.  Comedians and cartoonists have been portraying him as the “Pillsbury Dough Boy” and the “Michelin Tire” guy.  Strangely enough, both of those characters seem to look a lot like Newt.

I mean, we all know that Newt has had ties to corporations just like Mitt Romney and every other single politician on the face of the earth. But why is it he’s the only one who seems to resemble these two corporate logos?

For instance. Mitt, while at “Bain Capital,” helped to establish companies like “Burger King,” yet ya don’t see Romney wearing a crown or dressing up in Kingly clothing do ya.  He doesn’t even begin to resemble the King in those Burger King commercials. But Newt…..he’s got Pillsbury and or Michelin written all over that body. It’s like ya wanna shove him into an oven and then pull him out 45 minutes later and spread icing all over him.

Newt caught off guard during the South Carolina primary emerging from the Men's room

“Wow Honey!  What’s that wonderful smell coming from the kitchen?”

“It’s Pillsbury’s Newt Cinnamon rolls dear. Biggggg round and fluffy hot cinnamon rolls with icing that you can spread on them straight out of the oven.”

“Ahhhh….I should have guessed. My favorite. Hot Pillsbury Newt Cinnamon rolls. I just can’t get enough of them.  Might even have to go out and have an affair with another woman who loves to cook just to get my fill of these sumptuous rolls.”

OR…..get a damn lug wrench and slap a pair of Newt’s radial tires onto your SUV for better tires during a snow or rain storm.  This guy doesn’t need to run for President.  He could be the spokesman for either one of those brands and be completely believable.

Yet another Newt candid shot. This time wearing his Michelin outfit and again, exiting a Men's room.

“Yes folks, protect your family during bad weather with a pair of Michelin Newt tires.  With all of the hot air we pump into our tires they’re guaranteed to stay inflated under any condition………….perfect for any politician.”

I think one of these two company logos is actually Newt. I can’t seem to pin it down but I’m leaning towards  the “Pillsbury Dough Boy” based on a scientific facial analysis  recognition system developed by Dr. Fergenstoff  Stilonzsik of Bavaria back in the 1940′s.

Using this facial recognition system, it is possible to compare the facial features of Newt Gingrich’s to that of the Pillsbury Dough Boy and find striking resemblances.  However, upon forwarding the same information to the research lab at FBI Headquarters in Washington, D.C., they have concluded that my research is correct with regard to the facial recognition aspect, but, find conclusive evidence that the lower portion of Mr. Gingrich’s body closely resembles that of the Michelin Tire guy.

Further investigation, comparing both sets of findings, from Dr. Stilonzsik and the FBI, as well as my own research, points to one final unanimous conclusion.

Newt was most likely conceived in a marriage, or affair, between a Pillsbury Dough female and a Michelin Tire male. DNA tread marks along with traces of icing have proved these findings to be conclusive.

So there ya have it folks.  Beyond a reasonable doubt, conclusive evidence that Newt Gingrich is the son of Mr. and Mrs. Michelin Pillsbury.

Remember, you heard this story here first on MisfitWisdom.  Always…”Fair and Unbalanced.”

Further proof that Newt is the son of Mr & Mrs Michelin Pillsbury in this early childhood photo

(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, copy and paste it into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal site where today we will be serving a combination of Newt Cinnamon Swirls, which are big fat buns with icing on top served on Rubbermaid trays made out of Michelin Newt rubber.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=CRFE6NHKJ9GS8

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net

Griffin

My thinking is, if you’ve got it, flaunt it.  And she’s got it. And she’s obviously flaunting it. Which is fine with me, but not maybe so with the TV networks.  They haven’t really complained about her flaunting, yet, but at some point I think politically correct people who know what’s best for all the rest of us are going to start writing the networks about showing any future flaunting.  Which means Kathy will have to flaunt somewhere else.

Like maybe shopping malls, local bingo halls, Wal Mart’s, at a political rally, or on satellite radio such as the “Howard Stern” show.  Which encourages flaunting.  And, as we all know, you can flaunt on radio because no one can see you.  Which means that you have to use your imagination when someone is flaunting on the radio, which also means that eventually those politically correct people will step in and demand that using your imagination while someone is flaunting on the radio should not be allowed.

This, due to the fact that one’s imagination can go to extremes if you begin to imagine Kathy Griffin stripping or completely naked and decide to take things into your own hands….literally. Imagine THAT!

I stand corrected folks. You CAN get into hot water if you flaunt on the radio. In fact, I myself have to thank a very influential politically correct sponsor’s wife for having me fired from a radio station because I interviewed a topless waitress working at a donut shop in Fort Lauderdale, Florida on one of my radio shows. Not that it mattered that I was in Connecticut and on the RADIO and the waitress was in FLORIDA for cripes sake.

I think when that sponsor’s wife was listening to my radio show she may have let her imagination go berserk when she visualized topless waitresses and donuts. After all, we all know how visualizing topless waitresses and donuts can absolutely drive you nuts. I personally think it has something to do with frosting and licking. My guess anyhow.

Flaunt, flaunt, flaunt.........: )

Anyhow, I personally don’t see anything wrong with Kathy Griffin stripping anywhere, television or radio.  That’s only because I’m waaaaay beyond being shocked by anything I see on television including blood and guts on “CSI,” someone getting the livin’ daylights beaten outta them in a TV movie, or being shot up with a Uzi and all the sex related innuendos on sitcoms and other programs. Like I always said, it’s ok to show all that stuff on TV but someone naked…OMG!!!

We all know that if you see someone naked on TV it will corrupt your mind and you will be forever tainted, or, perhaps, lust after someone. Maybe even your spouse…OMG!!

Isn’t it annoying when you watch a movie and they bleep out all of those horrible words that all of us have never heard before. Like…..

“Ahm gonna blow yer f***ing head off you no good b***tard.”

Wouldn’t it be much nicer and politically correct if it were said….

“I am going to inflict severe damage on your head you bad bad nasty person.” (obviously, as once said to Al Capone by Eliot Ness)

Anyhow that’s how the politically correct people would like it to be.

Somehow I just can’t imagine myself tooling down the highway and some jerk comes along and cuts me off and I yell out the window, “Oh you terrible driver you!.”

To me, it’s much more satisfying, under the same set of circumstances, to roll down my window, flip the other driver the bird and recite various phrases which include the ever popular word, F**K in it.  Don’t you agree.

So with regard to Kathy stripping all over the place, I’m all for it.  Kinda makes otherwise boring TV much more enjoyable.  At least for the guys.

Might even add a little “spice” to some of those cooking shows on TV. I can see Paula Deen taking my advice.

“Today folks, we’re gonna spice up the show with how to prepare chicken breasts. And, as I prepare these beautiful chicken breasts, Kathy Griffin will prepare hers, just to add a little spice to the show.”

Ya gotta admit guys, it’s a great idea and very tasty…um….the chicken breasts I mean.

(DONATE)  The ever unpopular MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, copy and pastie it into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal site.  Oops….did I just say “pastie”….Hmmmmm…..must have Kathy Griffin on my mind….sorry.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=WK7RX2QGSBQQ8

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

Header: chickart@cox.net