Similar to combat bees in Croatia, are these “Seabees” from Quonset, R.I.

All in all honey bees have a kind of easy life. Wake up in the morning, don your honey bee yellow and black outfit, head out into the world, find a few flowers and stuff, suck out whatever it is those little critters suck out of flowers, usually pollen, or in the case of honey bees, honey I would assume, and then go back home and deposit your harvest in a honeycomb. My guess anyhow.

Seeing that we’re talking about “honeybees” then it would be safe to assume that honeybees would be sucking out honey in deference to sucking out pollen…..as sucking goes.

But, now honeybees have been classified as A-1 by the Selective Service System. Yep, honeybees are now part of the war effort against land mines. At least in Croatia, where apparently there are a lot of left over land mines from past conflicts in that country.

“F**K…I think I’m screwed!”

And, considering it’s quite a dangerous job for anyone, (humans) to take on the task of locating those land mines, as well as having to dress up in yellow and black outfits, which can be quite embarrassing, the Croatian government has come up with a new plan to enlist honeybees who are willing to sacrifice their lives for their country in order to detect those land mines.

Optional of course…..

The new land mine detection method was created in Croatia at the University of Zagreb. And because many of their citizens are exposed to serious risks from land mines along with their long tradition of keeping bees and making honey, and also doing what the birds and bees do on occasion, they figured, “Hey, what the hell, lets use honeybees to find land mines.” Makes complete sense to me.

4. Two insurance policies per bee

So how exactly do ya train a honeybee to find a land mine? My guess would have been to fling a honeybee on the ground as you’re walking along a suspected land mine area and if there’s an explosion, then if would be obvious that there was a land mine present.

But, as usual I was wrong. They do not fling honeybees to the ground to detect land mines. Which is why I’m not a scientist living in Croatia.

This is how its done. According to this BBC article, Professor Nikola Kezic, (there’s ALWAYS a professor involved in these stories) said that they set a tent up in which a bee hive is placed along a suspected land mine area with a number of places for the bee to find food. The key here is in the feeding locations. Only a number of specific places for the bee to find food are set up.

Mostly where they suspect there might be land mines. Or, a sign that says, “Diner.” Obviously not good for the bee if he or she is hungry.

“But Marvin….that would be considered dereliction of duty.”

These selected locations have soil surrounding them that contains the explosive material found in land mines. Eventually the bees associate the smell of explosives to food. Which is why they enlisted the use of bees rather than humans in the first place. Because no human with half a brain is gonna associate the smell of explosives with food. Unless they’re really stupid. Or eat a lot of black pepper.

Then again, I do read the “Beetle Bailey” comic strip and that guy “Zero” might be a candidate for volunteering to help with this bee mine detection project.

But WTF was that click sound!!!!!

However, bees aren’t the only stupid ones involved in this experiment. Besides “Zero” that is.

(bring in the rats)

Yes, in Africa, a four pound rat named Henrietta, (my apologies to anyone named Henrietta) is presently in training to detect land mines. Personally, if I lived in Africa I’d be hiring a four pound cat to track down that four pound rat lest it become frustrated with searching for land mines, gets a bit hungry, and starts seeking out things to eat…..like humans. Screw the land mines….I’m outta here!

Anyhow, when Henrietta finds a land mine its, “KABOOM!!!!” Rat parts everywhere!

Which is why “I”, zee famous Ratatouille, became a chef.

No, only kidding. When she finds a land mine she begins to dig in the ground and when this happens her trainer uses a clicker to tell her that she was a good rat and she then goes over to her trainer to receive a food reward. Providing she hasn’t triggered off that land mine and becomes a food reward for other animals.

The man behind the rat training program, (I just love typing these weird names) is a Belgian by the name of Bart Simpson……um…no….sorry, got that wrong, his name is Bart Weetjens. Yah!

When he spoke to a reporter from the “Seattle Times” he said of the rats, “They are very keen to work, as long as they get food.” Hey, no kidding Bart. Guess what they’d be gnawing on if ya didn’t give em any food…..YOU!

Professor Weetjens suddenly realizes, a bit too late, that he forgot to feed his lab rats

He went on to say, “The training is very simple. We associate a food reward with a target scent.” Which is similar to what those professors are using to train those honeybees.

My thinking is that if they’re ever out there in the field with either the bees or that freakin’ giant four pound rat and they ever run out of food, boy are they gonna be screwed….big time.

Bart also said that they tried with no success to use dogs, (German Shepherds) to seek out land mines, but even though the dogs worked out quite well, they were susceptible to “tropical diseases” and on occasion, one would trigger a mine. Not very good for the dog I might add.

HEY! If ya blow up a damn bee or rat who the hell is gonna give a, in this instance, rats ass? But dogs…geesh, everybody loves dogs.

Professor Weetjens also failed miserably in his attempt to convince sheep farmers to use German Shepherds to watch over the flock.

Apparently rats are working out quite well. Because even though they weigh four pounds they were not heavy enough to set off the land mines and they are extremely resilient to diseases. Which is why you never encounter any rats in a hospital laying in a bed next to you.

So, in conclusion, we can all be thankful that bees and rats are now being drafted to serve their countries.

However, a little tip for those scientists and professors in Croatia and Africa who may be a bit squeamish about dealing with bees and rats. You guys know what can happen when you screw around with Mother Nature. Just think……GIANT ANACONDAS!!!!”

Professor Weetjens suddenly realizes that perhaps rats may be a better option than using Anacondas

So my tip. Here in the Northeast we have an invasive vine, (affectionately called the “Mile-A-Minute” vine) that grows 6 inches per minute and strangles any tree or shrub in its way. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen my next door neighbor in a few weeks. Hmmm,?

It’s a resilient plant, doesn’t need to be fed, and will not sting or bite you. It just loves to crawl all over the place in leaps and bounds.

Recent photo taken in my backyard of the “Mile-A-Minute” vine

I’d be happy to send you some vines so that you can simply plant them in an area where you think there are land mines. They’ll multiply and crawl all over the place and if they see a land mine they’ll engulf it, as they do trees and other vines, and BOOM!….. both the land mine and that stinkin’ vine are kaput. How simple is THAT! Mines and vines eliminated in one fell swoop. Or, as we like to say, “two birds with one mine…um, stone.”

Any honeybees or giant rats reading today’s blog…..you can thank me later.

Just sayin.’

DONATE: The creepy crawly MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link: (non-invasive)https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=W5TXEUULQW8X2

Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net

Me thinkith this calls for another Congressional Investigation

I’ve become very suspicious of our government ever since all of these scandals have come to light. Now that there are investigations going on in Washington, I think it’s about time we have Congress delve into a lot of other things I personally think President Obama is responsible for and that there may be a lot of other cover ups going on.

Besides various Congressmen “under the covers” cover ups with various bimbos that is.

Here are some of the things you might not know that may or may not involve the President. These are all actual news reports that need further investigation.

“Milwaukee Bra Ban Overturned” (UPI)

“globalintimatewear.com”

“A historic Milwaukee bowling alley and bar almost went without the appropriate “support” after a city inspector decided that dozens of bras hanging from its ceiling were a fire hazard. The 45 year-old tradition of hanging bras from the bra ceiling came into jeopardy when an inspector said that they were a fire hazard.”

So who’s ultimately responsible for allowing those bras in Milwaukee to be displayed on a bars ceiling? Obviously Obama. I’m sure he knew those bras were up there just dangling down for everybody to ogle and did nothing about it. Knowing full well that Michelle has bras of her own should have been enough for the President to take action. But did he? No! And now, all of a sudden the ban has been overturned. Why? (Congressional investigation: “HangingBraGate.”

“Nude Bea Arthur Painting By John Currin Sells For $1.9 Million At Christie’s Auction”  (Huffington Post)

OMG!!! OMG!!! OMG!!! OM…um…..Maude….say it ain’t so!!!

A naked painting of  “Maude” and “Golden Girls” star Bea Arthur sold in an auction this week for $2.5 million dollars. The painting by artist John Currin was painted back in 1991. Yes, Obama wasn’t President back then but records indicate that he did watch episodes of the “Golden Girls” and “Maude,” so what actual connection did he have to Bea Arthur, John Currin and maybe even Betty White. Does he secretly have a painting collection of a naked “Rose,” (Betty White) “Blanche,” (Rue McClanahan) or even worse, “Sophia,” (Estelle Getty) Who knows? The mere fact that he watched these shows should prompt an immediate congressional investigation: “ObamaBoobGate.”

“Hollande Signs French Gay Marriage Law” (New York Times)

All males in favor say aye……

Yes! Now French President Francois Hollande has signed the country’s first same-sex marriage law. So if you live in France and have had the same-sex you’ve been having for years, you can now continue to have the same-sex that you’ve been having for years without anyone, including the French government telling you that you’re really boring for having the same type of sex for all those years.

Especially in France where having the same type of sex for years is in not keeping up with the French tradition of having kinky sex for a lot of years. So who’s to blame for this sweeping change? YES! President Obama. Had he not been visiting with the French President and told him that he himself had same-sex in a marriage with his wife Michelle, the French President would not have gotten the idea to pass a same-sex law. This obviously means the U.S. is involved in French politics. Huge scandal. Congressional investigation: “SacreBleuGate.”

“Showgirls Dressed As Obama: ‘Bunga bunga’ Parties Featured Obama Costumes” (The Examiner.com)

Former Italian (bunga bunga) Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi attended a party recently where some of the girls were dressed as President Obama. (part of the story below)

“Nightclub dancer “Ruby the Heartstealer” (who is at the center of the sex trial) testified in court on Friday. While on the stand, “Ruby the Heartstealer” (real name: Karima El Mahroug) told everyone about the “bunga bunga” parties — and the costumes that went along with them.”

“The showgirls dressed as Obama may or may not have had sexual relations with Berlusconi. According to the report, at least one of these showgirls stripped to her underwear at one of the parties. In that instance, however, the showgirl was dressed as a nun. It’s unknown if any of the “Obama chicks” stripped or had any sexual contact with Berlusconi. As for El Mahroug, she says that she never had sex with Berlusconi or any other “bunga bunga” guests.”

Given President Obama’s fondness for white shirts, could this censored photo be that of him bunga bungering in Berlusconi’s bunga bunga cottage?

Yah…. iss der Bunga Bunga exclusive video vid der President:

http://youtu.be/Q8wpXKkrpcA:

Once again another scandal involving the Obama administration. Where did the Obama stripper dancing girl masks come from? Did Obama allow these strippers to take his picture thereby allowing them to make copies and use them as masks? Does the President have a “bunga bunga” addiction? Will DNA testing by the FBI show spaghetti stains on the President’s suit? Will those stains prove he was at that party and that it wasn’t a mask on a stripper, but, the President himself? And, did Linda Tripp have anything to do with producing those spaghetti stains on Obama’s suit? Congressional investigation: “MaskedSpaghettiGate.”

And finally, a news story that affects us all. One that is so heartbreaking that there surely needs to be a congressional investigation into the Obama Administration. Only because it involves Florida once again. No hanging chads, but worse.

“One Winning Powerball Ticket Sold in Florida” (KATC.com)

YES! ONE as in “ONE” winning Powerball ticket sold in Florida on Saturday! Someone in Florida has a winning ticket worth $590.5 million freakin’ dollars. Cripes, just give me the damn .5 and I’d be happy as a clam. BUT!  Does this have anything to do with yet another potential Obama scandal? Think about it. All the problems in Florida during Presidential elections. What better way to guarantee a Florida vote than to have a winning Powerball ticket sold there.

I know what you’re thinking. How could Obama be connected to a winning Powerball ticket? Well, I’ll tell ya. This is all part of the IRS scandal. (soon to be uncovered) Obviously the IRS, under orders from the President, pressured Powerball authorities to rig the game so that someone in Florida would win. THEN….Obama visits Florida, congratulates the winner, (obviously some poor destitute person barely making it residing in some small beach condo in Florida) and that person, grateful for meeting the President, makes a donation to the Democratic Party to be put toward Hillary Clinton’s 2016 run for the Presidency. This plainly calls for another Congressional investigation: “PowerClintonBallGate.”

Mr. Claus at his summer retreat cottage in Orlando, Florida.

So, as you can see, Obama is responsible for EVERYTHING if you look deep enough into things. It’s obvious he’s got his hands into everything and there are scandals just waiting to be uncovered.

(sigh)

I just wish Obama had been President when I was in high school and never finished my homework assignments.

I could have told the teacher, “Obama ate my homework,” and I’m sure she would have bought it.

It was at that point in time Fifi the poodle used the “Obama Ate My Homework” tactic.

Just sayin.’

DONATE: The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link:https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=XKYZUCHED6UUY

Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net

In Greenwich, Connecticut an anteater has given birth at a conservative center. Um, wait, that’s not right. Sorry. it should read, “an anteater has given birth at a conservation center prompting officials to wonder how the mother conceived.” Considering the anteater was not married, lived alone, and was not into the dating scene, this may have conservatives up in arms if the anteater was receiving any government subsidies such as food stamps.

This also has absolutely nothing to do with Bristol Palin.

Oh yeah….did I mention I’m pregnant too?

Conservatives were also immediately ruled out as having anything to do with the pregnancy as we all know that most conservatives do not have sex as experienced by the inability of conservatives to distinguish between sex and sox. And considering conservatives believe Sandra Fluke, who was on birth control pills was considered a slut. Or as Rep. Todd Aikin, (R) Missouri once said, ” “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”

Which means that if per chance the anteater was raped, it should have shut down its body so that it would not have become pregnant. Which obviously means this anteater did not either shut it body down if it were indeed raped, or, it simply, as Sandra Fluke was according to Rush Limbaugh, a slut.

Or, the pregnancy just could be a fluke.

In yet another story, an anteater in Greenwich, Ct. says she was assaulted by an unidentified anteater last month and………..

Officials at the “Leo Zoological Conservation Center,” NOT “Conservative Zoological Center,” which is almost the same except that they do not restrain their animals as they do in a zoo, told the “Greenwich Time” they had removed the only male anteater from the enclosure, (anteater condo) in August, long before the six month gestation period for a baby, named Archie, would have begun.

In layman’s terms, for those of you who have no clue as to what “gestation period” means, and think that it is a dot that you put at the end of a sentence when you’re writing a letter and eating, it means that the female anteater who is pregnant did not have enough time to have a night out with a male anteater to become pregnant.

Unless, they were meeting on the sly without the knowledge of zoo officials. Which is quite possible considering you just can’t keep an eye on what the freak anteaters do 24 hours a day. Boring!

Very popular song by The Drifters

So little Archie the anteater was born this past April with no knowledge of who his father is. Which of course will lead to another scandal within the White House because obviously the female anteater will now have to apply for state assistance to support Archie which means yet another anteater receiving an entitlement, which means Republicans will be all up in arms, or ants, screaming that it was Obama’s fault for allowing unsupervised anteaters  to have sex in the first place.

I sense an anteater investigation coming down the pike. Congress will act immediately to investigate why the anteater was left alone, how it was able to have unsupervised sex, and who knew it had sex and when.

Marcella Leone, founder and director of the conservation enter, suspects that this might be a rare case of delayed implantation, which is when fertilized eggs remain dormant in the uterus for a period of time.

Oh sure Marcella, the old coverup. Well let me tell ya, Republicans and conservatives are not gonna buy THAT explanation. No way Jose. Wait till Limbaugh gets ants in his pants and gets on this story. Heads will roll. Limbaugh will put the frosting on the ol cake when he exposes what the hell is going on in this huge anteater scandal. That is if actual ants do not get to the frosting and cake first. Then, it’ll be a lack of evidence that will exonerate the zoo and the anteater.

As his attorney, I can vouch that he was in Antarctica at the time your client claims she became pregnant.

However, given the fact that eons ago a star rose in the East on a dark night and three wise men recognized that this was an important event, enough to travel miles bearing gifts to a newborn, then that might be the simple explanation as to how this baby anteater was conceived.

Hey! Everyone’s constantly awaiting the return of the Messiah. Who says the Messiah can’t be in the form of a baby anteater? Are we too stupid to realize that God works in strange ways?

All the signs are there. No father in sight. The anteater had no sexual relations with any other anteater. It’s in an enclosure possibly made out of straw and has none of the finer stuff you find in high scale anteater residents. And, just like Joseph and Mary, had to take refuge in a stable.  Can’t ya see the similarities?  It’s right there in plain sight.

And she’s pregnant!

So, if I were those zoo officials I’d start looking into the “immaculate conception” theory immediately. Don’t wanna piss off an anteater if it’s really you know whose son returning in the form of an anteater ya know.

(Note to zoo officials) If you happen to spot three ants bearing some sort of offerings for this baby anteater call the Pope in Italy immediately.

Just sayin.

‘http://youtu.be/vWZ-pLUb9L8

DONATE: The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link:https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=AJQLMSE35C8A6

Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net

But, apparently “tools of the trade” can mean any trade as long as there are tools and trade involved….I guess.

As in this instance where a plunger can actually be called a tool of the trade. NEXT

Now first of all, some of you may have said to yourselves, “OMG! There he, (Misfit) goes again writing stuff about sex, dildos and vibrators. WTF is wrong with this guy.”

I wish at this point in time to state that “I” Misfit, did NOT come up with this story on my own. Not that I wouldn’t have if I had been the one to find in on the web, but it wasn’t me. So there! I’m 100% innocent.

However, that said, it appears to me that some, or at least one, of my Australian friends, who shall remain unnamed, (Charlie) has me pegged as to what stories catch my attention. And knows full well that I can’t pass any up on any stories that contain the words sex, madams, dildos and vibrators all in the same article. Charlie….you are so onto what makes me tick.

But, keep in mind that this story about all this sex stuff is out of Australia. So, if ya had to choose between who is the pervert here, would it be innocent Misfit who is simply writing this story so that all of you can be informed as to what the hell is going on right before your eyes, or should it be Charlie, who’s reading this stuff and forwarding it to me.

I rest my case. As weak and feeble as it may be.

Glendambo, South Australia….need I say more.

So anyhow, on with this story. An escort service in the land down under, because obviously it’s “down under” us somewhere if you’re from somewhere above, has threatened to pull up stakes and leave town after some “tools of her trade” were stolen from here car while she was on the job.

“On The Job?” Hmmm…..wonder if this means she was actually “on the job” as in “on someone,” most likely a male, and therefore that being considered as being “on the job,” as the “job” would be the person (male) she may or may not have been “on.” Thin line there folks. We’ll have to sort that out some other time. Or, let the police handle it.

Now Tracey Randall, the owner of “Minnie Maid,” which I assume is the name of her escort service, said that all of her “bag of tricks,” containing vibrators, strap on dildos, condoms and other booty was the “last straw.”

(straws were not part of her offering when it came to providing services)

Lets have a “hand” for another on the” job” service from “Minnie Maid”

(stop your gasping, “I” didn’t draw that damn cartoon….it was just too funny to pass up. Shoot the cartoonist not the messenger)

Yes, I agree with ya Tracey. How can any self-respecting woman running a Minnie Maid service expect to clean a house without having the proper “tools of the trade,” like those dildos to get into very tight spots when you’re cleaning. Or condoms to protect against catching germs when you’re in those very same tight areas. And the vibrators for obviously vibrating rugs to get the dust out. All tools of the trade for any respectable maid escort service.

Madame Tracey Randall of Minnie Maids’ escort service. I don’t EVEN wanna know what that device she’s sitting on is used for when it comes to cleaning whatever.

Apparently the passenger window of her vehicle was smashed while she was, as she put it, “doing overtime with a customer” at a local motel.

Yes, “overtime” folks. Which as we all know usually occurs when a place is really dirty and leads to a lot of maid overtime service work, or the customer is really dirty and needs a lot of maid “overtime” service work. Completely understandable.

Tracey says that she is completely fed up with the violence and crime in the area saying that, “I’m fed up with it. I’ve had enough of the violence and crime in town and there’s nothing done about it.” Which I also just said that she said.

So basically she’s throwing in the ol cleaning towel and just giving up.

Rover, unlike Tracey, decided NOT to give up

So what to do? I guess suck it up, (the cleaning stuff business) and move on to another town. My guess anyhow.

But, as “sucking up” goes, (not sure if this has anything to do with vacuum cleaners or is part of her business offerings) Tracey says that she will dump the escort cleaning maid whatever ya call it business and try to get a job as a mine truck driver in WA or Queensland.

Yep, like I always say. If ya can’t make it as a hooker, screw it, become a mine truck driver.

She says that the mines are “crying out for female drivers. They feel that females are easier on the vehicles.”

Um, Tracey, did ya bother to check to see if they were referring to their actual vehicles or if they call their male mine workers “vehicles.” Sometimes you just have to clear these things up. Ya never know. One minute you’re hired as a mine truck driver for a mine company and the next thing ya know you’re riding a mine truck driver who doesn’t mind……..or mine.

Either this means rescuers have arrived or it’s Minnie’s Maid Service

So ya see folks, it isn’t just us here in the states that have people wondering, “WTF is going on out there?” There are strange people willing to push the ol envelope EVERYWHERE walking around freely with absolutely no supervision. And you wonder why reality shows are such a big draw on TV. Well, here’s your answer.

Normal everyday people just don’t cut it anymore in today’s “I wanna know WTF is goin’ on” society. I, of course, consider myself to be in the “normal” category, but I’m a little bit worried about the rest of you out there. Remember, “I’M” only writing this stuff.

Um, Charlie, I’m beginning to worry a lot about you too. Um, I’m only kidding. I’m only worried a little. Um, maybe just a tad. But luv ya just the same.

Then again, living in Australia where a woman wants to file a claim for having her dildos, vibrators and condoms ripped off is something we’d NEVER do in the states.

Unless of course our supply of dildos, condoms and vibrators actually did fall under the “tools of the trade” category.

Some of you here in the states might wanna keep any eye out on how Tracey fares with her claim.

If she wins her claim and gets compensated for her loss, I suspect a lot of hookers who have suffered this devastating loss will be filing claims under, “tools of the trade.”

Why take this loss laying down. So to speak.

Just sayin.’

DONATE: The ever unpopular MisfitWisdom donate your life savings link:https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=7RM247LE4RPR8

Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net

Obviously THIS is the web site he’s referring to

Every once in a while my demented mind goes into overload. When that happens I have to take a day off, have my doc adjust my medications, take a stiff shot of Jack Daniels and go back to my blog archives to find a blog to repost until the meds kick in….or the Jack Daniels.

Not to worry Meesfeet. Take two of der green pills and you vill be fine tomorrow.

So with that thought, meds and Jack Daniels in hand, I took a break today from the usual wacko stuff that’s in the news.  I’m actually “overobamaisdestroyingtheworld” news stories and need a break from the Obama haters, Faux News, celebrity news and boobs.

Well, um, maybeeee not boobs….but um, ok, ok, at least that ONE boob that was hanging off of a bed in yesterday’s blog. As was pointed out to me as being “horrible” by my friend Charles who is an expert on boobs.

So, from May 31st 2010, with a bit of alterations, a MisfitWisdom reprise blog about things that drive me freakin’ nuts.

NOISE.  Damn it. I’m getting to the point that a lot of unnecessary noise is beginning to piss me off.  Loud radios, mufflers on cars, motorcycles and trucks.  I know there’s not much I can do about it other than to bang off a letter to my town selectman, but he’s never responded to any of my letters.  I can’t understand why.  When I call  his secretary she keeps telling me he’s not available because he’s out riding his Harley with his along with his truck driving friends. Hmmmm.

My apologies to the pigs and chickens

TV Commercials are another source of my nightly irritation.  Not that there “ARE” commercials, but the fact that they are annoying and loud and they seem to be inserting as many as they can into a half hour program.  It’s getting to the point that they actually need an “all commercial TV channel.”  My theory is that TV listings in the newspaper should list commercials with programs inserted in between.

Oh cripes honey, I’m not finished…..fill me in when I get back!

“Whaddya wanna watch tonight on TV dear?”

“Um, well, how about a couple of Ford Truck commercials, several new prescription medication commercials for erectile dysfunction, and perhaps 5 minutes of  “The Mentalist.”

“Hey great, I’ve been waiting all week-long to see if that guy ever gets that chick in bed after he takes his Viagra pill.”

“Yes honey, that was a cliffhanger wasn’t it.  And how about that other guy with the big smile on his face, “Bob” or something like that.  Remember all those women smiling at him while he was half-naked in that commercial that showed him going through the airport security line?”

“Oh yeah, he had that same erectile dysfunction problem too. Wonder how he made out?”

“Last I heard dear is that he’s being charged by airport security for carrying a concealed weapon in his pants.”

“Oh My Gawd…………Really!”

Um…it’s ok, I think they’re silicone implants

Self checkout scanners at supermarkets is another one of my losing it moments.  You go to the store, buy three things, go to the self scanner aisle so you can get the hell out of the store in a flash, and, “Kerflunko” something kicks out that you tried to scan and you have to wait for an assistant, who’s 20 miles down the other end of the store to help you out.  Meanwhile, the SOB in the next regular checkout line with a gazillion bags of groceries has already checked out and is heading out the door. Small tins of arsenic should be sold at those self check out scanners so that you can just end it all right there.

What about the times you go into a convenience store to pick up something in a hurry and the clerk is on his or her cellphone talking to their friends.  Don’t you tend to feel that you’re almost an inconvenience.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I interrupt your social life. How stupid of me.  Please forgive me, I’ll just take this stuff, leave, and pay ya later when you’re not so busy.  Heh heh.”

Or when you’re buying stuff you do not necessarily want other people to see you buying. Sooooooooo what happens 9 out of 10 times………

Damn! Am I gonna have this problem with the KY jelly too?

I usually like to exercise a few times a week by walking through a local park. However, I’ve decided that I can forgo that plan by simply going to a Home Depot, Lowes, Super Wal-Mart or any other super sized carry everything in God’s creations store.  Simply attempt to find a clerk when you can’t locate something, and 9 out of 10 times there will not be one within 5 miles.  This then allows you to walk the entire length of the store several times in search of someone, thereby getting your daily exercise.  Most of the time you can also get in a few extra laps around the store by locating a clerk that doesn’t know squat and directs you to the wrong aisle.  I  think most of these clerks are rehabilitated serial murderers in work release programs.

The last thing that drives me absolutely bonkers are senior citizens with no taste in clothing.  Now don’t start rolling your eyes if you’re a senior citizen reading this.  Especially if you’re one of those dressed in white sneakers, orange socks, plaid shorts and a Hawaiian shirt.  Unfortunately I fall into the “senior” category, but if you catch me dressed like that in public, I’ve either been doing some really good drugs or I’m totally blind and my other half, who wants to get even, dressed me.

(P.S.  If I ever have to get one of those motorized scooters I’m gonna make sure it has a Dodge Ram 5.7 liter Magnum V-8 Hemi engine and a four on the floor stick shift for power…..don’t F**K with me if you see me comin’)

Why did I pick that last one?   For all the times I’m walking behind one of those scooters that’s doing 2 miles per hour.

I just felt like venting today folks.  I think what set me off was waking up at 7am this morning to some SOB cutting his lawn with a jet engine type lawnmower.  Something else that drives me nuts.

Now where the hell did I put my shotgun?

DONATE: The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link:https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=GHGJUC6DBZEJN

Copyright 2010/2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net

I agree….they’re soooooo easy to score

Hey, and you thought us freakin’ seniors just sat around all day playing bingo and farting. Well screw you pal…..literally.

Well have I got a wake up call for all of you. Besides playing bingo and farting, we’re also helping to strengthen the economy by running our own prostitution ring with honest to goodness prostitutes. And no…..they’re NOT senior prostitutes. But real life hot looking eat your heart out fish net stocking type “so whaddya want me to do” type prostitutes.

I lied……they are senior prostitutes,

But….really hot senior prostitutes

But, there’s nothing shoddy about THIS operation fella. So get your wallets out and f**k, um….fork over the cash. Visa and MasterCard accepted.

As one web site reported, “Call it Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll Assisted Living.” I guess with a little assist from some really great prescription medications. My guess anyhow.

Another assisted living facility perk

The “Examiner.com” reports that the prostitution ring was run by a 75 year-old New Jersey man, James Parham, and that his helpers were elderly residents who were used as sex workers. But it wasn’t just sex, but cocaine as well. Oops….so much for the prescription medications.

Not absolutely positive, but, this could be a photo of James

So, my question is, were these hooker hookers or elderly hookers?

The difference being, hooker hookers are obviously hookers who, for the most part, are young, say for the sake of argument, from 20 to 30 years of age, (30 pushing the envelope a tad) while elderly hookers most likely fall into the 65 to death category. Near death elderly hookers obviously come with a discount, lest during the heat of passion said elderly hooker suddenly buys the farm. Kinda like an instant rebate.

Lawrence Welk became a bit rusty playing the accordion when he retired to a nudist elderly assisted living facility

Now the strange part of this story is that none of the senior prostitutes were arrested. Most likely because it would have been way too much of a problem loading scooters, wheelchairs, canes and oxygen tanks into paddy wagons. But, that 75 year-old guy was arrested and charged with being a damn pervert.

Um, no, that was not what he was actually charged with but I bet they thought about it. He was charged with “maintaining a nuisance” and having possession of drug paraphernalia.

The nuisance might have been a bunch of 75-year-old hookers forgoing their crocheting hooks to hook something else. In this instance, elderly men in an assisted living facility who wanted more than a freakin’ afghan crocheted for them.

“Hey Martha baybee. Whatcha makin’ there?”

“It’s an afghan so that you can feel nice and warm and fuzzy when you wrap it around yourself Elmer.”

“Hey, neat, really looks great. So what do ya charge for one.?

“$300 honey.”

“$300 dollars! Holy crap Martha. For $300 that damn afghan better do more than keep me warm and fuzzy!”

“Yes, I know Elmer, that’s why we’re charging you $300 for the afghan. It comes with some really great accessories honey. Realllly great accessories if ya catch my drift.”

Avoid this woman at that senior facility at all costs

Along with Parham, 65 year-old Cheryl Chaney, (no relation to Lon or Dick) has been accused of allowing senior residents and their visitors to feel cracks on the hoo…..um….sorry, read that wrong. It should read, “has been accused of allowing senior residents and their visitors to “use crack” in their apartments. Sorry, got sidetracked with my mind on hookers.

However, this type of “crack” IS allowed

Parham ran the prostitution ring through his apartments and used a mix of young and older residents.

Considering this was a senior citizen housing complex I’d sure as hell wanna know where that claim of, “a mix of young and older women” comes into play.”

I mean, as far as I know, the term “senior citizens housing” leads me to believe that those residing there are seniors. Sooooooooo, if ya say, “younger women,” do ya mean 65 in deference to 90 or so?

“Yeah Jim, I want a younger chick. How bout that hot babe over there in the oxygen tent?”

“Good choice Barney, she just turned 66 yesterday…..AND….she still has her own teeth!”

And she’s feisty too……..

In all fairness not all of the hookers, um, sorry, not all of the seniors in the complex welcomed the opportunity to supplement their incomes with extracurricular activities. And I’m not talkin’ about bingo or crocheting here. Some said that they felt rather uncomfortable with a few of their elderly neighbors working as “sex workers.”

Yep, alway a few party poopers in the crowd.

Um, Misfit, yer taklin’ about elderly senior citizens here.

Oh yeah, sorry. That should read, “Yep, always a few “potty poopers” in the crowd.

So where exactly did all of this torrid elderly sex take place? According to reports, the activities took place in common areas of the complex. So common that some seniors were afraid to go to certain apartment complex areas because they were afraid for their lives.

Which is completely understandable. Ya go to do your laundry, bend over to put some clothes in the dryer, and the next thing ya know someone’s slipping a $100 dollar bill into your “Bounce” fabric softener dryer sheet box asking you for a bounce in the sheets. Or $100 in your “Snuggle” bottle for a snuggle and a quickie.

I don’t EVEN wanna think about what ya get for $100 using Arm & Hammer. Kinky sex I guess.

As one of the senior residents of the senior citizen housing complex phrased it, “a lot of nonsense going on.”

What she actually meant was, “Them ol coots are f**king their nonsensical brains out.”

Obviously the press cleaned up her comments for this story.

Just sayin.’

DONATE: The nonsensical MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link:https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=RXLAL5ZKNEAWS

Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net

–

Why it was just last week that I said to myself, “Geez, if I could only give myself a route canal without having to pay all the expenses that it would entail.”  Not that I actually need a root canal, but I thought it might be fun to attempt one.

Only because those sly Britons have come up with a way to perform dentistry on yourself without the need to haul your butt off to a dentist and have him stick his “who know where they’ve been hands” into your mouth. And at the same time attempt to carry on a conversation with you.

“So Mr. Grosdnick, it’s been some time since we’ve seen you here at the “Pain R Us.” dentistry clinic…….how ya been?”

“Gmbphm,,blachh….muffff….”

“Now now, don’t try to talk while I have my two hands, a box of cotton balls and this jack hammer inside of your mouth.”

Do NOT go to that 10th one

So, no need to go through all that stuff again. Nope. Now you can stick all that stuff into your own mouth right at home and never have to carry on another conversation as well. Unless your spouse asks you some dumb question while you’re doing dentistry on yourself.

“Dear, the house is on fire, do you know where the fire extinguisher is!”

Gulf War veteran Ian Boynton, 46, who lives in Woodmansey, East Yorkshire, which I assume is in England, pulled out 13 of his teeth with a pair of pliers because he was in agony and could not find a dentist to treat him. This due to the soaring costs of receiving professional dental care. So, when in doubt, or broke, use a pair of pliers.

Or say the hell with it and go with the budget option

In another case, a 46 year-old man from Wandsworth, South London, needed major surgery after he stuck a crown into his mouth with super glue which ultimately rotted the bone in his gum. There was no mention in this story as to whether the crown was part of Queen Elizabeth’s crown inventory of crowns. I assume she has various crowns for various occasions.

So this is where the do it yourself part comes into play. As I said earlier, the rising cost of dental care has forced a lot of people to come up with their own home-made solutions. Just like our first President, George Washington, came up with the idea of having dentures made out of wood. Obviously to save a few bucks.

It was only after discovering that he had a severe case of termiteitus, (termites gnawing at his teeth during the night as he slept) that he eventually went to a dentist and received a new set of dentures made out of copper fashioned by that famous coppersmith Paul Revere, who also, as an added incentive to purchase his new copper teeth, threw in a really great set of Revereware pots and pans for ol George.

Hey…ya don’t believe me, ask Sarah Palin for cripes sake! Ya think I make this stuff up?

“Hey great job doc…but, um…will I still talk with a lisp?”

Obviously going to a dentist would be the best route to go if you are having any dental problems rather than attempting to do it yourself. Unless of course you feel that the cost of going to a dentist is beyond your means. Which it is for many Britons and other people across the world as well.  Except for cannibals, who usually boil or saute their food until it is tender enough to just gum it to pieces.

I only assume that’s what cannibals do because I have never seen a photo of a cannibal with a good set of teeth. Other than the ones their wearing around their necks from various food sources.

RUN MARVIN……..RUN!

It’s true that the cost of dentistry has skyrocketed. Many of us simply cannot afford going to the dentist anymore. So the Briton’s may be on to something here. All it needs is a little bit more refinement when it comes to home dentistry.

Need a tooth, or a few teeth taken out. Tell your spouse she looks really fat in that new dress she just bought. (savings $250)

Need a root canal. One simple procedure while you’re shaving with your Gillette razor can solve that problem. A needle and thread afterwards and SHAZAM,! a completed home root canal. (savings $1,600)

Need a new set of dentures. A can of silly putty, an elephant’s ivory tusk, which you can find just about anywhere, and a chisel and you’re all set. Fashion your teeth, bake in the oven at 300 degrees, and you’ll be eating steak in one hour. (savings $2,500)

And finally, for those pesky cavities that need to be filled. A soldering gun and solder……how brilliant is THAT! (savings $ 1,200) One tip however. When inserting the soldering gun into your mouth along with the hot solder, have someone else do it for you. You know how hard it is to talk when a dentist is performing dentistry on you. And in this instance, violent screaming and thrashing about will not make the procedure any easier for you.

Just sayin.’

Just for the record….why my last dentist, Ms. Flosnick, refuses to make any more appointments for me.

DONATE: The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link:https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=QNRE447TWU2N4

Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net

If you look closely you’ll see me at the very bottom of that “blogk hole.”

Yes, every so often I ask myself that very same question. Which is, “WTF! Why am I writing this stupid blog?” So, I’ve determined that there are a number of reasons why I write it, and perhaps I should share them with you if you’ve ever considered writing one yourself. Which may convince you to either write one, because you have absolutely no social life, or write one because, um…..because you have absolutely no social life.

Remember…….anyone can write a blog.

So I’m here today to encourage all of you prospective blog writers to take the plunge. Either off of the tallest building in your town because you have absolutely no social life, or to write a blog yourself so that you can tell everybody who reads your blog about your inability to have any type of social life. Either way, you’ll accomplish something at least.

Which is a really good blog, or your name in your local newspaper saying that you jumped off a very tall building because you had absolutely no social life. Your choice.

An example of a blogger not having both a social life and a sex life

So first of all, what prompted me to start writing this stupid blog? Besides having absolutely no social life what so ever. Well, here are a few reasons which you may want to employ as well.

1. I retired and had a lot of time on my hands, which my other half realized, and had six gazillion household and yard projects for me to do, so I figured if I wrote a blog each day, it was an excuse not to do those chores. Eventually she caught on to my plan and in the nick of time I devised a new one. Write a few actual books that no one would buy but got me out of all those chores. That one worked.

(sigh)

2. Nobody ever listened to my opinions on various subjects except the paperboy, mail carrier and my friend Speedy at my local gas station. So I figured if THEY were listening to my opinions, surely there must be other paper boys, mail carriers and gas station people who would read my blogs. As it turns out, the only people who read my blogs are perverts because I write about boobs every now and then. Oh yeah, and those giant inflatable dolls.

For me, it’s pizza….

3. The most important reason I decided to start my own blog was those constant voices in my head. Which is why I have a T-shirt that says, “I do whatever the voices in my head tell me to do.” Which I figure is a good defense plea should those voices ever tell me to rob a bank or something. Figure I’d get off on an insanity plea, wind up in a padded room somewhere, and at least be able to write this blog undisturbed. As long as I’m not in a padded jacket. Or I don’t face a firing squad.

Promise….I’ll type it real fast…

4. The final reason. I have absolutely no social life. Works for me.

Now seriously…..which is somewhat difficult for me, but I’ll try, here’s how to write your own useless blog.

First of all, you could start your blog on your own website. If you have one that is. But, most of us slugs don’t. So, the next best step is to go with what I consider to be the best blog hosting site on the planet. “WordPress.” Unless, of course, you have access to other planets. I say this because some people I’ve met in my life are definitely waaaaay out there.

WordPress has all the tools you’ll need to write all the stupid inane stuff that comes into your mind. Spell check editing, the ability to attach your blog to links to social media sites so that they can read your inane postings, a comments section so that people who read your blog can comment on your inane postings, a daily listing of how many people are reading your inane postings, what countries are reading your inane postings, and a breakdown of how many people per day, month and year are reading your inane postings.

Yeah, in your freakin’ dreams maybe…..

What this all does is separates the intelligent people from the stupid people who read your blog. So basically you wind up with a bunch of people who don’t have a clue from various countries reading your blog because they don’t have a social life either. Works for me.

WordPress, in my opinion, is the best way to begin experimenting with your blog venture. In fact, it’s so easy, it should be entitled, “Blogging For Dummies.” Which, I  just happen to fall into that category.

Now, as far as perhaps making a few bucks off of your writing. Well, far be it from me to tell anyone how to make a few bucks. Why? Because in four years of blogging that’s all I’ve ever made….a few bucks. That’s simply because rather than clutter up my very important blog writing with advertisements, I’d rather give it to my readers for free and hope they make a donation for creative effort. Or, because they feel sorry for me for being simple-minded. Works sometimes….but not too often.

However, you can opt to have advertisements on your blog site. Your choice. But….at least go with something that will bring you in some bucks. You obviously want people to click on those ads, for which you get compensated for by the advertiser. So, choose carefully. Try to go with something that’s unusual. Like discounted marijuana plants offering a two for one deal or something. Or, bootleg Viagra. Just a tip.

In conclusion, writing can be enjoyable, as well as getting you out of doing household chores. And, you can blog at your own pace. Every day, every other day, once a week, once a month, or when something just hits you. And if you have a hobby, say like taking photos with your camera at night while peeping into people’s bedroom windows, you can post your work on WordPress. Just a suggestion mind you.

So, good luck if you decide to join me in bloggersphere lant. (as Lawrence Welk would say) Visit “WordPress.com” and check it out. Um, but don’t say I sent you.

Only because they continuously refuse to highlight me on their “Freshly Pressed” site, (reserved for really great bloggers) because those WordPress monkeys think I’m a black sheep and are hoping a wolf will come along and do me in. To which I say, “Baaaaaaaaaaaa.”

In case you haven’t noticed, I “AM” the wolf…….

No carrots please….

DONATE: The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link:https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=HF9SDCG6PL652

Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net

Screw it…just leave it up forever…..

I’ve had it up to my balls when it comes to Congress conducting investigations. I say, “balls” because I’m not very tall and when something begins to tug at my lower extremities, I begin to panic.

It seems to me that this investigation stuff is getting way outta hand. Yes, there may be some investigations that warrant investigating, like why is it that Congress feels that it should investigate everything that they think should be investigated?

It’s like a bunch of old senile men and women who have been in Congress for centuries have nothing better to do than investigate stuff because they can’t quite figure out why they are actually in Congress in the frist place. Other than the perks they all get. Executive men’s and ladies room privileges and free toilet paper embossed with the congressional seal.

Congress in session……

Just think about all of the investigations they’ve been doing since the idea of investigating came to them in a brainstorm many years ago. Hundreds of investigations to investigate things that they felt need to be investigated. Here’s a list of some investigative things those clowns have investigated over the years:

The first investigation was in 1792 into the disastrous expedition led by General Arthur St. Clair against the Shawnee and Miami Indians, (not a baseball team) which took place in Ohio in which 657 American troops were killed. Possibly this one was justified.

However, did anyone ever investigate why a bunch of Miami Indians were in Ohio and if they lived there why were they called “Miami Indians?’

NIXON? NIXON? Um…..don’t remember him….sorry…

Of course over the years there have been many investigations including investigations into how many communists were hiding within the government. Congress back then was suspicious of everyone, including themselves, fearing that everyone was actually a communist. Except actual communists who conducted their own investigation fearing that everyone in their country was actually a congressman.

Then we had investigations into the Ku Klux Clan. (did they use clean sheets and were they union shop sanctioned) Watergate. (did Nixon order the break in at the Democratic Headquarters when all he had to do was call for room service to get into the room) The Iran Contra affair. (in which Ollie North had some sort of an affair with some Contra woman….I think) Bill Clinton. (in order to determine if getting a blow job constituted a Congressional perk, and if so, why weren’t other Congressmen getting them. Steroids. (at which time congress wanted to investigate why baseball players could get steroids really cheap and they couldn’t) and currently, two new investigations.

Um….after he calls Mark Sanford…..my guess anyhow.

The Benghazi investigation to investigate who Congress can put the blame on other than themselves when it came to security for the diplomats in Benghazi because Congress failed to ok funds for increased security when it was asked for by those diplomats ages ago.

And yet another investigation into the Boston Bombing  in an attempt to investigate why investigators didn’t investigate the bombers prior to the bombing so that their investigation would have concluded that those two individuals needed further investigating, which, if they had been investigated further, might have prevented the bombing in the first place and the need for yet another investigation.

But, all this investigation stuff is driving me nuts. I personally think Congress needs to be investigated as to why they need to investigate EVERYTHING instead of themselves.

Like, why the f**k are we here? What is our purpose? And, um, is there something else we’re supposed to be doing instead of wasting our time investigating stuff? Like maybe an investigation into why Congress has the lowest approval rating ever. Lower than dog crap.

Oops….here comes an investigation into dog crap.

Yeah, but it’s only temporary…..

So what’s the solution to all this congressional investigation upon investigation upon investigation stuff? How do we fix congress?

Ok boys…..remember, stand downwind…..

Hmmm. Might actually work. BUT……then some congressman from California is gonna want to conduct an investigation into why the prune industry was slighted when it came to the selection of Ex Lax instead of prunes. (California has a lot of prunes) Which, a lot of California congressmen, or women resemble.

BUT WAIT! Does thouist smell yet another investigation on the ol horizon?

Headline: 5/10/13 –  WASHINGTON (AP) — “The Internal Revenue Service apologized Friday for what it acknowledged was “inappropriate” targeting of conservative political groups during the 2012 election to see if they were violating their tax-exempt status.

IRS agents singled out dozens of organizations for additional reviews because they included the words “tea party” or “patriot” in their exemption applications, said Lois Lerner, who heads the IRS division that oversees tax-exempt groups. In some cases, groups were asked for lists of donors, which violates IRS policy in most cases, she said.

The agency — led at the time by a Bush administration appointee — blamed low-level employees, saying no high-level officials were aware. But that wasn’t good enough for Republicans in Congress, who are conducting several investigations and asked for more.”

YES! YES! Another investigation. Which, will most likely investigate why the IRS investigated those conservative groups, which will no doubt, lead to investigating Obama and Hillary Clinton, who, as we all know, by all of these investigations, are totally responsible for whatever happens on the face of the planet.

Except anything good that happens.

Might wanna investigate if those two had anything to do with the JFK assassination while we’re investigating things.

WAIT!  Damn…..I forgot……THAT investigation, (JFK-Warren Report) NOBODY really wanted to investigate because investigating all of that investigative stuff might actually reveal the truth…..and……we sure as hell DO NOT want anything truthful to come out of that or any congressional investigation……unless……

It suits our party’s agenda……which is getting re-elected………………………

Um….shouldn’t SOMEBODY….ANYBODY….be investigating THAT?

Just sayin.’

DONATE: The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link:https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=9TS7AALLG95KG

Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net

For many of us, now perhaps grown ups, and still some without actual brains, it’s a wonder we survived childhood without being murdered or at the least severely flogged.

Now on this day I’d obviously thank my own mother for raising me knowing full well that I’d spend most of my entire life being a worthless radio disc jockey and not really amounting to anything. But, I actually did not have a mother.

This was evidenced by her obituary a few years ago which listed her two grandchildren, a few great-grandchildren, but no actual son. Which led me to belive that I was either an alien she discovered on her back doorstep one dark evening or, that my real name is Clark Kent and she didn’t want anyone to know she was Superman’s mother.

The real truth to this is that I am actually Superman.

You’re not buying that are you? Rats.

Ok…..the real truth to this is that we had a major falling out many eons ago due to a divorce, (mine) and she had to choose between accepting the fact that I moved to outer Mongolia while my ex, who got custody of my two kids, remained close at hand.

Now any level-headed guy who has gone through a divorce will tell you that absolutely no brainwashing of their kids by their ex’s ever occurs.

Nothing of the sort. Like, “Your father is a low down no good drunk who rapes dogs.” Or, “Your father never paid any child support, the dirty bastard, and therefore I had to trade in my BMW for a freakin’ Volkswagen.” Or, “Your father was a womanizer and wouldn’t settle down like normal men, unlike myself. Just ask your five stepfathers.” And of course my favorite, “If he cared at all about you kids he wouldn’t have divorced me. Murder me maybe, but at least he would have been a good father.”

But not quite……

In all fairness to my ex’s…um…..er……well, um, they ARE actual mothers so I HAVE to give them some sort of credit on Mother’s Day.

Thanks for raising my two kids (first wife) and thanks for raising your three kids, (2nd wife-stepchildren) and thanks for holding onto that, “he’s a low down no goodnik rotten slime ball slug of the earth.” (image drilled into their little heads for the past gazillion years.)

Now I’m in no way implying that all ex wives, and mothers are anything like what I just wrote about. Only 90 %. It’s the American Mother way. Or….the American ex-wife mother way. 12th Commandment….”Hate and despise thy ex.”

(God included that 12th commandment after Moses and his wife fought a lot because Moses was always out climbing mounts and never at home doing chores, which ticked off Mrs. Moses, so God figured he’d better include that new commandment jusssssst in case)

Of course I did have a substitute mother. It was my grandmother who took possession of me at 9 days old because my mother, if I had actually had one, was too busy doing other stuff to be bothered raising me. Which, was really a smart move on her part considering, as I said earlier, I would eventually amount to nothing but a worthless disc jockey and eventually a (sigh) worthless blogger. Geez…..even “I” would have dumped me off on someone else.

Maybe Clark Kent’s parents. Cripes, they were into adopting strange kids.

“Martha, are ya sure we did the right thing adopting this kid after we found him in that field?”

“Jonathan, sure we did. Just think of the money we’re saving visiting all our other relatives.”

“Oh, ya mean the airline fees. Yeah, I guess yer right. Little Clark can fly us anywhere can’t he.”

“Yes, and there’s no having to go through those damn airline body scanner checks.”

So in essence my grandmother was my mother. And I pay tribute to her today for all the years she raised me knowing full well that I would, (again) become a worthless radio disc jockey and useless Internet blogger.

But ya know, it’s not a case of who actually gave birth to you in the end. It’s who selfishly took on the responsibility of raising you if your own mother did not. This goes for step parents as well. In this case, step mothers. Who, for the most part, do not get the credit they so well deserve. Including Clark Kent’s mother. Who could never go on a talk show and boast about her son being Superman.

But…perhaps the free air rides to visit relatives might have been enough for Mrs.Kent. And for his dad, Superman’s ability to go to the mall, sit on a bench, and use his ex ray vision to ogle women while Mrs. Kent was shopping thereby making it a really great day out for Mr.Kent.

Oops….sorry dad….

Happy Mother’s Day you mothers.

And I say that with love and affection.

DONATE: The MisfitWisdom PayPay donate link:

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=Q3TZZUA2BY5SU

DONATE: The MisfitWisdom PayPay donate link:

Copyright 2013 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net