You’re Gonna Drop Dead WHAT On My Freakin’ House?

Obviously there’s a lot of concern lately about drones. NOT the government drones, but the ones that Amazon is thinking about using to deliver packages.

“Look Out Martha…it’s one of dem Amazon drones deliverin’ our new fridge. MARTHA!  MARTHA! Damn! Squished her like an ant.”

Its

It’s ok pal, I work for Amazon

Me….hell, I’m not too concerned about those drones. If it means getting my packages delivered faster and perhaps attaching a few rolls of unravelling toilet paper to that drone after it heads back to Amazon, just for laughs, hell, I’m all for it.

BUT….if YOU wanna get all freaked out about drones, go ahead. But the people who really should be freaked out about drones, are the residents of Guam., (I do have blog readers in Guam….2) is that the United States Air Force is gonna be dropping 2,000 dead mice on top of them.

YES! 2,000 dead mice.

m

You ain’t takin’ me alive…do ya hear me copper!

Now before you go into a state of panic, Amazon has nothing to do with some idiot in Guam ordering 2,000 dead mice for his pet boa constrictor. Nope, it has to do with our own Agriculture Department’s attempt to poison brown tree snakes, which I assume is a problem in Guam.

According to Dan Vice, the Agriculture Departments’ assistant supervisory wildlife biologist for Guam, the mice will be equipped with tiny little parachutes, loaded on to an Air Force helicopter, and then told to jump out.

Um, actually the mice will be dead, so they have to be pushed out. Which is a good thing for the mice considering if they were still alive after parachuting from a gazillion feet they’d only get eaten by those poison brown tree snakes. Kinda like a lose lose situation if ya ask me. At least for the mice.

m

Mice, finally realizing they are on a suicide mission, have their last smoke

Now why are they doing this you ask? Well obviously so that those snakes can feast on the dead mice. BUT…..unbeknownst to the snakes, the mice, prior to the being pushed outta that helicopter, were pumped full of acetaminophen, the active ingredient in Tylenol.

I know what you’re all thinking. “Hey so what if they gave those mice acetaminophen, I take it all the time and ain’t nothin’ happenin’ to me!”

Ah yes, but to that brown snake, it’s not a good thing. Because apparently the acetaminophen is very toxic to them, and if they eat the mice, which the government is sure that they will, because mice are soooo tasty, the snakes will croak.

m

#!%#@! now ya tell me!

So why knock off these snakes anyhow you ask again? Geez….stop with all the questions for cripes sake. I was gonna get to that part.

It seems that those snakes, which are invasive to the area, cause harm to exotic native birds as well as the island’s power grid. Mainly because these snakes like to eat exotic food, (birds) and perhaps after eating those birds, relax in wherever it is snakes relax, turn on the tube, and watch Animal Planet thereby draining the island of much-needed power. My guess anyhow.

So, the Air Force has low flying helicopters which will drop the 2,000 dead mice where they think the snakes are hanging out. Each mouse will have a tiny parachute made out of tissue paper and cardboard. I’m assuming that because the mice are already dead, they will not have to employ the rip cord for the tiny chute to open.

m

Mice, apparently overdosed on acetaminophen, shortly before takeoff

As Mr. Vice says, “The cardboard is heavier than the tissue paper and opens up in an inverted horseshoe. It then floats down and ultimately hangs up in the forest canopy. Once it’s hung in the forest canopy, snakes have an opportunity consume the bait.” (mice)

Is it me or are you wondering how ironic it is that mice are being used in this plan and the guy in charge of all this is named “Vice.” You know, “mice” “vice,”…….um, neverrrr mind.

Mike Krumboltz, from Yahoo News, had a question about all this that I was thinking of myself. Which is, “How will workers know if the plan is working?”

Good question Mikey. Like he says, “It’s not like the mice can radio back to base.”

“Hey mouse central, yeah, it’s me, Mickey, I just got my butt eaten by some big bad ass brown snake and I’m sending you this text message before he swallows my head and…………”

f

Harry….I think we’re screwed

But, actually the mice can let the workers know if their plan worked. How? Well, besides being pumped full of acetaminophen, donning little tiny camouflage fatigues, and putting on their parachutes, they also will have tiny data-transmitting radio devices that will send information back to the workers.

Like maybe the agonizing sounds of the mice being swallowed by snakes, or, snakes gasping for breath after they’ve eaten the mice and finally realizing they’ve been poisoned. That is if a snake actually can make an agonizing noise other than hissing.

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Some mice, aware of the diabolical Air Force plan, did manage to escape

Now as much as I can somewhat understand the reasoning behind this dropping mice from helicopters plan, I’m wondering if the people in Guam have any freakin’ idea that 2,000 dead mice are gonna be landing soon.

I mean, look, if you’re like me, how much attention are you gonna pay to some small story about mice that might appear on page 15 of some Guam newspaper.

Soooo, you’re out for an afternoon walk in the woods, look up in the sky, and see 2,000 parachutes in the sky. Now from ground level do ya think those 2,000 parachutes are gonna look like mice are attached to them? So what happens?

Yes….PANIC!  INVASION! TERRORISTS!  RUN!  RUN! OMFG!!!!

Yep, that’s what I’d be thinking folks.

b

How the Air Force managed to capture 2,000 mice for this project

So I certainly hope the U.S. Air Force had enough brains to alert the residents of Guam that 2,000 dead mice are going to be dropped from a helicopter right on top of them.

If not, how much ya wanna bet the obituary rate for some elderly Guam residents out for a leisurely stroll in the woods is gonna skyrocket shortly after those mice are dropped.

Just sayin.’

(NOTE) As of this blog post the 2,000 dead mice had already been dropped over Guam. However, not being able to access the obituary section of newspapers from Guam, I was unable to determine if the elderly population suffered any casualties.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "A Grimm Look At Fairy Tales, For Adults Only" and "the Job" (Amazon.Kindle) and "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble. Retired from broadcasting in 1988 and floated around aimlessly in various no brainer jobs such as a traffic clerk for a TV station, dispatcher for AAA, a cab driver in a tourist town, a phone company line assigner, and finally a chauffeur for a resort casino. After all of those various experiences I felt it was time to retire and devote my otherwise useless time to writing this blog. I could write serious commentary, but who the hell would take me seriously? So I decided not to be serious and write a daily blog on a humorous level. However, I do find myself getting somewhat frustrated at today's world of political stupidity and the people that tend to believe everything that is fed to them by the mainstream media. So, with that in mind I write on a daily basis what I see as newsworthy but funny....at least from my demented viewpoint. Please feel free to comment on my daily blog regardless of your opinion both pro or con. If it's con, I will have to track you down and severely pound the hell out of you. (only kidding) Appreciate any help from my blog readers in forwarding my daily rants to your friends, neighbors, or enemies. Hey, I'll take whatever it takes to get more followers. You can also vote for this blog at weblogawardscom. Richard Vittorioso aka MisfitWisdom receive no compensation for these blogs. However, any donations for creative effort are appreciated through PayPal. Thanks everyone.
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2 Responses to You’re Gonna Drop Dead WHAT On My Freakin’ House?

  1. katydidknot says:

    Presumably, none of the OTHER species on the island will eat the mice? Like the birds they’re trying to save?

    I dunno. This reminds me of that old lady who lived next door to me. She had this fly in her stomach, and somewhere along the line decided to swallow a spider to catch it. It only got worse from there…

    • leilani parker & Richard Vittorioso says:

      I guess that falls into the oh what an evil web we weave

      Click here for my daily blog.http://misfit120.wordpress.com

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