Misfit In Playboy….Kinda: AND…..Sex With Robots

Before I get into sex with robots, and this has nothing to do with Dorothy and the Tin Man, I think, just a short mention about my big splash in this month’s “Playboy Magazine.”

Sorry, I’m NOT naked or surrounded by naked women, (damn) but I did manage to get published in a letter to Playboy.

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The rabbit is in the clouds

My letter was in response to an interview Playboy did with talk show mouth Sean Hannity and a comment that he made about responsibility when it comes to employees doing wrong. Basically, that the man at the top of any company should not be held responsible for the actions of any of his employees.

I took issue with that considering Hannity, in the past, has blamed President Obama for EVERYTHING that happens in the government. If you have the issue, check out my response. I’m the guy from Connecticut.

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Now to the sex with robots thing. Also credited to being in Playboy this month.

According to a survey by the “Huffington Post/YouGov” and listed in Playboy’s  “raw data” section, under, “Robot Love” here’s a breakdown of how people feel about robots……and interestingly, sex with robots.

Anybody got a can of WD-40?

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WD-40….for those unexpected intimate moments

18% of the respondents believe that humans will be able to have sex with robots by 2030. Which is no surprise if you consider that any man who has been married to the same woman for more than 20 years will tell you that having sex with her is already like having sex with a freakin’ robot.

9% said that they would have sex with a robot. These are obviously electronic nerds who own every conceivable gizmo on the face of the earth, have no relationship with an actual woman to speak of, have cute names for all of their electronic gear, and their pets are even robots.

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Good news for the Energizer Bunny

(NOTE) NEVER ask to borrow any nerds electronic gear without having a wipey handy.

Here’s the most intriguing part. 42% of the respondents said that they believe having sex with a robot constitutes cheating on one’s spouse. Which could actually mean that if you’re presently having sex with an actual robot, then it could be considered cheating.

However, if you’re married to an actual woman, and when it comes to sex she performs like an actual robot, there’s a thin line there with regard to cheating on her. Same as if you get caught with one of those blow up dolls.

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It was shortly thereafter Ralph bought his first indestructible robot

Now I personally think that eventually this will become a normal everyday occurrence. The having sex with robot thing.

WHY? Because presently there are a gazillion giant inflatable dolls out there that guys are already having sex with. The difference being that these dolls do not, for the most part, respond to your advances. They just lie there. Kinda like your spouse, that you’ve been married to for a long time, which I mentioned earlier. Or, some have attitudes, which actually some men like, (it’s the challenge) such as the Ann Coulter doll which has since been recalled. (lack of sales)

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Men could not get “into” the Ann Coulter doll………..literally.

BUT….. the giant inflatable dolls NEVER have a headache. AND….are always willing. With the exception of the Ann Coulter doll.

So what’s the difference between those giant inflatable dolls and a robot?

I thought you’d never ask. For one thing, robots can be programmed to respond to your every needs. So just think of the possibilities. Like every conceivable response you’ve ever wanted your sexual partner to say, and they haven’t, can now be programmed into a robot’s memory bank and used during those intimate moments.

“Ohhhhh Harry, you are such a stud. I love it when you stroke my electrodes.”

Or…”Oh My Gawd!  Oh My Gawd! Oh My Gawd.” Which can be programmed to continually repeat as you do whatever your perverted mind considers doing with a robot.

Wanna get your robot drunk. 10w 40 motor oil, (Quaker State is the best) will do the trick.

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Still in the works…………a few minor glitches

Now the only problem, or problems I see with having sex with a robot are kinda minor. But worth mentioning.

STR’s. (Sexually Transmitted Rusts) Obviously you have to perform maintenance on your robot lest you come down with a severe case of rustoria.

If robots are also programmed to take matters into their own hands, so to speak, when they’re lonely, just like actual men, that may be a problem as well.

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When robots get caught masturbating

Foreplay. Yes, all men love foreplay, and fiveplay and even sixplay. The number of plays are infinite. So I would think you could program your robot to do the number of foreplays that one desires. The one drawback that I foresee, is if you inadvertently forget to perform maintenance on your robot and one of its hands, or claws, becomes locked at the exact moment it is foreplaying you. Could be kinda painful.

Always remember to oil your robot. AND…in case of loss of battery power, have a backup generator handy in your bedroom.

So all in all I do not foresee a lot of problems with having sex with a robot. In fact, this could be a great boom for the robot and inflatable doll business. Just beware of those discount deals on inflatable dolls via the Internet or in some surplus stores.

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EXACTLY what I’m talkin’ about

Presently those giant inflatable dolls are not able to communicate with you, they just lie there. Kinda like your spouse, which I mentioned earlier. BUT….with a little tweaking by the manufacturers they could talk to you as well as do whatever it is you want them to do, you damn perverts.

Good news for men. Bad news for women. Unless women, the kinky ones, mange to get their hands on male robots. Then, sex as we now know it will eventually be in the hands of Microsoft, Hewlett-Packard and Intel. Who most likely will make robot condoms a standard piece of equipment on their computerized robots.

So the ol, woman “I have a headache” line will become obsolete.

FREE!  FREE AT LAST!!!!

While men will be able to enjoy constant sex with their robots.Unless they get a defective one. As was the case in a recent recall of inflatable dolls.

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The “Lolita 6000″ which was recently recalled by the manufacturer

Coming tomorrow. Will marriage between a robot and a man be the next hot potato subject from the Catholic Church, Congress, and Pat Robertson?

Or, will it simply be, “don’t ask, don’t tell.”

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, and "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.
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