Rumors all over the Internet abound, as abounding goes, that either the “AFLAC” duck is sick or its Ben AFLAC. Or is it Ben Afflack. Um…..maybe I’m mistaken here….hold on a sec.
Ohhhhh. Sorry folks. Ben’s name is spelled Affleck. Hey…..easy mistake…geez.
I shoulda’ guessed right off the ol bat. Ben looks nothing like a duck. Although….as evidenced in the movie “Pearl Harbor,” he CAN swim underwater.
But, Affleck aside, it IS the AFLAC duck that seems to be under the weather. Thank Gawd Obamacare is now the law of the land. Otherwise he might not have coverage to pay all of those duck medical bills. If an injured “bill” is one of his injured parts. You know how those quacks in hospitals are when ya walk in with an injured bill.
“Take two quackers and call me in the morning.”
But, not to worry folks. Obviously the AFLAC duck is covered by none other than….YES….AFLAC!
Being a smart duck he might also have a supplementary policy with AARP. Don’t wanna get caught without extra coverage if you happen to be going up the river without a paddle. An old duck saying.
In case you missed the news conference broadcast by all major networks on the AFLAC ducks’ injury and condition, here is the video below:
So, being the compassionate person that I am, and a huge supporter of ducks, I felt it was my duty to call the head duck office of AFLAC and find out the condition of the AFLAC duck and his specific ailment.
I spoke to John Sullivan at AFLAC’s Media Relations Department located in Columbus, Georgia, which obviously handles questions about any relations ducks have with other ducks, and asked him some burning questions. Fortunately Mr. Sullivan was very cooperative and was not in a “fowl” mood.
(Misfit) “It’s been reported that the AFLAC duck has been injured and is presently recuperating. Can you explain the nature of his injuries?”"
(Sullivan) “All I can say is that the duck sustained injuries to his beak and wing and is recovering quite well.”
(Misfit) “Can you tell me exactly how he sustained these injuries?”
(Sullivan) “I’m not at liberty to discuss the actual accident other than to say that, once again, the injuries were to his beak and wing.”
I could sense at this point in our interview that apparently the “accident” might be under investigation by some CSI or other investigative department and that Mr. Sullivan might have been instructed to keep a closed beak on any details pertaining to the accident. When I pressured Mr. Sullivan for further information he cited the “HIPAA” law which states:
“The HIPAA law is a combination of regulations aimed at reducing waste, fraud and abuse in the health care industry. It is intended to simplify the industry as a whole. HIPAA ensures continued insurance coverage for American workers and their families as they change jobs. It also enacts strict security standards for the protection of personal health information. Besides offering federally mandated protection for personal information, the law is expected to significantly lower the number of fraudulent practices in the health industry as well as to improve data storage systems.”
Which basically meant that he could not reveal any personal health information regarding the duck’s condition. Kinda like a duck taking the 5th amendment if it were testifying before a congressional committee.
“Senator…..I refuse to answer any questions on the grounds, (usually where ducks hang out) that it may tend to incriminate me.”
So, I respectively accepted that ploy and went back to less controversial questions.
(Misfit) “I’m assuming that the duck is fully covered when it comes to his medical expenses.”
(Sullivan) “Yes, that’s correct. He is covered by an AFLAC duck policy so there will be no out-of-pocket costs for as long as he is incapacitated.”
(Misfit) “You mentioned that the duck was first introduced to the public as a spokesperson for AFLAC back in 2000. That would make him about 12 or 13 years old. So I’m assuming that he’s not married or in a serious relationship.”
(Sullivan) “Yes, that’s correct. He was introduced back in 2000 during the millenium celebration. He’s been quite popular since then and quite the celebrity.”
(Misfit) “Yeah, unlike Gilbert Gottfried who’s now………………..”
(Sullivan) “Um….don’t even go there.”
(Misfit) “Er….ok…sorry……Soooo, I see that the duck has been receiving many cards and letters wishing him a speedy recovery. How many has he received so far?”
(Sullivan) “As of January 11th the AFLAC duck has received over 11,000 cards. I might add that anyone wishing to send him a get well card can do so by going to “getwellduck.com” and just following the instructions provided on that site.”
(Misfit) “I know you invoked that “HIPAA” law earlier in our conversation, but do ya think you could at least tell us if the duck is in a convalescent home or a hospital.”
(Sullivan) “I’m sorry. I’m not at liberty to disclose that information.”
(Misfit) “For security reasons?”
(Sullivan) “Possibly. As I’ve stated, the duck is quite popular and if I were to disclose where he was recuperating the media would be flocking there and what we do not need is a bunch of cameras and microphones all over the ducking place. All I can say is that he’s in good hands and……….”
(Misfit) “WAIT! “In Good Hands!” Isn’t that another insurance company’s slogan?”
(Sullivan) “Oh yeah, sorry…heh, heh. What I meant to say was that he’s in good feathers and receiving plenty of delicious quackers to munch on along with wing and speech therapy from some of the finest specialists who do not duck around when it comes to providing top-notch ducking care.”
(Misfit) “Well, thank you for your time, and I wish the AFLAC duck a speedy recovery.
(Sullivan) “My pleasure Mr. Misfit. I was running out of time anyhow. Gotta get the duck outta here…..places to go, things to do.”
So there ya have it folks. The lowdown on what’s happening with the AFLAC duck.
Remember. You can send your cards and letters to the duck by logging into “getwellduck.com” and wishing him a speedy “ducking” recovery so that once again we can all hear those famous words………………..
(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link, which tends to drive many of my blog readers, “quackers,” is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) simply copy and paste the link into your browser to get to the PayPal site. I think what I need is my own duck, or some other kind of animal to promote my own site here. Hey….works for AFLAC. Hmmmm. Maybe a talking parrot or something that yells out, “D-O-N-A-T-E!!!” Wonder if Gilbert Gottfried would be interested in doing a voice over?
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