I’ve done my research and I know that there was some speculation as to if the Democrats would also have a mystery guest at their convention, similar to Clint Eastwood at the Republican convention. This week the Democratic convention is being held in Charlotte, North Carolina, which is named after, yep, the Democrat’s mystery guest.
MisfitWisdom, with an endless web of inside contacts, somewhat like the “World Wide Web,” only smaller, has obtained the complete speech that is to be given by Charlotte:
“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome one of North Carolina’s favorite celebrities, a true down to sty Democrat and huge Obama supporter, none other than…..”Wilber The Pig.”
(applause, oinks and a huge standing ovation)
“Snork….snork….thank yew, thank yew. Really, you’re all too kind. Thank yew thank yew. May the bacon be with you. Thank yew, thank yew.
It’s my pleasure to be here in the fine state of North Carolina and Charlotte, the home of many fine stys, and some of the best bacon in town, to present to you our guest speaker tonight. So, rather than hog up the entire stage, it’s my pleasure to introduce to you a fine lady with a lot of stories to spin………………..Charlotte!!!!”
“Thank you Wilber. I always said you were a terrific pig, and once again you’ve shown your true pink colors.
Ladies and gentlemen of the Democratic Party, I’m here this evening to offer my support to President Barack Obama along with my 158 children, 745 grandchildren, 1,543 great-grandchildren and all spiders across the world………wide…….web.
“The other day I spoke to a bunch of spiders who once lived in Massachusetts. I emphasize “once” because they no longer live there. Yes, they are homeless. Victims of a purge by the Romney household of all spiders. Thrown out into the cold when Mr. Romney employed the services of an extermination company. And he says he cares about the homeless.”
“Mr. Romney says that he can create jobs. What about the hundreds of spiders who were toiling day in and day out making webs at his home, catching flies and other bugs, and earning a decent living. Now they’re out of work and barely surviving on state spiderfare benefits. Where was his compassion then?”
“Many a night “Seamus,” the Romney dog, who you may recall suffered a traumatic ordeal strapped to the roof of the family car while it was doing 65 mph on the Massachusetts Turnpike, came to me with big tears in his eyes. Why? Because of the embarrassment of pooping his pants, if he actually had any pants, while terrified out of his tree from that episode. Where was Mr. Romney’s compassion then?”
“If Mr. Romney has no compassion for spiders and dogs, what’s next? Making a horse do a “Dressage” at the Olympics? A damn Dressage! Do you know what that is? It’s making a horse do a ballet! What’s next….making horses wear tu-tus and ballet slippers. Animals aren’t people too you know.”
“Mr. Romney wants to cut the size of government. His pal Paul Ryan wants to cut Medicare and Medicaid and institute a voucher program. Do you know why? Because they both know very well that most farmyard animals are low-income, have a very limited intelligence, and most of them never learned to read or write, other than myself of course, and would never know how to fill out a form to obtain a voucher. And, on top of that, who would accept a voucher from a pig, no offense Wilber, or a duck, donkey, chicken or any other animal from the farm? It’s hard enough now going to a vet if you’re an animal on a limited farmyard income. Especially the rats, who no one respects.”
“Years ago I worked in a factory in Massachusetts, had no health coverage, and thanks to Mitt Romney when he was governor and passed his health care plan, I was able to get that much-needed coverage. Now, he’s against the President’s health care plan which he wants to repeal, which means spiders such as myself across the country will have no health coverage. Ohhhhhhh what a wicked web we weave when we attempt to deceive.”
“Romney’s Vice Presidential mate, Paul Ryan blamed the President for not keeping a plant open in his home state of Wisconsin. We all know that the President wasn’t even in office when that plant closed. But does Ryan mention the number of spider webs Romney put out of business when he was head of Bain Capital?”
“My fellow delegates, and any spiders who may be in the audience under a chair or on a rafter or something, we need to reelect President Obama and let him continue working to restore the economy. Get spiders decent housing and jobs. Protect us, as he has, from terrorist spiders from other countries like Iranweb. Remember, he was the one who finally got Osama bin Spider.”
“In conclusion, four years is not enough time to complete the job he started when he became President. Remember that he saved the auto industry from failing and thereby gave homeless car spiders another chance. When you see a happy spider in your car, thank President Obama. When you see a spider making a web, doing a dirty job of catching bugs in your homes, thank President Obama for the programs that allowed that spider’s homeowners to obtain that home. When you think of spiders in Iraq who no longer have to worry about their webs being blown up because he ended the war there, thank President Obama. And finally, ask yourself this question………………
Are spiders better off today than they were four years ago?
Just ask any spider. The answer is yes. As any spider with a web full of abundant bugs will attest to.
Thank you and goodnight.”
(resounding standing ovation applause)
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