“Pssssst! Het buddy…..ya wanna good deal on some salt?”
“Salt? Why do I need a deal on salt?”
“OMG! Ya haven’t hoid..geez……it’s all over da news pal. Dem guys at Boston Market are takin’ all dere salt shakers offa da tables to protect people like youse from too much of dat sodamy, um ….sodaminium type stuff. Somethin’ like dat anyhow.”
“You mean sodium? Yer kidding! Boston Market is doing that! You mean that I can’t have any salt on my food if I eat there?”
“Well, um, kinda. Youse can still get salt for your food but ya hafta get up, walk across the restaurant to a table in a corner somewhere, and get salt. So if ya buy it from me you’ll save yourself the embarrassment of everyone known’ yer a salt junkie.”
“Um…..yeah, I guess you’re right. What have you got and how much is it gonna cost me?”
“I got dese tiny easy to conceal salt packets for just three bucks for a supply dat will last you through your entire meal, or, you can go flat-out and buy dis limited edition Paul Revere salt shaker dat will last you months.”
“How much is the shaker?”
“For you pal, just twenty bucks and I’ll throw in a can of trans fats.”
The moral to this little scenario performed by the MisfitWisdom cast of idiots is that there is no moral to this story. Only that it’s “immoral” that places such as “Boston Market” decides that they’re gonna take a step to help us manage our lives by making it a bit difficult to obtain salt while you’re sitting down to eat.
Yes folks, salt, which contains sodium, is baaaaaaaaaaad for all of us. Like 16 oz drinks Mayor Bloomberg in New York said was baaaaaaaaad for us. And trans fats in our food which Taco Bell said was baaaaaaaaaaaaaad for us. Which is why all of these self-appointed food police have stepped in to make us more healthy by either banning stuff or making it more difficult to obtain.
Because obviously us stoopid brain-dead “Gawd I’ll eat anything that tastes good” folks can’t and won’t do it on our own because all that salt, trans fat and 16 oz drink stuff tastes sooooooooooo good. Bad, bad, bad.
Thank Gawd there are food police out there deciding what we should and should not eat. Geez…I’d be putting salt on my french fries, scarfing down a Taco Bell Mexican pizza with all kinds of trans fats in it and washing it down with a huge 16 oz Coke or Pepsi. Hell, I might even go so far as to opt for a 2,000 calorie dessert from one of these places too.
What with the food police watching my butt when I eat, I can be rest assured that eating a 2,000 calorie dessert won’t harm me, otherwise they’d have banned it by now. But salt, trans fats and 16 oz drinks! They’ll kill ya.
Hmmmmm. Maybe I shouldn’t make such a big deal outta this. Might give the food police some ideas. Next thing ya know they’ll be staging raids on Dairy Queens, independent ice cream shops and bakeries. OMG!!!!
We’ll never be able to test Sealtest ice cream once the food police test it to find out if it’s bad for us from the test they conduct to determine if by testing the ice cream that the tests prove it’s……it’s…….it’s………..fattening! OMG!!!!!!
Next bakeries will take a hit. Yes bakeries! You know. The tempting smells you inhale when you walk by a bakery and unconsciously walk in and succumb to buying something you really didn’t want but can’t resist eating due to that tempting smell. Before ya know it, you’ve gained 30 pounds from a bakery addiction. And…it’s their fault.
Where the hell are ya now food police. Now that I weigh a gazillion pounds from inhaling several chocolate cream pies and a bunch of powdered jelly donuts. Where are ya?
I’ll tell ya where they are.
At home eating their salted french fries, Big Mac and 16 oz drink they just bought from McDonald’s and finishing it off with a banana split from Dairy Queen.
So how do THEY get away with eating all of this stuff and we can’t? By wearing their “food police” buttons and telling the servers at these places they’re conducting tests on food to see if it’s bad for the rest of us. A sinister ploy, but very effective. Which is why you always see an overweght food police person on the news on TV being interviewed by some skinny reporter telling him what’s good for us to eat and what’s not.
They’re all FAT from eating those baaaaaaaaaaad foods so that we won’t eat them. Food police….our unsung heroes.
I’m tearing up here…..sniff.
(ahem) ……. O beautiful for spacious fries,
For salt waves of grain,
For purple ice creams majesties
Above the fruited plain!
Gawd shed his grace on thee
And crown thy food, with ice cream from Hood
In a 16 oz giant smoothie.
Did I touch the cockles of your hearts? Whatever cockles are.
Oops…..better check. Cockles may be another thing on the list of the food police because they’re actually a mollusk which I think you can order at Boston Market, but without salt.
How, they touch your heart, as in the old saying, I haven’t a freakin’ clue.
They’re referring to getting a bad case of heartburn after eating them.
(DONATE) The loaded with sodium MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. You can see it if you put down that damn 16 oz drink for a second and take a look. If it’s not highlighted, (blue) simply copy and paste the link into your browser if you can do it without getting any Big Mac residue on your keyboard. For those of you who have already overdosed on trans fats, 16 oz drinks and salt and are too fat to reach your keyboard, use a “voice activated keyboard” app to make your donation. Thanks.
Donations since January 2009……( 1 )
Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV