Oh…WAIT! I got this story all wrong. Sorry. (damn, really gotta get a new set of bifocals)
When I came across a story that was headlined, “Alf Is Back,” I originally thought they were talking about 1936 Republican candidate for president Alf Landon. I was really excited, considering Alf Landon has been dead for many years and I thought he may have been cloned, and because many in the GOP weren’t too happy with Romney as their nominee. I figured they talked the cloned Alf II into going to the convention in Tampa and challenging Mitt.
Alas, it isn’t a cloned Alf Landon. (sigh) Which is probably just as well, considering Alf, (the original one and not the clone) lost by a landslide to Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1936.
Alf was an alien from the planet Melmac, not to be confused with the dishware from the same planet, who crashed landed on earth on the front lawn of a family called the Tanners. Unable to repair his spaceship, as many aliens who crash-land on earth have a problem doing, he resigned himself to the fact that he’s stuck here and rented a room from the Tanner family.
As it turned out, the Tanners had some regrets, as Alf not only had a desire for cats, as a main course, but also told a lot of really lame jokes. Nothing worse than a lame alien joke. Like this one:
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it.
“Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.”
The gas pumps of course, didn’t respond. The alien repeated the greeting. Again there was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pumps haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, “Greetings earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I’ll fire!”
The other alien shouted to his comrade, “No, you don’t want to make him mad!” But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired.
There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap rather abruptly. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, “What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?”
The other alien answered, “If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my travels through the galaxy, when a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, you don’t mess with him.”
Actually Alf never told that one on TV, (censors) but I bet if he could have, the show might have lasted more than four seasons. (1986-1990)
So, to get back to the original story, Sony Pictures Animation is going to produce a new Alf movie……. cats, lame jokes and all. Which obviously is great news for Alf, Alf Landon fans, and the company that makes Melmac dinnerware. Might even be a boost for Dionne Warwick. She had a big hit with the song, “Alfie,” which was not about aliens, but, what the hell, she could always recut it using an alien theme. Maybe throw some kittys into the MTV video as well considering Alf likes to eat cats. Yum.
So folks, be on the lookout for the new “Alf” movie coming to a theater near you…..um…..well……I really have no clue as to when. Wasn’t mentioned in the article. Most likely because Sony Pictures may be filming Alf at “Area 51,” and you know how secretive that place is.
In fact, I’ll bet ya those government people at Area 51 have the late Ray Walston, (“My Favorite Martian”) cloned and on ice just in case this new Alf alien movie really is big hit.
Then the next thing ya know we’re gonna be flooded with alien movies.
MORK! MORK!! Where are ya when we need ya?
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