Gosh, there were so many loose cannons floating around this past week that I had to decide which ones were really nut cases and which ones were simply acorns gone astray.
Soooo, lets start with my favorite off the wall zaniac, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. He’s always good for blowing his cool every now and then. Cripes, I’d hate to be trapped in a traffic jam with this guy. He recently got into a shouting match at the Seaside Heights boardwalk when some guy used profanity in front of his children.
Apparently the guy got into a heated exchange, which means that it was either very hot on the boardwalk, or, they each exchanged body heat because they were so close to one another. Anybodys guess.
The “heated” exchange came after the guy began to criticize the Governor’s education policies. (I think the Governor does not like to be criticized) I, personally, considering the Governor outweighs me by 200 some odd pounds, would not even attempt to ask him the time of day. Ya never know what he might do.
“Hey, buy a damn freakin’ ^%#@!! watch you a**wipe!”
So the Governor’s response to the guy was, “You’re a real big shot….keep shouting your mouth off.” And again, for good measure, “You’re a real big shot. Keep walking away. Big Shot.”
Me thinkith that actually the Governor was really into Billy Joel music and seized upon the opportunity to do his rendition of Joel’s song, “Big Shot.” My guess anyhow.
Moving now to the perv of the week award. No, this time it’s not Antny Weiner or Pee Wee Herman, but 72 year-old Fred Willard best known for his dog show announcer work in “Best In Show.”
Los Angeles police Sgt. Mark Ro, (obviously a stage name) says that uniformed officers were conducting a routine investigation of a Hollywood adult movie theater around 9pm and say Willard was engaging in a lewd act. Officers said that he appeared to be alone. Which leads one to speculate exactly what kind of “lewd” act Willard was actually lewding. (I made that last word up)
Considering there was no mention as to what exactly the lewd act was and the fact that Willard was in a darkened movie theater, and, there was no mention of what the movie was that he was watching, one can only imagine what was going on. Personally, I’d bet my money on Willard pulling a Pee Wee Herman……and pulling on something. Just a guess folks.
Geez….I certainly hope he wasn’t watching a cartoon or something like that new movie with that little redheaded girl, “Brave.” Sometimes when you’re as old as Willard it’s kinda hard to distinguish a redheaded cartoon babe from the real thing.
Willard is not alone in the “lewd” or “lewdness” charges. As I mentioned, Pee Wee Herman, (Paul Reubens) was charged back in 1991 for masturbating in a Sarasota, Florida adult movie theater. (don’t they have “Please, No Masturbating” signs in these theaters?)
Then there was actor Hugh Grant who was charged in 1995 for, yes you guessed it, “lewd” conduct with a prostitute. Um, can you actually be charged with “lewd conduct” with a prostitute? I mean, it’s not like she’s not into lewd stuff and has no idea that lewd stuff was not gonna happen.
Singer George Michael, (he has two first names just to confuse police) was charged with indecent exposure in 1988, which is exposing yourself indecenctly, in deference to actually exposing yourself in a decent manner.
Actor Eddie Murphy was not actually doing anything lewd when he was stopped by police, who have absolutely no sense of humor, back in 1997 for riding in his car with a transsexual type person who had an outstanding warrant out on her…or him…or whatever. (I really don’t wanna know how they, (the police) were able to tell the difference)
Lastly, actor Jeffery Jones who you may recall played the principal in the movie “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” took too many days off watching child pornography and police busted him for that. Not very good if he ever wants to play a school principal again.
Just waaaaay too much lewd stuff going around these days…..in movie theaters. Which is the main reason I never go to a movie theater if I’m in the mood to be lewd. Um….can they bust you if you’re lewd in your own home? Hmmmm…..have to check that one out.
“When I saw the word, “ROOM” enlarged in the comic strip it reminded me of one of my recent trips to my local grocery store that has those self checkout aisles. As you can see in the comic strip by Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman, the word “room” is in big letters to indicate that the character is yelling out that word.
Soooo, on a recent trip to my local grocery store I went thru the self checkout aisle, began to place my items on the belt, and as usual a voice always tells you what the item is. No problem. But I had to laugh when I put a banana on the shelf next to the belt and the voice said, “Please place your “BANANA” on the belt! Banana was spoken much much louder than the rest of the words. Which led me to think.
Suppose I had bought items that I sheepishly didn’t want anyone else to know that I bought, which is why I choose to go through the self checkout line sometimes. Like say condoms. Would that voice then yell out, “Place your “CONDOMS” on the belt!” Or any other product like suppositories, or laxatives. Geez, suppose I had placed all those articles on the belt at the same time and the voice yelled out, “Place your “CONDOMS,” “SUPPOSITORIES” and “LAXATIVES” on the belt….please!!!!”
I can see it now.
“Oh Hi Mr. Misfit…..sooooo, you and the other half planning another one of your exciting weekend adventures?”
You know how those store checkout clerks are…..they don’t miss squat.
Now….for banana lovers….because I mentioned bananas in today’s blog, “Junita Banana” by The Peels. Enjoy.
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