Yes, Massachusetts, who gave us Paul Revere and “Revere Ware,” the “Polaroid Camera,” so that all of us closet perverts could take naked photos without some developer ogling the prints in a photo shop, the very fist mandatory health care plan, which Mitt Romney says was ok then but not now. The state that still has its Interstate called, “The Massachusetts Turnpike” but, so far, I’ve never actually seen a device that resembles an actual “turnpike.” AND….the state that has on its license plates, “The Spirit of America,” (most likely because these people from Massachusetts see a lot of spirits considering the history of the state) has now come up with another idea which may replace their license plate motto.
“Massachusetts: “The Non Sticky Sticker State.”
Why you ask? I’ll tell ya why. Because some nutcase with nothing better to do decided that it was time to get his name in the news by suggesting this great idea. With a little help and nudging from store owners who are tired of sticking price stickers on everything they sell. It’s a damn waste of time and manpower……and sticky stuff.
YES! Why have stupid price stickers on items that a consumer would go to a store and buy? It’s stupid. Anybody knows that if you’re gonna go to a store and buy something, screw it, if ya want it and need it, you’re gonna buy it. So why do ya need a price sticker on it? Completely obsolete practice if ya ask me.
That’s why Democratic Governator Deval Patrick, (no relation to Robert Duvall) has approved a bill that removes a requirement that food-store owners place individual price stickers on each item for sale in their shops.
The Governator on Tuesday signed the law which will allow store owners to instead place price scanners throughout their stores. Thereby allowing customers to use these scanners to determine an item’s cost. Brilliant!
“Martha. How much do ya think this can of Friskies costs?”
“Um, I dunno Harvey. Why don’t you just find one of those scanner thingys and find out?”
“Yeah, ok….so where’s the nearest scanner anyhow?”
“I think I saw one in aisle 52 Harvey.”
“Hmmmm. Aisle 52. What aisle are we in now Martha?”
“Ailse 12 Harvey.”
“AISLE 12! AISLE 12!!! Holy cat poop Martha. That’s a freakin’ half a mile from us! Screw it. I ain’t walkin’ seven blocks just to find out the price of a can of Friskies! Let’s just feed them little SOB’s table scraps.”
Yes, I know. You’re thinking. “Geez, cut them some slack Misfit. I’m sure they’ll have scanners in each and every aisle.
Yep. Like the 64 cash registers at a Wal-Mart on a busy day with three cashiers on duty. How’s that workin’ out for ya? (to quote a famous Alaskan philosopher)
Store owners of course are completely elated at the thought of not having to place stickers on everything in their stores. ME….I’m not so elated.
Consumer advocates, (those people who watch out for us stupid naive shoppers) say scanners can be unreliable, forcing consumers (us) to play “guess the price” before heading to the checkout line. Which may also be a new reality show idea.
Sooooo. What to do? What to do?
Simple. You go to your store and just buy everything your little heart desires with no worry about what the prices are. Just stuff all that stuff into your shopping cart and be hell-bent about it.
Screw scanning stuff. Which obviously will take you much longer to shop. AND….if you’re a guy, you know how shopping with your spouse is such a wonderful experience. NOT!
(someone should do a survey just to see how many husbands have actually killed their spouses after being subjected to hours of shopping. Or, if shopping with one’s spouse can be compared to some sort of torture experienced by soldiers during World War II. OR, if given the option, which method of torture a guy would actually choose. Waterboarding, to me, seems like something I myself would opt for rather than shopping with my other half in the women’s department of a J.C. Penny store)
Continuing on with my suggestion: If you shop in Massachusetts. Load up that cart. Stack it to the high heavens. Disregard the prices. Zip through that store in record time. Knock them old seniors with canes and scooters outta the way. Crimp the hoses in their oxygen tanks just to get outta there quickly. THEN……
When you get to the register to cash out, watch the cashier ring up the stuff you’ve bought very closely. If something is too high and you don’t wanna pay that price, lob it outta your cart and pile it on the register. Who cares if your pile of stuff is three feet high. Screw em! If they don’t wanna put price stickers on products then that’s the price they’re gonna have to pay.
THEN….then the store has to hire people to restock all of that stuff you piled up. Which is gonna cost them even more than if they had simply put prices stickers on the items.
AND….if they have to hire more people to do that, it means the aisles are gonna be even more crowded with store employees re-sticking stuff that should have been sticked in the first place and now they have to re-stick stuff because you stuck it to them for not sticking stuff in the first place. A very sticky situation.
Ohhhh what a tangled web we weave when we first attempt to de-stick.
The only place I see this possibly being a good idea is at Logan airport in Massachusetts, and only if they have a grocery store at the airport.
Do your shopping at the airport grocery store, get your plane ticket, and as you go through the security scanner to board the plane, scan your grocery purchases at the same time. Is this a brilliant idea or what!
Might wanna go with my idea Governor.
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Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV