*First of all….those of you who may be reading this blog for the first time…..welcome fellow mushrooms, and FIY…… .”DILLIGARA” means in Misfit Wisdom lingo, “Do I Look Like I Give A Rat’s Ass.” If you’re not a rat….then you should.
CNBC, which, as we all know, is a television subsidy of NBC in disguise, but with the letter “C” added because they didn’t want us to know that it’s actually NBC in disguise. Why? Because CNBC stands for “Consumer News and Business Channel” which, usually, I assume, likes to report, consumer news and business, while regular run of the mill NBC gets to report all those other stories. You know, murders, rapes, John Edwards sex life, why Queen Elizabeth wears silly hats and 15 minutes of commercials shoved into a half hour of news reporting.
THAT, and the fact that NBC doesn’t really like to use the word “Nanny” when they’re attempting to report serious blood and guts news stories.
So what are “Nanny Laws?” First of all it’s not a new show to compete with “Harry’s Law.” These are laws enacted by either state or local governments because, like “nannies,” they are watching over us and make laws that will protect us from hurting ourselves. Because most, if not all of us, are mainly nincompoops and need to be protected.
From what? Well here’s a few things as compiled from those caring people at CNBC…..because they too care.
You’ve all heard by now that New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg wants to ban the sale of sodas and other sugary drinks over 16 ounces at his city’s food establishments because there are way too many fat people walking around the city of New York because they drink these huge soda drinks and he’s tired of sitting in the subway squished on a seat between two fat people.
So, he’s proposing banning the sale of those drinks lest he be on the subway on his way to work one morning sitting between two soda 16 ounce drink offenders and one of them sneezes and he gets squashed from the sneeze ripple effect. Not a pretty sight.
So, that would be considered a “Nanny Law.” But, New York isn’t the only city passing “Nanny Laws” which will ultimately save all of our lives so that we can all live enriched and healthy lives, live to be a ripe old age, and watch CNBC because we’ll be so freakin’ old from living long and enriched healthy lives thanks to “Nanny Laws” that we’ll all be in our 90′s, drooling all over ourselves and unable to distinguish between watching CNBC and the “Animal Planet” on television.
The city of Fort Lee, New Jersey has initiated a $85 fine for anyone walking and texting. The reason. They do not want pedestrians who are walking and texting to wander into the street and get leveled by an oncoming semi. The second reason: The city of Fort Lee already has too much road kill as it is.
King County, Washington will fine your butt $86 if you’re caught swimming, boating or floating on a “major river” without wearing a life jacket five feet from shore or in waters more than four feet deep. So, you either have to carry a measuring tape around with you if you’re planning to go in water without a life jacket, or, simply say you were “walking” in the water rather than floating, swimming or in a boat. A technicality but a good lawyer could get you off.
Kinda like a, “ah did not have sex with that woman” defense.
In Tennessee they have a law that says kids can be fined $250 for wearing saggy pants that expose your underwear or any body part in an “indecent manner.” This law does not apply to plumbers as most plumbers, as we all know, suffer from “butt crack low pants syndrome.” Comes with the job folks and is completely unavoidable.
In Minnetonka, Minnesota, (not where they make those tiny Tonka toys) it is considered a public nuisance and illegal for a truck or other vehicle whose wheels or tires deposit mud, dirt, sticky substances, or litter other material on any street or highway, to leave such said substances on a street or highway. The fine: $2,000. My advice for anyone with that stuff on their vehicle would be to obviously stay away from areas that contain dirt, mud, sticky substances and is overrun with either cat litter or litters of cats.
Maryland has enacted a set of guidelines to protect children from inappropriate physical contact. This includes any alien who attempts to abduct children, take them up into their spaceships, and implant micro chips into them. The bad thing about this law is that it extends to camp counselors in a situation where a child needs to have sunscreen applied to protect kids from the sun’s ultraviolet rays. So, parents have to give permission to camp counselors to apply it. Or, kids with no permission note can simply ask those aliens to apply it while they’re doing that micro chip implant thing.
Can’t fine or arrest an alien from outer space for inappropriate touching as outer space laws allow all aliens the luxury of diplomatic immunity if caught applying sun screen without a permission note.
In 2002, New York became the first state to ban indoor smoking in public places and then years later banned smoking in places such as beaches, parks and pedestrian malls as well as all other outdoor public places. Violators will pay a $50 fine if caught. Women who are “smoking hot” but are not actually smoking are exempted. Unless their drinking a 16 ounce soda and texting while they’re walking and trip over some pervert who was ogling them thereby causing such pervert to sustain an injury.
The last “Nanny Law” mentioned was a ban on McDonald’s Happy Meal toys in San Francisco which made a lot of kids “unhappy” and with no meals. The law states that McDonald’s cannot put toys in Happy Meals unless the food therein contains 600 calories or less and contains fruits and vegetables and that beverages do not have, “excessive fat or sugar.”
Currently McDonald’s, wanting to avoid making kids unhappy by not being able to enjoy a “Happy Meal,” are working on a plan to rename its product, “Sad and Totally Unhappy Meals” which actually contain no food but a coupon that kids can redeem if they have a camera, take compromising photos of the Burger King, King and Little Wendy, from Wendy’s, which they then can return to McDonald’s for a really neat toy without the Happy Meal.
(it’s all a ploy to smear those other fast food chains reputations)
So those are some of the “Nanny Laws” that authorities have enacted to save us all from getting fat, killing ourselves, and prevent all of us from barfing over the sight of a really big plumber’s butt crack.
The next Nanny Law………
Passing a law to stop stupid people from passing any more Nanny Laws.
(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below: If it is not highlighted, (blue) call a plumber immediately as the link may be clogged up from too much “Nanny Law” bulls**t. Once it has been snaked out, and you are totally recovered from “plumber butt crack syndrome,” wash your hands FIRST, before making any donation. Jusssssst in case you’re a plumber making a donation and you’ve had to pull up your pants a number of times.
Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV