My “Publishers Clearing House” Rant

Everytime around this year, or, sometimes it seems like it’s year round, I get constant e-mails and regular snail mail from those people at “Publishers Clearing House.”

YES! You too can be one of our lucky PCH winners! Just remember to submit your confirmation entry several gazillion times before it's too late.

“Richard, here’s your last chance to enter before you’re disqualified. Do you really want to lose out on winning the PCH gazillion million dollars. Enter NOW!”

OMG!! OMG!! I’d better verify my entry and take a chance. Ya never know.

So I go ahead and click “verify entry” and then several thousand pages of PCH offers pop up, all of which I have to either scan through or bypass.  Which I do, cause I’m no damn dummy. I know if I order something it will not increase my chances of winning.  That’s what THEY claim anyhow.

So, that done, I go on with my usual daily routine feeling confident that I’ve secured my PCH entry and that’s that.

The very next day yet another urgent message from PCH appears in my e-mail telling me to confirm my initials are R.V. (the message below from PCH)

I confirm my initials are RV, and I’m responding by the March 16th (11:59 PM, ET) deadline. I’m aware that contest regulations mandate someone with my set of initials will win $1OO.OO (Gwy. No. 2231)!

OMG!!! OMG!!! Someone with MY initials might be the winner!  Holy crap! Might be that guy Ricardo Vernsdork who runs the pizza place down the road. OMG!! Or, or, Rufus Vonkowski, that Polish guy who picks up my trash. OMG!! OMG!! Geez….it could even be another Richard…like little Richard Vergenberry, my newspaper carrier. OMG!! OMG!!  I’d better verify that MY initials are RV.

WAIT!  Suppose it “IS” one of those other people with the initials RV and I’m just wasting my time, I’m thinking to myself. Suppose PCH is just trying to get me to buy something and, because I usually don’t buy anything from them anyhow, they’re just trying to suck me into buying something and none of us with the initials RV stand a freakin’ snowballs chance in hell of winning.

So, just to cover my butt, I personally called all the people with RV in their initials in my immediate area, because PCH says someone in my area, with the initials RV might be a winner, just to see if they entered.

Besides the people who hung up on me and called me a damn pervert and I’d better not call again or they’d call the cops, there were only three other RV’s in my immediate area. And they said that they had no interest in entering the PCH sweepstakes, blocked their computers from receiving their PCH e-mails, forbidden the postal carrier from delivering PCH snail mail, and sent hate letters to PCH. So I was somewhat confident that my chances of winning increased.

Until I got yet another e-mail telling me that I had to confirm my other several confirmations that needed to confirm that I was confirming the fact that I wanted to be confirmed for entering the sweepstakes and if I didn’t confirm this confirmation along with the seven other confirmations I would be disqualified….unless I confirmed my confirmation which I obviously thought I had already confirmed…..several times…..which I personally confirmed.

Finally, after my last notice that I had to confirm that my initials were RV, I was quite confident that I stood a fairly good chance of winning. After all, I basically eliminated all of the other RV’s and PCH said to keep an eye open for the PCH sweepstakes van that would be in my neighborhood……which worried me further.

Suppose the PCH van is in my neighborhood and I’m not home?  Suppose the PCH van parks in front of my house, (very busy highway) and gets slammed in the rear by a semi, does that mean I’m disqualified if they all get crushed to smithereens? Would they then send another van?  Would I be liable for the injuries suffered by the people in the van?  Could they sue me?  And if they did, would my prize winnings cover the lawsuit settlement?  And if they won that settlement would I be required to actually purchase something from PCH as part of the settlement?

OMG!!   Was this all worth it?

Can ya tell I’m a bit paranoid?

Finally, after yet receiving another e-mail from PCH this morning asking me to verify my height, weight, age and the name of all of my cats and sexual preferences or I would be disqualified, I hit the delete button. Screw them….I’m not telling them anything about my cats.

Because the next thing ya know they’ll be sending me yet another confirmation letter telling me that unless I respond by March 16th, I’ll be disqualified….BUT….if I order from the offers they’ve included for anyone who owns cats, my confirmation will be validated.

HAH!  I’m not THAT stupid.  I didn’t fall off of the cat litter truck yesterday ya know.

It’s just a ploy to get me to buy something.  Well I ain’t fallin’ for it!

But…..I did work out a deal with my trash collector Rufus. I’m now entering his name on all of the PCH entries because he lives on a rural road, (no chance of a semi slamming into the PCH van) plus he collects all of those PCH snail mail envelopes from his daily trash pickups, scratches off the names and writes in his own, (more chances to win) and I agreed to help him with his trash pickups….as long as I don’t have to pick up any road kill.

We agreed to a 60/40 split of the prize winnings. He gets 60% because he does most of the work. I get 40% because I refuse to scrape up road kill.

Seems like a fair deal to me.

(DONATE) The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link is posted below. If it is not highlighted (blue) or if you can’t smell it, (garbage truck factor) simply copy and paste it into your browser and it will take you to the PayPal site. Those of you who throw out all PCH entries, please save them and forward them to Rufus’s Trash Service, c/o MisfitWisdom, Somewhere, Connecticut.

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=LMLW2XZU86N2E

Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV

HEADER: chickart@cox.net

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, and "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.
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30 Responses to My “Publishers Clearing House” Rant

  1. Jamie Watson says:

    Let me me win a 100.00 dollars jw

  2. I would love to win….

  3. joy Moore says:

    it would be a blessing if i win

  4. hope i’m the lucky one.

  5. gladys mozingo says:

    I confirm entry # 2231 and my initals GM

  6. mckently says:

    i would to win the super prize for my grandchildren.

  7. Engler coleman says:

    my name is Engler Coleman and im a winner in jesus name

  8. Jerwon Davis says:

    Me and my family just moved here,and things didn’t work out for us fian.,And we could really use this money,to start our new begining that we thought we were going to have when we moved here.

  9. lisa says:

    Want to enter all pch sweeps and giveaways

  10. Marlene says:

    Are you serious…? Who doesn’t want to win? Everybody and their grandma want to win . I guess it beats losing money I don’t have to play a lottery. I would definitely love to be the 5,000 a week for life winner & show the world how to give back.

  11. Is my initals for 100.00.

  12. my initials are r e r.hope to win the pch initials contest pch gwy no.2231. plus the $5,000.00every week for life, or the $5,000.00 every week forever.or the $1millionevery week for life.

  13. Katherine Adkison says:

    Thanks for my 100.00 prize !

  14. RG thats me Richard gaytan im 23

  15. laconda says:

    I hope that intials are mines

  16. fawnpemberton says:

    show me the money, Is my fp the winner

  17. ROBERT LOFGREN JR. has gwy#2231FOR $100.00;R.L. Initials FOR A CASH PRIZE!

  18. Shirley says:

    Yes my iniitials are SH and this ould really make my Dreams come true. Everyone Good Luck with PCH.

  19. kevin burnsed says:

    It is all about winning!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  20. Please let me i never win anything. thank u

  21. Luann Reniska says:

    If i would win by an odd reason i would do the following. First i would pay for my sons wedding because he is in the Navy, then help out others that really need help. My grandmother raised me to do this and i have always done this. Ya all take care & ride safe, Luann

  22. Shirley says:

    I claim my initials for S H to win gwy 2231

  23. Luann Reniska says:

    Looks like ya all need to go & look through my patches because i have a good many of them that will have ya l.o.l.r.o.t.f. What is really fun is the way i put them on my patch boards. Trust me i have fun if ya read them line after line. The only sewing machine i don’t own and i do want it is a very high tech patch making machine yet the one i’m looking at runs $65,000.00. It is a nice machine and comes with a scanner to scan the design, self changing threader and will do up to 16 colors at one time, as well as a self cutter. And i have a great many ideas that would make some killer patches. Ya all take care & please be safe, Luann

  24. Luann Reniska says:

    The first 2 things i promise to do for everyone in the U.S. are. I will send out a Free copy of my book to everyone in the U.S. because i’m also a nurse who grew up in a very large family of medical professionals ( over 12 of them ). I had to sit down and write this book because there is so much information that is not even talked about any more even in the medical field. And this should not be this way. You see i know what is going on with Obama Care and i’ll be 100 percent honest with you it is not good at all. Here is a good example because this happened to a friend of mine this weekend and i told her what to do on FB because she has medical insurance but what good is it to her when she has a $5,000.00 deductible !!! This is not a joke, so people please wake up and understand what is going on ! She broke her leg and she will still have to pay the bill but i told her about a little known Federal law that i know because my mother ran both hospitals & Nursing homes through the age of 72. But you see i know of 3 ways to get Free Medical Care and i know they all work!!! I also know of over 50 ways to get Free Medication as well !!! I not only list the websites, the phone numbers as well as some have addresses as well. Now i bet no one has ever told you about this information at all. But i am spilling the beans because i see and know what Obama Care is not ! This is also why all of the Elected Officials voted NOT to HAVE TO HAVE THIS!!! And on my FB account i even let my one elected official have it because they are all cowards ! And yes you all will see who all i emailed before the Health care bill was passed ! My FB account is the same nic as here so i’m easy to find.
    The second thing i promise i will do for everyone is i will pay to put in Safe Rooms everywhere & this i mean. I’m talking Hospitals, Nursing Homes, Schools to start with. Then every home, Apt. Complex, trailer Park as well as Rv Park will also get them as well. And the reasons why are easy. First off as a first responder we put our lives in danger every time there is bad weather & we have to transport people out of an area and to a safer place. But the thing that makes me so mad is that there is ONLY 1 HOSPITAL IN THE U.S. THAT HAS A SAFE ROOM UNDER IT & IT IS THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENTS HOSPITAL N.I.H. Why???? This is a slap in the face to all first responders because we loose more lives in bad weather than any other time of the year !!! In this day & age this should not be !! Good luck to everyone & please take care & be safe, Luann

  25. Luann Reniska says:

    Well good luck to everyone because we all can use it as the days wined down. And Please take care & be safe, Luann

  26. Shirley says:

    I am waiting and counting my Blessing to be the next PCh winner. Thank you PCh for all of the wonderful things you have done to help all of us. God Bless and have a wonderful day.

  27. Shirley says:

    my initials are SH for gwy no. 3080 on November 26th .

    Good Luck to all of the PCH Fan’s

    Shirley H

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