You know, there’s just waaaay too much information on the Internet. For instance, yesterday there was an article entitled, “7 Surprises For Dating After 50,” by Susan Crandell founding editor of “More Magazine.”
Now, as far as I’m concerned, if you haven’t been able to score a date by the time you’re 5o, for cripes sake, give it up. You’re either a freakin’ nerd or have absolutely no social skills or you’re just plain ugly. Get a damn cat or dog or something.
Anyhow, Susan lists 7 surprises about dating after you’re 50. Providing you’re actually alive after you’re 50 and not drooling and living in an assisted living facility. Then again, I’ve heard a lot of strange stories about what goes on in those places for seniors and if half of them are true, you do not need to read this article or follow Susan’s tips because you’re already getting it on.
So, what kind of tips does she give for those of you who are still on the prowl and haven’t found that special someone, or your dentures. Let’s take a look……with Susan’s numbered tips and MisfitWisdom’s input.
1. “People are nicer.” So, what that means is that most people who are younger are a bunch of no good dirty rotten slime balls and slimettes who just tend to brush you off. I guess that means that when you’re older, and the old clock is ticking, ya better latch on to someone right away before they start measuring you for that six-foot long box. So be nice to anyone who hits on you….might be you’re last chance to get it on.
2. “You See Old friends In New Ways.” This is like looking at an old friend differently than when that person was a young friend and the pickings were abundant. All of a sudden, after connecting with that old friend, they’re beginning to look really good. This may also be due to the fact that you might need a new set of glasses, or, as stated in tip number 1, your time is running out verrrry fast and you’d better cut to the chase and deep six the the small talk.
Something like, “Hey, how are ya, yep I’m fine too, got married, divorced, retired, living on Social Security, and ya wanna get it on babe.” Very simple.
3. “Sparks May Fly With Someone You Already Dated.” Obviously this means what it says. You may have dated someone when you were younger, dumped him or her, or just weren’t interested, and now, that you’re desperate and grasping at straws, what the hell, look up those old flames. They might be just as desperate as you. Worth a shot….Facebook helps, providing they post actual photos of themselves and it’s not from a wanted poster.
4. “You Can Feel Puppy Love All Over Again.” Ah yes, the old Paul Anka song, “Puppy Love,” brings back many memories of that. Susan says that you can act like a teenager once again….minus the acne….unless you still have acne, and in that case, better adopt a cat or a dog, which I referred to at the beginning of this blog. Animals will give you unconditional love and don’t give a rats ass about your acne. AND….it’s the purest form of “puppy love”…or cat love.
5. “We’re Comfortable With our Sexuality.” This refers to sexual hangups. Things that you were uncomfortable talking about when you were younger and now, that you’re way over the hill, don’t give a damn what anyone thinks because you’re running out of time and can’t afford to beat around the ol bush. So lay it on the line. Like, “Oh, one of my sexual hangups is that I like to wear women’s underwear, um, does that bother you?”
6. “Nobody Sweats The Small Stuff.” This one, according to Susan in about compromising. No, this has nothing to do with the size of body parts, although if you were big on big body parts, it’s time, at age 50 or so, to start compromising. HEY….you’re over 50 for gawd’s sake, loosen up a bit. Things shrink with age ya know.
7. “You Don’t Have To Change Each Other.” Unless both of you are in that assisted living facility and there isn’t a nurse around to help you change your depends. Now THAT’s true love. Actually, Susan meant that you shouldn’t have to change your identity when you meet someone just to please them. Unless you’re in the witness protection program that is.
Susan says in her article that, “we all know the, marry him now, remodel him later,” deal. Not so much now that you’re in your 50′s. Unless you have a lot of money for plastic surgery. (my thought)
“The biggest difference in marrying at midlife is having thought it out much better.” Which means that you don’t necessarily hook up with someone because they’re beautiful, have lots of money, a killer body, and lives in a mansion. Although that would be my first shot at hooking up with someone at my age. But, then again, I’m a bit sleazy.
Susan also adds that you should base your relationship on a recipe for long-term compatibility. Like will he or she buy the farm before you and how much is their term life insurance worth. Again….my thoughts.
Personally, dating after age 50 isn’t that hard if you follow Susan’s tips, and not necessarily mine. What the hell do I know about dating after 50? Although I DID meet my other half after I was 50. But it wasn’t using Susan’s 7 tips.
I met her in a place I was employed at using my social skills that I learned from many years of dating and two divorces.
Namely a lot of hang-dog begging and sobbing uncontrollably in her presence.
I have absolutely no shame.
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Copyright 2012 MisfitWisdom RLV