Hollywood’s biggest night of “hey look what I did and want a pat on the back for” was televised this past Sunday Night. The only reason I watched it was because there was nothing else worth watching on the boob tube, unless you count the boob explosion on the Academy Awards, because that’s how network executives planned it because they knew no one would be watching anything other than the Oscars, so why waste the otherwise vast wasteland of stupid shows and important commercials if no one is going to watch them.
For instance, some of your movie choices, besides the usual re runs, were, “The Terminator” which obviously none of us have seen before. “The 40-Year Old Virgin” which most likely tempted some of you to watch if only to see why somebody is still a virgin at 40. Pirates Of the Caribbean” just in case you wanted to visualize yourself in the Caribbean and forget about Winter, and “Zombieland,” which is about people surfing the TV listings looking for something other to watch than the Oscars.
If you were like me, you opted to watch the Oscars. The women watch to ogle over the male hulks and the guys watch to lust over the female displays of cleavage….which there was plenty of to go around. Enough so that you could actually cancel your trip to the Grand Canyon in search of some spectacular crevices. Without the echo effect.
So, that said, I did sit through the entire presentation, even the ones that named Oscars presented for such stuff as the award for the most creative use of lint in a motion picture and for the best sound being able to be heard during an action scene with your hearing aid turned off.
Everyone of course has their special Oscar moment, which the Internet covered extensively from a bleep word spoken by French actor Jean Dujardin, (The Artist) at which point he dropped the “F” word into his speech but most of us didn’t get it because…DUH….it was in French.
I’m sure most of us are still trying to figure out how Melissa McCarthy managed to hold both her legs half way up door jamb without falling on her butt. My guess is super glue.
But for me, the most sexiest moment of the Oscars, excluding Miss Piggy’s cleavage, was when Angelina Jolie came on stage and proceeded to show off some serious leg. This, in my opinion, trumped the boob factor. Not meaning that Donald Trump is a boob, but that Angelina’s leg moment stole the night from the cleavage moments. Depending of course what floats your boat. Boobs or legs. In my case I tend to float with every part of a woman’s body. Which is why I wore water wings watching the Oscars so as not to fall off the couch and injure myself.
My choice for the best cleavage/boob/OMG/drool moment was when Jennifer Lopez and Cameron Diaz came on stage to make a presentation. I couldn’t decide with one to focus my eyeball on. I said “eyeball” because I finally decided to focus one eyeball on Jennifer and the other on Cameron. Very hard typing this blog today……..I’m having a cross-eyed effect left over from watching those two.
Then there was an interesting moment when we all learned that the Oscars has a “seat filler.” I first thought a “seat filler” was something they put on your seat at the Oscars in case you’re very short. But, as it turns out, it’s a guy who fills an empty seat when someone who was sitting in that seat gets up to go on stage or something. Which causes much confusion when someone gets up to go to the restroom, comes back, and finds some old guy sitting in their seat.
Obviously I can’t go into all the moments at the Oscars that are worth writing about because, mainly, I don’t feel like it. Besides, by now, you’ve all read everything there is to read about the Oscars considering I’m writing about this a day later. I like things to sink into my brain first before I write about them. Or, you could just call me slow. Like the time I thought about inventing a new soft drink many years ago called, “6 UP’ and, because I took my time, someone beat me to the punch.
Finally, there was my, “OMG THAT’S HER” moment. I’m referring to seeing actress Rooney Mara, (The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo) no relation to Mickey Rooney. If you’ve seen the Dragon Tattoo movie you first of all realize that there are no live dragons in it and that Rooney, known as Lisbeth in the flick, does have tattoos, one of which IS a dragon, but is not a live one. So, if you were expecting to see her with tattoos and all kinds of piercings coming out of her nose, ears, eyebrows, fingernails, eyeballs and hair, you were shocked, as was I. She was normal looking. And very pretty. She obviously has a split personality.
I still have that scene with Lisbeth getting even with that guy who forced her to give him a BJ and then tied her up so that he could have sex with her imbedded into my brain. And then the following scene where she gets even by stripping him, tieing him up and inserting a biggggg part “A” into a smaller part “B” of the lower part of that pervert’s anatomy. “OUCH!”
( personally I think that Republicans liked that scene considering that “Transvaginal Invasive” procedure they’re debating in Virginia is in the news)
Geez…..and she looked so sweet on the Oscars too. Who woulda thought. One of writers who wrote that part must have had a colonoscopy prior to writing that scene, or thought as I do, which I mentioned in an earlier blog, that, if there’s a hole in your body, some doctor is going to have a big instrument to stick into it. And it’s not one you can play….like a tuba or something…but….just as big…..and cold.
So there ya have it. The MisfitWisdom brief look at the Oscars.
Which poses the final question of the night………………
Why is it the Oscar is a naked statue of a guy and he’s not wearing “Fruit of the Looms?”
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