Flash! Late breaking news. I just love using that word, “flash,” or “bulletin,” but bulletin sounds kinda urgent, so I’ll just go with “flash!” Here’s the news release that appeared all over the Internet yesterday:
- Enlarge PhotoFILE- This Thursday, June 30, 2011 file photo shows comedian Stephen Colbert.
NEW YORK (AP) — Comedy Central’s “Colbert Report” is off the air and it’s a mystery why.
An expected new episode of the show was replaced by a repeat on Wednesday. Comedy Central said Thursday’s live show will be off, too.
The network said it was airing the repeats “due to unforeseen circumstances,” but offered no other explanation. A person close to the show, who wasn’t authorized to speak publically on the matter, told The Associated Press that new episodes are expected to return soon.
A publicist for Colbert declined to comment.
Colbert’s popular “fake commentary” program airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30 p.m. ET, following “The Daily Show” with Jon Stewart.
OMG!!! OMG!!! What the hell is going on? Did he say something on his show like “F**K! Um, no that can’t be it…he says that all the time. Geez. Maybe he took the money from his super pac and blew town. After all, he did collect over a million dollars.
Maybe he’s sick or something. Or is REALLY gonna run for the Presidency. Maybe Comedy Central is just doing this as a publicity stunt so that all of us who watch Colbert will wonder what the heck is going on. Seems to be working don’t ya think.
Maybe he ran two shows at the same time and decided to take a day off….kinda like what I did yesterday when I accidentally posted two blogs because I was preoccupied and posted a second blog, which you get at no additional cost. So if I took the day off tomorrow, people would begin to wonder what the hell happened, and I’d be in the news.
Um….maybeeeee not…….only because I’m not on Comedy Central and only three people follow this blog.
Four, actually if ya count the censors at WordPress who watch me very closely just in case I go off the deep end and post something containing nudity or a bunch of dirty words without using the * sign.
So far the network is keeping quiet as to why Colbert is not doing his show. If you tune in to Comedy Central you’ll see that they are running re runs of The Colbert Report.
So, I decided to call Comedy Central just to see if they’d give me an answer.
“Comedy Central….how may I help you?”
“Hi, I’m calling to find out why Steven Colbert is off the air and you’re just showing re runs.”
“Sorry, I can’t help you but I’ll transfer you to someone who can help you.”
“Hello, this is Comedy Central, how may I help you?”
“Um, I was wondering if you could tell me why Steven Colbert is not live and they’re showing re runs.”
“Sorry, I can’t help you but I’ll transfer you to the department that can help you or you can leave a message.”
“Hello, you’ve reached the office of Brad Armstrong, please leave a message.”
Which I did, and which I expect to receive no answer from. Not that that’s unusual, because no one ever returns my phone calls anyhow. But, it was worth a shot.
One can only begin to imagine why Colbert is not live. I know Nancy Pelosi has launched a”Stop Colbert” campaign. (see video below)
Perhaps THIS is the reason Colbert is off the air. OMG! Colbert is being held hostage by Nancy Pelosi! OMG!! OMG!! OMG!!
Call in Seal Team 6…..the FBI….the CIA…..the Girl Scouts of America….anybody! The radicals have gone berserk. They’re holding Steven hostage. The end of the world as we know it is approaching. Where the hell is Harold Camping when ya need him? Harold! Harold!….where are ya?
The Mayans were right. This obviously is the first sign that the end is near. It’s written in…um….well, um…er….I’m sure that it’s written somewhere that when a comedian is pulled from a show on Comedy Central that will be the first sign of that the apocalypse is approaching. OMG!!
THAT’S what those inscriptions mean on those Mayan tablets……look closely, you can see the hieroglyphic of Comedy Central inscribed on the Mayan calendar along with a photo that closely resembles Steven Colbert. THE END IS NEAR!!!! THE END IS NEAR!!!
Either that or Steven’s got the flu and is home in bed.
If I were you, I wouldn’t panic right now. Wait until at least next week and if Steven isn’t back live by then……………
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P.S…My bet’s on a publicity stunt involving Nancy Pelosi’s video.
(UPDATE) According to news sources there are reports that Steven Colbert’s mother, (91) is ill and that he has taken time off to be with her.