Actually, it’s not just in America, but EVERYWHERE! And we’re not talkin’ about places like towns, cities and states….but EVERYWHERE!!!!
By EVERYWHERE, I mean places that we frequent in our daily lives that are crawling with low down slimy rotten no good low life scum of the earth germs that carry viruses and bacteria. They’re EVERYWHERE…..according to a research conducted by “Kimberly-Clark Professional,” which is a unit of personal hygiene of the “Kimberly-Clark Corporation.”
The research was conducted in some major cities. Atlanta, Chicago, Dallas, Los Angeles, Miami and Philadelphia. Obviously where most germs hang out due to the number of tourist attractions in those cities.
For those of you not too familiar with the products that Kimberly and her brother Clark manufacture, they include such products as, Depends, Kleenex, Scott towels, Viva, Huggies, Cottonelle and Kotex. Considering the various parts of the body these products come in to contact with its completely understandable that Kimberly-Clark would have a handle on where germs hang out. My guess.
So, where do germs and all that nasty bacteria hang out? Well, according to the scientists, (those strange-looking nerdy guys in white smocks you may have seen hanging around a toilet with a Q-Tip) they come from the following places. And these places are the worst, according to these guys.
Gas pumps have all sorts of germy type bacteria all over the handles. Ugh! Which is one reason why you get all sorts of colds during the year but the attendant inside does not. Which is why they don’t pump your gas anymore.
Public mailboxes are another place for germys to hang out. Allows them to travel to other places without having to pay for postage. My suggestion….if you’re gonna mail a letter and don’t want to touch a mailbox handle, just hang around the mailbox till the carrier comes to pick up the mail and then simply hand it over to him. How simple is that!
Escalator rails and ATM buttons. I personally do not touch escalator rails at all. I wear long sleeves and lean on the rails with my elbow. As far as those ATM buttons are concerned, I have that one figured out too. Rather than be subjected to all those germs on the buttons I carry a pea shooter with me at all times and simply blow the pea out of the shooter and towards the buttons selecting my personal identification code. Yes, it’s a challenge, but lots of fun, and, I don’t get any germs doing it.
As if all this wasn’t enough, there are still more places where you can pick up bacteria and germs according to Kimberly-Clark. (do ya think they just want us to panic and buy their stuff………it’s working)
Other places where you can fulfill your death wish to come down with a bug and die are parking meters, which excludes me because there aren’t any parking meters in my one horse town and I never venture to the big city cause I can’t afford to put any money into a damn parking meter in the first place. Kiosks are another place. The word Kiosk derives from Turkey, and, considering I have no reason to ever go to Turkey, I’m safe.
Cross walk buttons and vending machine buttons are the final culprits in this ever challenging effort to avoid germs. So, my advice is to never push a cross walk button unless you use your elbow or foot or wait till some old lady comes along and pushes it. And, as far as vending machine buttons are concerned, just avoid the temptation for a quick snack and you’re safe. Unless of course the vending machine you need in a pinch is a condom machine in a restroom. Then you’re basically screwed….both ways.
So, in conclusion, germs are, as I’ve said, “EVERYWHERE.” I think that regardless of all the precautions you take to avoid these SOB’s they’re gonna get you one way or another. Example: You’re in a crowded elevator wearing gloves, a surgical mask, and wrapped in a giant piece of Saran wrap and some guy sneezes. Do ya actually think a germ is not going to be able to worm its way into your damn body. WRONG!!
So the only thing to do is just to do the things that you usually do to avoid catching a germ. Stay home! Do your banking on the Internet. Order pizza home delivery. And, disinfect your mail after the mailman delivers it to your house. Might wanna spray the FedEx and UPS delivery guy too when they knock on your door. Spray the door afterwards too. Doorbell too.
One final word of advice. If you absolutely positively have to leave your house and fear catching a germ from someone do it during the week when germs are for the most part inactive.
Everyone knows that when you catch a damn cold or the flu you always catch it on the weekend rather than during the week when you can call out sick.
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