I just couldn’t help myself with this one. Usually it’s an article like, “Why Men Are Low Down Cheating Scum Of The Earth Dogs,” or “Why All Men Are Slugs.”
But this article by “Match.com” author Chelsea Kaplan deals with “The Seven Reasons Women Cheat.” At first glance I thought she was writing about why women cheat at playing cards, but then realized it was the real McCoy….an article about women cheating on men, of all things. Ya mean that stuff actually happens?
Women actually cheat on men? Who ever heard of such a thing. Seems highly unlikely to me. Why would ANY woman cheat on a man? I mean, look at us…..we are all….I said, “all” God’s gift to women.
Um….WAIT! That might be one of the reasons. Rats!
So let’s take a look at what Chelsea’s survey discovered.
Men….pay attention here.
1. There’s no passion in the relationship.
Yes, I can see her point. From now on if you guys are sitting in front of the tube watching a sports activity, instead of simply ignoring your partner when you’re all excited about your teams scoring, just grab her passionately during all of that emotional excitement and jump her bones. THAT’s Passion! Then, she can go get you a refill on your beer.
2. To delay a breakup.
Yes, women will cheat on their partners to delay a breakup rather than dive headfirst into a split. Why delay? Because it’s better to breakup slowly rather than quickly just in case he gets a huge raise, wins the lottery, or drops dead and you inherit his fortune. Play the odds. If none of that happens within 6 months, dump the weasel.
3. Because absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder.
This deals with long distance relationships. If he’s away and you wanna play and he’s away and you can’t play what do ya say? YES!….to the guy that’s been stalking you at the office with the biggggg abs. So, in reality, absence makes the heart grow horny……along with other various body parts.
4. To avoid being left out in the cold.
This has nothing to do with men’s obsessions with thermostats. Rather, it has to do with breaking up with one guy and then going with another, only to breakup with that guy and then returning to the original guy and still feeling unsecure that the first guy might dump you, so, you carry on with the second guy jussssst in case. Kinda like a Geico insurance policy that guarantees you benefits either way.
5. To make a break from a bad relationship.
Yes, I can understand this one. In order to make a break from a bad relationship, you first have to be in a secret second bad relationship that allows you to analyze the first bad relationship and then determine which of the two bad relationships you’d rather be in. It’s somewhat confusing but I suppose can be fun if you keep a scorecard and perhaps take videos should you lose both relationships and want to seek out a deal for a reality show entitled, “Bad Relationships and How I Made A Fortune Filming Them.”
6. To Find That Missing Piece.
Ah yes….the ever elusive missing piece in a relationship. (no I’m NOT going to tie in the words “missing and piece” with sex) Although it was quite tempting. Chelsea gave an example of one woman who loved the beach and her boyfriend hated it. So they argued a lot and eventually she took a sailing trip by herself and ogled at the hot captain on the boat. THERE….she found her missing piece. Oops….did I just tie in sex?
7. To give him a taste of his own medicine.
The ol eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth ploy. If he’s cheating on you then you give him the old one two punch and cheat on him. Damn slug. This of course leads to, “Oh yeah, well I’m gonna cheat on you more!” “Well yeah, so what, I’m gonna cheat on you even more than your even more…so there!”
Eventually both begin to lose track on exactly how many times each has cheated on the other and eventually realize that, “all cats are gray in the dark” (Ben Franklin) and settle down to eating just one can of Friskies together. Better to share one cat box together than have to share it with other pussys. (sorry)
So there ya have it. The seven reasons why women cheat. If there are any more, I don’t wanna hear it. I’m totally confused about all this as it is, because none of these reasons explained why my other half still cheats at cards. Um, cheating at cards DOES count in this survey doesn’t it?
(PayPal “Donate” link is below if you copy & paste it into your browser if it is not in blue. You can donate if you love our relationship…I promise I won’t cheat on you)
Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV