Why Is Llama Spelled With Two “L’s” and Other Stuff?

Actual photo of Fernando Lamas Llama

You know why it’s so damn hard to write a blog some days without spell check. I’ll tell ya why.  Because who ever devised the English language was a freakin’ nutcase with a perverted sense of humor who most likely was a stow-a-way on Noah’s Ark and when he got caught, Noah gave him the job of naming the animals before they hit port and everybody scattered to the nearest bar.

Case in point. There’s absolutely no reason to waste a good letter “L” when you spell Llama. What….do ya say it, L-Lama?  Fernando Lamas never spelled his name with a second “L” for cripes sake.  On top of that he never even resembled a freakin’ Llama. Which may be a reason he only used one L in his name rather than be mistaken for a real Llama.

But it gets even worse.  How about Psalm. What the hell, is with that? Shouldn’t it be Palm? I mean, you don’t walk up to somebody and say, “Hey, wanna sing a few P-salams with me.” See what I mean.

All those extra unneeded letters that could have been used somewhere else instead of confusing the hell outta us. Look at Aardvark. Why the hell do we need a second “A” in Aardvark?  As far as I’m concerned it’s spelled wrong in the first place. It’s not a damn “A” Vark is a freakin’ “R” Vark and should be spelled, “RRRdvark” or “Aredvark.”  Did anybody ever think of asking an aardvark how the hell he spells his own name. NO!

I’m tellin’ ya, even with spell check it’s not easy.

For instance, “salve.”  You know, that gooey ointment stuff people use. It’s pronounced “save” which to me is “save” like in saving money. If they wanted it pronounced the way it’s supposed to be pronounced they should have spelled it “saaaaaaaave.”  Take a few damn “A”extra letters from those aardvarks and spell it right. Why the hell waste a good letter “L” when it’s not being used.  Geez.

Here’s another one that drives me nuts. Condom and Condo.  Yeah, I know, condominium too. Like what’s with that?  Couldn’t they have found another word for condom rather than have it so closely related to living in a condo or condominium?

“So Ralph, where ya livin’ these days?”

“I got myself a nice good-sized condom with plenty of room Harry.”

“Ralph, you mean condo don’t ya?”

“Nope, I mean condom Harry.  This hot babe I hooked up with just can’t get enough of me, so rather than be unprepared, I just live in my condom.”

My last and final difficulty with the spelling and pronunciation of words today is with the name “Jesus.”

Now folks, if your name is Jesus, as far as I’m concerned it should be pronounced, “gee-sus.”  Not “hey-zeus.”  I’ve watched “The Ten Commandments,” “The Robe,” “The Greatest Story Ever Told,” and all those biblical stories and not once…..not once….did I ever hear anybody call Jesus, “hey-zeus.”

Hmmmm…..most likely if they had actually called him “hey-zeus” he might not have been caught.

“Hey buddy, you over there with the thorns and white robe….what’s your name?”

“Hey-zeus.”

“Ok…thanks.  Come on Claudius, that’s not the guy…..his name is “hey-zeus” and we’re lookin’ for some guy named Jesus.”

See what misspelled and mispronounced words can do. Just screws up your whole day if your writing a blog as I do.

Or….if your a Roman soldier trying to nab a suspect.

Sorry God…..didn’t mean to make fun of your son’s name, but…..couldn’t you have named him Lloyd or something?

I’d let ya slide on using that second “L.”

Copyright 2011 MisfitWisdom RLV

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, and "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble.
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2 Responses to Why Is Llama Spelled With Two “L’s” and Other Stuff?

  1. Doc says:

    That guy from the Ark you were talking about was banished by Noah to Rhode Island…why, you say? Because he talked too quickly, said everything in one breath, said all those words ending in “a” as “er;” and all those words ending in “er” as “ah.” Noah had had enough…

    That’s why Dr. Seuss changed his first name to “doctor,” because all his friends used to call him “Hey!” (he went to Salve Regina College by the way)

    But let’s have fun with some double-lettered words…

    The other day, I got off the commuter train into a blizzard, passed by but then reentered a restaurant, and bought a terrible (or was it horrific?) zucchini pizza dribbling with glittery buttered additions which did not flatter my middle.

    But hey! I was addicted to them…and yes, my marriage was affected by all this…because as I collapsed in my slippers on the sofah with my soder made in Cuber (or was it Jamaicer?), I noticed my wife (who used to be a majorette, why that’s important–I don’t know) had scribbled on the wall that she wanted someone more affluent and terrific.

    I was in tatters, and I felt that I was just assassinated as to what had just occurred. This had a deepening effect on my psyche (or is it spelled siekey? dunno). As she went down the hall and corridor to the front door, she replied that this was no accident, that I could have had some of her porridge…

    Just then a squirrel trespassed into the house, saw some apples, and had an accident right there on the floor (excuse me, “flaw”).

    Great story, huh? I don’t even know how it ends, but it is deserving of widespread attention and applause, doencha think?

    Okay, enough…

    What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but not once in a thousand years?

    M

    Go get a lollipop

    Sweet-ingly
    Doc

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