So like, cool man, earmarks are like far out, I'm all for earmarks, smokin' pot, communes, free sex and all that stuff.......Peace man.
If you said, “yeah, those marks on your ears after wearing too many earrings”…….please leave the room NOW and come back after you’ve had a reality check.”
I’ll wait……..
(pause)
Ok, now let’s begin today’s lesson children.
An “earmark” politically speaking, is when lawmakers direct budget items for back home projects. In other words, if someone introduces a bill into Congress, congressmen can tack on what they call an “earmark” for their home districts so that when the original bill passes, so does the earmark which is attached to it.
Kinda like having a tick on your leg after walking in the woods. The tick you can remove, but the earmark, once the bill is passed, is harder to get rid of.
So what is my point here today class?
Tea Pottyiers, newly elected Republicans and some Democrats all have said that their main goal, (prior to the last election) was to cut back on government spending. Which may or may not include that extra cup of latte in the congressional coffee shop.
Lo and behold lemmings!!!! South Carolina Senator Jom DeMint (R) who is one of the leading voices in cutting back on government waste……which does not mean going to te bathroom less, said, “power has been wrestled out of the hands of the politicians, (guess he’s not a politician) and into the hands of the American people.”
(insert crowd cheer here)
And he goes on to say: “EVERYTHING has changed here in Washington.”
(insert second crowd cheer here)
Rewind tape to three days AFTER all that was said and the GOP senators and senators-elect renounced earmarks and the crowds were still cheering…..Senator Jon Kyl, the number two Senate Republican got himself a whopping $200 million dollar earmark for his home state (Arizona) to help an Indian tribe with their water-rights claim against the government which was (whisper) slipped into a larger bill by President Obama to settle claims by black farmers and other American Indians.
OMG!!! OMG!!! OMG Kemosabe.
The Cleveland Indians did not make out on this deal however, and still have to find other funds to get some high-priced baseball players for next season.
Not to just single out Republicans, but Democrats like Senators Max Baucus (D) Montana and Jeff Bingaham (D) New Mexico, also got in on the ol earmark thingy adding measures benefiting their own states to the black farmers-tribal royalty settlements.
Can we all say, “business as usual boys and girls.”
(for the record, because I like the ol “boys and girls’ line, which I borrowed from the Mr. Rogers TV show, I did buy myself a gray sweater last week like Mr. Rogers wore)
Now, both the Democratic senators who slipped in those earmarks admitted openly that they absolutely love earmarks and have nothing against inserting them into your behind….oops……no, that’s not how they actually said it, but they said something to the effect that they didn’t object to earmarks….which I guess is equal to inserting it into your rear end.
However, Senator Kyl, is a recent convert to the anti-earmark crusade which kinda, in my opinion makes him a……what’s the word I’m looking for here….um….makes him a ……..liar, liar, pants on fire type of guy….or, for those of you with a higher understanding of the English language….hypocrite. Which has nothing to do with hippopotamus.
Ok, now that you’ve all managed to grasp part of today’s lesson, here’s part two.
Tom Delay, who was once upon a time, (fairy tale lingo) one of the most powerful Republican lawmakers was convicted Wednesday of money-laundering charges which also forced him to resign as majority leader in the House of Representatives.
(money laundering is not when you wash some of those old one dollar bills that have been kicking around in your jeans for some time)
Now, that said, his comment, after being convicted was that he thought his conviction was a political “vendetta” by Democrats in the local district state attorney’s office, (Austin, Texas) because back in 2003, jusssssssst before the elections he orchestrated the redistricting of districts so that more Republicans could be elected.
So let me see if I understand this. If he hadn’t done the redistricting, he wouldn’t have been convicted of money laundering?
Incidentally, if any of you are thinking of laundering money, use Dawn, the dishwashing detergent….really works great.
Finally……and ya gotta love this one.
Bristol Palin did not make it to the final round of “Dancing With The Wannabes” and was beat out by high scoring Jennifer Grey.
Being the nice little innocent sweetheart from Alaska and Sarah’s popular daughter, and of course a media $$$$$$$$$ moneymaker for ABC, she reacted humbly when asked about her loss.
Her comments on what she would have thought if she had won: “it would be like giving the middle finger to people who hate my mom and hate me.”
In other words…..”F**K You America.
(sigh)………and we all could have had her in the White House posing behind VP Sarah with her middle finger pointed at all of us who voted for the opposition had her mom won.
Borrowing that famous line from Loony Tunes….”THAT’S ALL FOLKS.”
May the bird be with you.
Copyright 2010 MisfitWisdom RLV
