Well, I guess if my only choices are a bunch of assholes dishing out the same old crap, I might as well make my own personal donation"
We are basically on the border line of political ad burnout with the mid-term elections heating up. My brain is already beginning to overload with the various candidates for office making their usual promises so that my one measly vote will propel them into office. They’re all the same, Dumbocrats, Repopublicans, Tea Pottys, and Indiaperpendents.
Actually it’s a combination of my one measly vote and the rest of your measly votes as well. But from what I’ve observed so far, it’s the same old same old.
Candidate blowhard number one: “Blah, blah blah, I’ll create jobs, blah, blah, blah, the other guy did this, blah, blah, blah and I’m really an honest caring guy who’s not a slime ball.”
Candidate blowhard number two: “Blah, blah blah, I’ll create jobs, blah, blah, blah, the other guy did this, blah, blah blah, and I’m really an honest caring guy who’s not a slime ball.”
Did you see the difference between the two candidates? That’s because there wasn’t any. Basically all candidates running for office are cut from the same mold. And that is, pick a hot topic, like jobs, slam the other guy, like call him a slime ball or animal molester, tell everyone you’re a really nice guy who cares about the little person while spending as much money as it takes to get elected.
Now that type of campaigning never has managed to get me off my butt and run out to support any candidate. In fact, the one candidate I ever got that fired up about was a guy who was running for Congress, had absolutely no experience or money and was a house painter. My type of guy. He actually got elected because he appealed to the little guy.
These days it takes mucho buckaroos to run for anything. My theory is that if you have a gazillion dollars to run a campaign you sure as hell don’t need my vote so that you can get elected and make more gazillions of dollars……………….and then never answer any letter I write to you.
So here’s my suggestion for anyone who’s running for office. GET REAL BOZO!
An example of a candidate who would tug at my aging heartstrings.
” Hi folks. I’m Barney Fife.” (now right here I can tell just by this guys ordinary sounding name that some of you are leaning toward this candidate)
“I’m just an ordinary guy with an ordinary name and I’m flat broke. In fact, I’m so broke I had to hock my car to pay for this ad.” (once again we all can connect to Mr. Fife due to the fact that most of us have hocked something at one time or another)
“I’ve been married twelve times, divorced twelve times, love to play slots at any casino, drive a 1949 De Soto, haven’t got a damn clue as to how to create jobs, have a subscription to Playboy Magazine, have never been to college, and in fact, even sucked in high school and never played in any sports activities.” (hey, does this sound like an ordinary guy or what)
“I’m running for office because those other candidates just don’t have a damn clue as to what it’s like to be an ordinary person and have to live on a paltry salary of between eight dollars and twelve dollars an hour, pay for their own gas, drive your own car, and actually have to endure going to the supermarket and use coupons.” (I love this guy already)
“If I’m elected, I won’t tell you that I’m going to create jobs because I don’t know how the hell anyone can just go out and create jobs without paying some company off to relocate in our state, then after the election pack up their company and move to India.” (sniff…..I’m almost tearing at this guys honesty)
“All I can promise you is that if you elect me I’ll personally answer each and every letter that you write to me. I’ll hire only one person for my staff, a secretary. I’ll never run any television or radio ads upon reelection time. Instead, I’ll just send you a personal hand signed letter asking for your support, and pay for the postage myself.” (quick, show me where to sign up for this guys campaign)
”I’ve done some rotten things in my life when I was young and stupid, but haven’t we all. Is there not one person out there that does not have a skeleton or two in their closet? And yes, I did often think of killing my mother in law. Maybe, a few of my ex wives too.” (God bless this guy)
“Finally, I humbly ask for your support, with the promise that if I ever screw up while in office, I’ll resign immediately, open a small coffee shop back in my hometown and give each and every person who voted for me discounts on their purchases for life…except my ex wives.” (geez…..can I vote for this guy more than once)
Alas, this is our dream candidate. An ordinary simple guy that doesn’t have the cash to buy millions of dollars worth of TV and radio ads and who might honestly represent us “little slug type people.”
………………………….sigh.
Is there an option in the voting booth that says, “If you think all of the listed candidates are a bunch of lying money sucking leeches that don’t give a damn about you….check this box.”
Well……there should be!
Copyright 2010 MisfitWisdom RLV
