Simple: Meow, Meow,..Phsffft, Meow,...Purr and....where the hell is my damn cat box?
- Eat lots of Pizza, speak Italian, like wearing white clothes and waving to crowds from a balcony. WAIT! Isn’t Lady Ga Ga doing that now?
- By not going in the ocean you stupid ass.
- Guys, just ignore this one. I think we’ve got this one nailed already.
- And don’t wait until the very last minute.
- Just make up your own flag and stick it on your front lawn.
My guess would be, bring lots of insect repellent and stay away from any woods near a golf course....FORE!!!
I’ve always wanted to write one of those “How To” books, but the truth is I really don’t know anything worth telling anyone about how to do anything worth writing a book about. Except maybe how not to write a book about how to do anything. (all blank pages)
As you can see by the various titles above, courtesy of the Huffington Post, there are some strange “How To” books out there. I would assume they would be purchased by strange people as well. At least by people with no “how to” skills whatsoever.
And I’m also assuming that the authors of these books had waaaaay too much time on their creative hands when they could have been writing how to books on other more important critical stuff.
Like:
How to get a senior discount at a house of ill repute.
How to get on American Idol if everybody else hates you, you’re ugly and have absolutely no discernible talent.
How to cross a dog with a cat so that it’s scary looking, still uses the litter box, and will fetch the morning paper for you. (the object of this is so that you don’t have to walk the damn dog in the pouring rain)
How to create a silencer that straps over your butt so that you can quietly fart in public.
How to make rabbit ears that pull in TV signals…..um….wait….somebody already did that and they’re already obsolete. Rats! Ok then, how about how to make your giant Oak tree in the backyard a huge satellite antenna capable of pulling in TV signals.
How to prevent those pesky squirrels from interfering with your TV signals once you get that Oak tree working.
How to write a daily blog that a gazillion people will read. (post constant nudity) Guess that leaves my blog readership down.
Finally, how to not be suckered into buying those how to books that tell you how to do things that you most likely already know how to do but were too lazy or stupid to figure out how to do but with a little effort could do it with having to read how to.
I think I’m confused.
Copyright 2010 MisfitWisdom RLV
