The Best Slot Machine Ever
Hey, at least I got your attention.
But I have my own theory on how to win playing slot machines. Not that I’m an expert, mind you, but I have studied this extensively over the years, and continue to do so whenever I get a free slots offer. Which is far and in between because I can only afford quarter slots.
First of all, and this is a fact, most casinos get 95% of their revenue from the quarter machines. WHY you ask? Well I’ll tell ya. Because most of the people who play slot machines, the lower denominations ones, are normal everyday people who go with $50 to $100 dollars and can’t afford to play the higher denomination slot machines.
People like retirees, blue-collar workers, minimum wage people and the guy you see collecting cans along side of the highway. I’d opt for collecting the cans too but I’m terrified of some jerk texting on their cell phone while I’m bending over to pick up a can and getting a grill up my ass. Or a hood ornament.
Ok, some MisfitWisdom slot machine tips……..for what it’s worth. And these tips apply to the quarter machines.
Never…….. Never play the highest payout machines unless you’re going to play the max which is either 3 coins or 5 coins, otherwise you’re not going to hit the big jackpot. Same applies to those 1/2 cent or penny machines. Unless of course you ran over some parking meter and it spit out a gazillion pennies.
If you want to last and have a good time and possibly win a hundred bucks without doing the max bet, just bet one measly quarter in a machine that has a good payout for one coin. Just read the payout grid that all machines have and you’ll see the payout for one quarter. Look at it this way Ebenezer……..for ten dollars using one quarter you get 40 spins. So, if you have a $100 dollar bill, you get 400 spins. That increases your odds don’t ya think!
The, if you hit something, you can raise your bet to the max.
Here’s another theory from my scientific study conducted over a period of many years. (no, I didn’t have cash many of those times I conducted my study, I was just walking around the casino looking for a stray coin on the floor here and there….hey, it’s worth a shot)
Anyhow, the best time to analyze which machines are the best and the loosest is to visit a casino between the hours of 3am and 7am. You of course have to do this on a regular basis to properly conduct your own survey. Sleeping in the parking lot for a few weeks might enable you to do this if you don’t mind offending other people with your long beard, smelly clothes and long untrimmed fingernails.
During those hours, observe which machines people seem to be playing all the time. If they’re the same machines, then that’s an indication that they’ve hit on it before. I know this for a fact because everytime I want a particular machine, some one is on it during those hours. A great ploy to get someone off a machine that you want is to simply tap the person on the shoulder and say, “Geez, do ya think this machine will hit again? I just hit it an hour ago for the jackpot.” Heh Heh.
Never stalk someone at a machine that you want. They always sense when someone is stalking them and will never leave it. It’s ok to stalk from a good distance. However, if you don’t really want the machine but want the hot babe who’s playing it, then sit next to her and use your best line. Unless you took my earlier advice, slept in your car, and really reek…….then nothing will help ya pal.
Finally, and this is for those of you who tend to get upset very easily to the point where you’ve thought of becoming an axe murderer…….never go to another machine that’s near the machine that you just lost on. 9 out of 10 times the next bozo that sits at the machine you just left will hit it and you’ll wind up hating him. Get as far away from that machine as you can…..without leaving the country. Unless you got so pissed off you couldn’t control yourself and killed him.
So that’s my take on slots. Best of luck on your next venture and I hope my tips on winning help you win.
(Disclaimer)
(If by any chance those of you reading this blog actually hit a jackpot at a casino, MisfitWisdom expects to be compensated by receiving 20% of your winnings as so forth stated in the MisfitWisdom contractual agreement that you mentally agreed to when you read this blog as certified by the law offices of Shakemdown & Shakemdown, offices located in La Paz, Bolivia)
Copyright 2010 MisfitWisdom RLV
