I came across the sign, (pictured) while taking my morning walk a few days ago. I was tempted to go inside and see if there was some sort of deal on getting to Heaven, like a discount coupon redeemable for all of the bad things I may have done in my lifetime, or some special dispensation because I’m a senior citizen.
I mean, after all folks, us seniors get discounts on a lot of things. Donuts and coffee, fast food restaurants, funerals. Um, wait a minute, I don’t think they offer discounts at funeral homes. But it would be a good concept when ya think about it.
“Attention to those of you old folk who are planning to buy the farm soon…………….10% off on all funeral accessories. Why spend all of your hard-earned money on a funeral when you can leave those bucks to your survivors. For a limited time only, we here at the Down and Under Funeral Home will offer you a great money-saving deal. Two for one. Yes, you heard it right! If you and your spouse sign up for this money-saving package, you’ll get two burials for the price of one. (casket not included) After all folks, you slept together for all those years in the same bed, so why not sleep together in one casket for eternity.”
I’ve often thought of what happens after you die. I mean, the sign says that you can get the details inside, but do I really wanna know? Suppose I go inside and find out I don’t qualify for Heaven due to bad credit or that my sin count is way too high……then what? Would I then get details on going to Hell, and would I have to get those details on a sign posted somewhere else, like at the entrance to a subway tunnel that says, “Free Trip To Hell….Details Below?”
I mean, how bad can Hell actually be. It’s warm, and I hate cold weather. I’m a Red Sox fan and their colors ARE red. For those of you who smoke, ya won’t need matches for your cigarettes so nobody is going to pester you for a light. And if you’re one of those who likes risqué magazines, I’m sure there are an over abundance of them down there.
On the other hand, if you qualified to go to Heaven, assuming the church pictured cleared you for the trip, would you have to accept the invitation immediately? Would you be guaranteed a set of wings and a flowing white robe? And just how much of your day would be spent just flying around up there with nothing to do except smile at one another?
So you see, it’s all very complicated not knowing what either venue is really offering. And it’s not like you can visit either place and make a solid decision.
Then there’s limbo, as the late comedian George Carlin used to talk about. Limbo was a place that souls went when they didn’t actually qualify for either Heaven or Hell. I’m not sure how long one had to stay in limbo before someone made a final decision as to which direction you would eventually go….up….or down. But it seems to me limbo might be a safe option. I’m thinking that while you’re in limbo, you might be able to scope out both of the other options, Heaven or Hell and then make a solid decision.
So that’s what I’m banking on. Limbo.
If it turns out I’m wrong, I’m advising my other half to bury me in a t-shirt and Bermuda shorts based on the fact that I might not make it to Heaven. Might as well dress for the occasion.
The rest of you might wanna check out that invitation at the church. Unless of course you believe in reincarnation, which opens up another line of questions.
Who or what do I wanna come back as?
Nah…..I don’t wanna come back………..it’s way too complicated to do all over again.
Copyright 2010 MisfitWisdom RLV