Once upon a time in a faraway land, (actually, 100 miles from my present residence, which is far to me considering the price of gas) there was an organization dedicated to the task of collecting taxes for their kingdom. We all know that kingdom’s can only function properly if taxes are collected, and the revenue used to provide essential services for the people of the kingdom. That said, let’s go back in time, (Quantum Leap style) so that you may further understand this wonderful tale boys and girls.
In the year 2004AD a resident of the kingdom decided to purchase a kingdom lottery ticket with the remaining cash that he had left over from selling a few beans to some kid named Jack. Lo and behold, the lottery ticket was a winner. The man had won $5,500. More than enough to buy more beans for his family and perhaps other worldly items.
Of course the man knew that he would have to share his good fortune with the kingdom so that they could continue to provide the kingdom with the necessary services to keep the kingdom running. (did I use the word kingdom too much there?) Sorry.
Being the loyal and dedicated servant of the King and the kingdom, he, like all other kingdomites, filed his yearly taxes indicating that he had won the kingdom’s lottery. Unbeknownst to the man, the tax preparer, (a part time why pay H&R Block when you can pay me) person, failed to include the lottery winnings in the tax forms. The man, a trusting soul, did not check to see if it had been listed either.
(Fast forward to the year 2009AD)
The man, years later, had moved out of the kingdom to another kingdom 100 miles away, and settled into a rather comfortable life until he was able to retire. One bright and sunny morning, a letter arrived from the tax collectors of his old kingdom. They had discovered that no taxes were paid to their kingdom in 2004 from his lottery winnings. Saddened, the man was distraught until he noticed that he would be able to file an amended form and perhaps pay no taxes at all. He gleefully went to an official tax preparer who also said that, “YES” you can file an amended form and bring it to your old kingdom and all will be well.
We all know that these tales can often have various twists and turns, and such was the case here boys and girls. It seems that there is a statute of limitations on filing amended returns, which, takes some explaining. So try to follow me here. The federal kingdom has no statute of limitations if “you” owe them. However, if “they” owe you, then there is a statute of limitations. HUH!……..Yep, only if you owe them.
I know this is a grueling story folks, but bear with me.
So, being a good and faithful member of his past kingdom, he hooked up the oxen, (actually a Ram 1500) and proceeded to face the tax collectors. An agreement was reached wherein the man would willingly pay the past due amount in taxes, plus interest, because, as we all know, years had passed and interest must be added, which of course doubled the amount the man originally owed.
Each month the man sent his payment to his old kingdom faithfully. Then a strange event occurred. The man noticed that none of the checks that were sent to the kingdom were being cashed. Something was afoot. When the first due date arrived and the checks had not been cashed by the kingdom, he fretted, and decided to call them. He was immediately asked why he had not honored his agreement by making the monthly payments which he had agreed to. He was so taken aback, considering he had already forwarded two checks, that he dropped his boiling hot porridge all over his lap. “But I did send in my payments.” he insisted. “Well, we do not have them sir. But fear not, we will check into this matter and get back to you.”
No one ever got back to the man. Being the loyal and faithful kingdomite that he was, he called them back. ALAS! One check had been found, the other still missing. “But fear not.” he was told. We will gather all the king’s horses and all the king’s men and find that check.
It was never to be found. (it’s a shame “Without A Trace” the TV program was cancelled. This would have made a good story line)
(Fast forward to present time)
Now a days, all payments to the kingdom are made via certified king’s mail at a cost of $6 and change. A charge of $25 for the stop payment on the lost check, and of course, the continuing interest as each day in the kingdom passes and the bill remains unpaid in full.
Not to say that the kingdom does not have it’s act together, but most recently a final twist to this story. (yes I know it’s been tedious reading)
A few days ago the man received a letter in the mail from his old kingdom which stated: (and I have used my own words here for those of you who do not understand the technicalities of reading kingdom high tech letters) “We here at your old kingdom have noticed that you won a $5,500 jackpot playing the kingdom lottery and did not send us our share. Therefore, under the by laws of the kingdom, unless you forward said taxpayment to the kingdom immediately you will not be allowed to register your oxen cart or obtain any professional license to sell beans.
It appeared to the man that his old kingdom did not have it’s act together, that no one in the kingdom’s tax department with whom he had dealt with had any clue that he did not reside in the kingdom any longer, had been making the payments, and finally, that his oxen cart was now registered in another kingdom.
The moral of this story boys and girls.
There isn’t any $#!#!# moral. “WHY!” you ask! Because this is a story about total incompetence in a kingdom that doesn’t have a clue, in a department that doesn’t have a clue, and one person in that department that should be beheaded. Unfortunately beheading was outlawed in the kingdom years ago, and if it were still legal, most likely there would be a statute of limitations on beheading for tax officials.
Now the story of how Bernie Madoff,….um,……….never mind.
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